"She goes where the dirt is."
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 
Oh how I wish there was some dirt in this episode of Flipping Out. Instead, we were treated to scenes devoted to roombas, Vlad, and homeless politics. This translates into snoozefest, annoyance, and DOWNER. Let me break it down for you (very briefly).
1. Jeff buys a roomba to "intimidate" and "put some pressure" on Zoila. It starts out as a joke but Jeff quickly becomes quite taken with the roomba; he watches it, talks about it, laughes at its antics. I found this confusing; is this supposed to be entertaining? Watching a man (albeit a very hot one) watch his vaccuum cleaner?
Sadly, this confusion is familiar to me. I have two people in my life who have roombas and they will--appropos of nothing--bring up them up repeatedly in conversation. They chuckle about the roomba as if it were a beloved pet. They watch the roomba like the rest of us watch tv (drooling and trance-like). One of the roombas even HAS A NAME (Alice, if you must know). Frank and I have had a specific discussion about what the FUCK is the deal with people and their roombas.
Can anyone step up and explain this phenomenon/cult? Or is it "a roomba thing...you wouldn't understand"? I mean, honestly, it can't even be that great of a vaccuum; the bag must need to be emptied constantly.
Oh God, I have just wasted three (now four) paragraphs of our lives on roomba. ENOUGH.
2. Jeff Lewis, as much as you are tired of bickering with Vlad, WE ARE MORE TIRED. I felt indescribable relief when you finally called your own people to finish Vlad's job.
3. I forgot--Jett makes Zoila cry.
Jett was teasing her Lewis-style (i.e. harshly) about the possibility of her losing her job and Zoila was feeling particularly vulnerable. Jeff is at first bewildered by the display of emotion but then shows some real compassion after Jenni takes the lead. Jett apologizes and everything is fine. (how CUTE is that pup comforting Zoila?)
4. The homeless issue is set up by showing Jeff immediately locking his car door when he pulls up next to a panhandler at an intersection (I do that too! But I try to do it out of earshot of the person because I don't want to hurt feelings/incite anger). Jenni wants to give the guy some money and Jeff has a mini freak-out and asks her not to give money to them EVER while she's in his car. "Don't do it, Jenni, because I don't want to be carjacked," he says. To the camera, Jeff lists his phobias: clowns, drag queens and homeless people. Good to know.
THEN, we learn that Jeff's client Chaz has been allowing a homeless woman/man (VAGUE) named Spirit to live on the Cole property. Jenni's all "it's such a beautiful story; it gave me chills," and gets our hopes up, but then it turns out to be a kooky Chaz story. In short, a few years ago, Chaz was meditating about real estate and asked for a "sign" when he reached the perfect property. When he shows up at Cole, a person sitting on the steps introduces herself as Spirit, and Chaz interprets it as a big flashing neon sign from the universe that he should buy it. Chaz finishes telling the story with a big flourish, perhaps waiting for Jeff to clutch his chest with emotion and maybe even break down, but of course this never happens.
Jeff is not only underwhelmed by the story but he is disturbed by the fact that Spirit has made a garden area at Cole into her own personal toilet for the past 12 years. "I know the smell of human feces because I have had experience with human feces," Jeff explains. He's telling the truth, Chaz! Another problem--a large picture window looks directly into Spirit's unkempt living quarters. Jeff doesn't see how Chaz's high end clients will go for that and tells this to Chaz, who turns teary and defensive.
Jeff later jokes about it to his contractor. "TAKE ALL THE TRASH YOU SEE take spirit AND THROW IT OUT. Just put her in the driveway. LESS IS MORE applies to homeless people too." It is pretty funny.
Jeff wants to appease Chaz and proposes an improved location for Spirit, one that would upgrade her living conditions and also not be in the direct line of vision of clients. Everyone is happy.
Then Spirit dies. Cue dramatic music and coroner's truck. Jeff casually breaks the news to Jenni and Sarah at Valley Oak, and says "just so you know, I had nothing to do with it. You were with me last night. So if anyone asks you--." Bitch is building an alibi! I admit it, I giggled. But then Jenni basically calls him an emotional retard and tells him not to joke. JLew sobers up.
Next Jeff tells the camera that anytime someone you know dies, it causes you to face your own mortality. He reveals that his own mom died at age 39, which just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. He says that death makes you think about who is important, and he picks up the phone to call Ryan. !!!!!!!!!!!! THE END.
Tonight is the season finale, can you believe it? I think I might need counseling, or at the very least, some cake or alcohol. Check back later; I'll be announcing an activity for us to commemorate the end of Season 3.
Reader Comments (12)
Afraid of drag queens? Come on. With those big fake lips and that wig, he's as big a drag queen as they come.
Or cake AND alcohol - I find it's a winning combination. As usual, your recaps are HI-larious. P to the S - just in case you don't see it on Lil Bee - your guest blog there was - dare I say it - TOUCHING???!!!!! Loved it. And also - just in case you don't see it - my irrational fear was vampires. Specifically, after seeing a vampire movie when I was a kid, I was afraid I was going to become a vampire and then systematically turn all of my family members into vampires.
Merci!
Shan
Seriously, what would I do without your Flipping Out commentary? I love it. ♥
I can supply you with two of the three :)
My husband bought me a roomba for christmas!! i did not want or need it but he WANTED it. It lived a few short months and now is in the closet.... where it should be. I think a NICE... anything would have been better than a roomba!!!!!!!!!! it takes a roomba a longgggggggg ass time to "clean"!
I want to start by saying that I have not yet seen this episode, as I was out drinking last Tuesday after a meeting (no worries, it wasn't AA) and momentarily forgot about my Bravo TV obsession and how it runs my life.
1. Roombas are weird. They are robots. They provoke the same fears that the girl from Small Wonders used to bring on me as a child. Why would you invite such a thing into your home? Don't people know things like that can TURN ON YOU IN A HEARTBEAT?!?! Also, if you are too lazy to use the vacuum you cannot also be too cheap to hire a maid...that's just good science. It doesn't work that way.
Also, Dysons are the best vacuums ever. TAKE THAT, ROOMBA!
2. My biggest problem with Vlad is that he wears cut-off shirts. No matter what the weather.
3. Zoila crying makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I am still worried that she is working on killing him in his sleep. But I love her. And if she kills him, I will hire her and not even taunt her with a Roomba.
4. I lock my door when I pull up to homeless people because I am terrified that one will distract me by conning me out of my money by looking all sad and his buddy will open the passenger door and steal my purse. You can go ahead and say it...I watch too much Dateline.
I am afraid of clowns too. And people who make balloon animals are equally terrifying. Homeless people are scary. But only because they can rob me. Drag queens make my heart sing with happiness...so Jeff is on his own with that one.
I don't know why on earth Chaz would take a homeless person on a property as an omen. It might be a good sign if you were considering opening a shelter, but otherwise it doesn't seem like good business. But my degree is in political science, so what the hell do I know?
Someone shitting on my lawn = deal breaker. I will not hesitate to call the police on your ass.
I don't blame Jeff for building an alibi. If my 20/20/Dateline addiction has taught me anything, it is that the cops go after EVERYONE. They will find you. Even if their only motive is your snarky comments.
I am sad to hear he called Ryan. He is smarmy and obnoxious and dates guys with bad hats, so he and I can no longer be friends. JLew deserves better than that.
I already have the withdrawal shakes and the season finale hasn't even aired yet.
You could glue an old pie pan to a kitchen timer and it would be more productive than Zoila.
JLew!
I didn't understand Jenni's reaction to Spirit's death. I thought Jeff was pretty funny in this episode. Ryan needs to STOP.
I'm not ready for this season to be ovah.
"Ryan needs to STOP."
Huh? Ryan wasn't in this episode.
Oh, the Roomba. I was at an event where a friend started sharing her adoration for her Roomba. Girl is a PR professional and by the end of that evening she had 20 of us ready to run to the nearest Bed Bath and Beyond and fight for the last one if it came down to it.
If I had a "good luck charm" I like to think that I would at least allow her access to a toilet and some way to cleanse herself of street filth, especially if I ascribe a great deal of my success to her continued presence on my property. Chaz is an ethically lazy moron who gives Californians a bad reputation.
I too laugh at bad things. It's either hysterical giggling or fainting so I'm damned if I do or damned terrible if I don't.
Ryan is playing the "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell the whole truth" card. Ryan is totally shading the truth as to his directing business from Flippingout.com to his firm. Hello, it's called Flipping Out because of Jeff and there is not one mention of Jeff Lewis Designs on that page.