The Flipping Out Season 3 Finale Charity Fundraiser and/or Drinking Game

 

The Flipping Out season finale is tonight, and I'd like to make it meaningful, you know?  More meaningful than it already is.  Thus, I have created the Flipping Out Finale Charity Fundraiser and/or Drinking Game.

Here are the rules: 

For those of you who wish to participate in the charity fundraiser, I will post a list of certain events (see below).  If one of them happens during tonight's Flipping Out finale, players will owe one dollar to the charity of his/her choice.  For example, "Jeff wears the green Lacoste shirt" (SO SEXY) is on my list.  If Jeff wears said shirt in tonight's episode, then players will owe one dollar to charity. If we see Jeff in the green shirt in two different scenes, you still only owe one dollar; it is the initial instance that counts. 

Let me know in the comments if you want to play.  Tomorrow, I will post the total amount that everyone owes (we will all owe the same amount and it will be no more than $20) and I will provide links to some reputable charities.  I will also list your name/link and you will receive membership in the exclusive group known as Jeff Lewis' Karmic Angels.

There is also the option to play the drinking game (with the charity or in lieu of the charity).  Each and every time an event happens, you take a drink.  If Jeff appears in the green Lacoste twice in two different scenes, you take two drinks.  Personally, I'm not playing because I am way too old for that shit.  Use your best judgment.  Or play with diet Coke.

There is no entry deadline.

Got it?  Good.  Let's play!

EVENTS:

1.  Jeff pops a breath mint or uses binaca/breath spray.

2.  Jeff says the word "feelings."

3.  Jett wears his hair in a bun or topknot.

4.  Sarah chews gum.

5.  Jenni wears her glasses.

6.  Jeff says the words "Vlad" and the word "liar" or any derivative thereof in the same scene.

7.  Zoila says "Jeffrey."

8.  Tears from anyone.

9.  Trace makes an appearance.

10.  Dale is silent for the entire episode.

11.  Jenni or Jeff says the word "date."

12.  Chaz makes an appearance.

13.  Jeff takes a sip of a drink.

14.  Anyone wears a hat.

15.  Jeff curses (evidenced by the bleep).

16.  Jeff fires someone, anyone.

17.  Jeff talks to any of his realtors, on the phone or in person.

18.  Jeff drops the price of Valley Oak.

19.  Ryan rolls his eyes.

20.  Jeff wears the green Lacoste shirt (SO SEXY).

That's it.  We're going to make a difference, you guys!  Leave your comment and let's GET IT ON. 

See you tomorrow!

"She goes where the dirt is."

Oh how I wish there was some dirt in this episode of Flipping Out.  Instead, we were treated to scenes devoted to roombas, Vlad, and homeless politics.  This translates into snoozefest, annoyance, and DOWNER.  Let me break it down for you (very briefly).

1.  Jeff buys a roomba to "intimidate" and "put some pressure" on Zoila.  It starts out as a joke but Jeff quickly becomes quite taken with the roomba; he watches it, talks about it, laughes at its antics.  I found this confusing; is this supposed to be entertaining?  Watching a man (albeit a very hot one) watch his vaccuum cleaner?

Sadly, this confusion is familiar to me.  I have two people in my life who have roombas and they will--appropos of nothing--bring up them up repeatedly in conversation.   They chuckle about the roomba as if it were a beloved pet.  They watch the roomba like the rest of us watch tv (drooling and trance-like).  One of the roombas even HAS A NAME (Alice, if you must know).  Frank and I have had a specific discussion about what the FUCK is the deal with people and their roombas.

Can anyone step up and explain this phenomenon/cult?  Or is it "a roomba thing...you wouldn't understand"?  I mean, honestly, it can't even be that great of a vaccuum; the bag must need to be emptied constantly.

Oh God, I have just wasted three (now four) paragraphs of our lives on roomba.  ENOUGH.

2.  Jeff Lewis, as much as you are tired of bickering with Vlad, WE ARE MORE TIRED.  I felt indescribable relief when you finally called your own people to finish Vlad's job.   

3.  I forgot--Jett makes Zoila cry. 

Jett was teasing her Lewis-style (i.e. harshly) about the possibility of her losing her job and Zoila was feeling particularly vulnerable.  Jeff is at first bewildered by the display of emotion but then shows some real compassion after Jenni takes the lead.  Jett apologizes and everything is fine.  (how CUTE is that pup comforting Zoila?)

4.  The homeless issue is set up by showing Jeff immediately locking his car door when he pulls up next to a panhandler at an intersection (I do that too!  But I try to do it out of earshot of the person because I don't want to hurt feelings/incite anger).  Jenni wants to give the guy some money and Jeff has a mini freak-out and asks her not to give money to them EVER while she's in his car.  "Don't do it, Jenni, because I don't want to be carjacked," he says.  To the camera, Jeff lists his phobias:  clowns, drag queens and homeless people.  Good to know.

THEN, we learn that Jeff's client Chaz has been allowing a homeless woman/man (VAGUE) named Spirit to live on the Cole property.  Jenni's all "it's such a beautiful story; it gave me chills," and gets our hopes up, but then it turns out to be a kooky Chaz story.  In short, a few years ago, Chaz was meditating about real estate and asked for a "sign" when he reached the perfect property.  When he shows up at Cole, a person sitting on the steps introduces herself as Spirit, and Chaz interprets it as a big flashing neon sign from the universe that he should buy it.  Chaz finishes telling the story with a big flourish, perhaps waiting for Jeff to clutch his chest with emotion and maybe even break down, but of course this never happens.

Jeff is not only underwhelmed by the story but he is disturbed by the fact that Spirit has made a garden area at Cole into her own personal toilet for the past 12 years.  "I know the smell of human feces because I have had experience with human feces," Jeff explains.  He's telling the truth, Chaz!  Another problem--a large picture window looks directly into Spirit's unkempt living quarters.  Jeff doesn't see how Chaz's high end clients will go for that and tells this to Chaz, who turns teary and defensive.

Jeff later jokes about it to his contractor.  "TAKE ALL THE TRASH YOU SEE take spirit AND THROW IT OUT. Just put her in the driveway. LESS IS MORE applies to homeless people too."  It is pretty funny.

Jeff wants to appease Chaz and proposes an improved location for Spirit, one that would upgrade her living conditions and also not be in the direct line of vision of clients.  Everyone is happy.

Then Spirit dies.  Cue dramatic music and coroner's truck.  Jeff casually breaks the news to Jenni and Sarah at Valley Oak, and says "just so you know, I had nothing to do with it.  You were with me last night.  So if anyone asks you--."  Bitch is building an alibi! I admit it, I giggled.  But then Jenni basically calls him an emotional retard and tells him not to joke.  JLew sobers up.

Next Jeff tells the camera that anytime someone you know dies, it causes you to face your own mortality.  He reveals that his own mom died at age 39, which just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.  He says that death makes you think about who is important, and he picks up the phone to call Ryan.  !!!!!!!!!!!!  THE END.

Tonight is the season finale, can you believe it?  I think I might need counseling, or at the very least, some cake or alcohol.  Check back later; I'll be announcing an activity for us to commemorate the end of Season 3.

Babies

Hanging out over at Bee's place today--I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and giving her foot massages during the last few days of her pregnancy.  Somehow I managed to write a guest post for her blog too!   I know, I'm amazing.  Head on over there to hear about what an anxious freak I was as I child (actually, I'm still an anxious freak, but my fears now are mostly limited to death, illness, spiders, drive-thru windows, phones and Caroline Manzo). 

Can't wait to hear the big news, Bee!  

Speaking of babies, Perez is reporting that Bethenny's got a bun in the oven. (thanks, Leah.)  I hope this means a Skinnybaby line of baby food is on the horizon!  Babies tend to be so chubby.  Disgusting.

Do not look directly at this post

I warned you!  Are your eyes burning?  I think I moaned in agony and clutched my stomach when I first saw this photo.  I have looked at it several times today in order to punish myself for not having your Flipping Out recap (trust me--way worse than wearing a smock in public).  Chad and Patti are bad enough on their own, but together they form the Axis of Smarm.  Bravo has this photo and many more on its website just...out there, waiting to scare the bejesus out of people. 

Want to see more?  Of course you do.

Guess what?

It's cooter time!  Cover it UP, Kelly. 

Gretchen looks fabulous here, and I think Slade is kind of hot for a deadbeat dad.

On the flip side of the pretty coin is this:

BEASTS.

Scratch Ramona's suit, then sniff. 

Mothballs and Primo (the Giorgio Imposters perfume)(which you will TOTALLY understand if you were a teenager in the 80s).

 And finally, SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I have this vision in my head of Patti and Kim splitting her like a wishbone and roasting up those meaty thighs for dinner.  GROSS but strangely plausible.

More photos here, if you dare. 

The happiest place on earth

Hey everyone!  I just returned home from vacation.  I'm going to watch last night's Flipping Out (I'm very concerned.  VERY.  Don't tell me!) and will be back to chat.

p.s.  Don't make fun of Frank's backpack.  I made him carry it. 

p.p.s.  Also, his butt looks a little lumpy in this photo and I assure you, IT IS NOT.

p.p.p.s.  Frank would like the record to show that he thought this post should be titled "Every princess's dream."  OVERRULED.