Please, just go on without me.

I'm down, you guys.  H1N1 has served me my ass on a platter, on today of all days.  So I beg you, just go on.  Leave me to die. 

In other news:

1.  Kelly Bensimon will be on the January cover of Playboy.  I feel like we've seen her naked already?  Anyhow, will you buy it?  Should I buy it?

2.  Finally watched the RZP finale and was relieved to discover that I still like Rachel.  Incidentally, the NY Times writer who skewered Rachel Zoe last fall also penned that nasty article about Jeff Lewis.  Clearly, someone was not loved as a child and feels the need to crap on the success of others.

3.  Thanks to commenter "Heffah" who noticed that flippingout.com is temporarily unavailable.  Do we dare to hope?

4.  The Kim Zolciak Halloween Kit:  "Everything you need to look sexy as hell."  !!!!

Today

we begin the difficult process of preparing ourselves for the emotional Flipping Out reunion and saying farewell to Jeff Lewis for now.  Brace yourselves and please watch:

(RSS users and email subscribers, click through for video)

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS, but I will refrain until I see the reunion in its entirety. 

Okay, WAIT, let me just say this before I burst:  my darling, precious Jeff, demanding an apology never works.  Ever.  The only thing you get is an insincere apology and/or resentment.  Go ahead, double-check with your therapist.  I'm right. It hurts me to watch you flail like this when Ryan so clearly does not give a fuck.

Lots of you have been buzzing about the negative article about Jeff in the nytimes.  I can't view it (LONG STORY), so will someone summarize for me?

Something that will distract you from the troubles of our dearest El Jeffe: RHOA's Kim and NeNe (aka Heffah and Moose) are friends again.  If they can reconcile, then there is hope for Jeff and Ryan. And the Middle East, now that I think about it.

ALSO, Kim flashed her beav to the paparazzi.  What took her so long?  Not only is it HIGHLY NSFW but it could potentially result in serious eye and brain injuries.  You've been warned; PROCEED IF YOU DARE.  (thanks to ~m.)

Who has an extra two grand?

I do, of course, but I plan to spend it on flavored cheese and lotto tickets.  YOU, however, could have this baby hanging over your bed in a matter of days:

All proceeds donated to animal rescue organizations.  Bidding ends on Wednesday, so GET BUSY.

If that's too rich for your blood, please consider joining Jeff Lewis' Karmic Angels. 

It's only $10, which is a low price to pay considering you're helping save JLew's eternal soul. Click here for details (or to contact me with any photoshop work you may have; as you can tell, I am extremely gifted).

Thank you.

"Is ya wig squeezin ya brain, heffah?"

I tell you, if I have to watch that commerical one more time, I AM GOING TO LOSE MY GD MIND.  It was on approximately 42 times last night during Top Chef and as a result, I have further honed my useless skill of imitating NeNe.  (btw, please feel free to discuss last night's Top Chef in the comments. I'm not a regular watcher so I'd love to know your thoughts.  Those brothers! They're...smoldering).

For some reason, I am still watching Real Housewives of Atlanta and I know a handful of you are too.  Thank GOD Bravo is putting us out of our misery tonight with the season finale.  Check out this video, and then tell me, who is the bigger bitch?  (okay, trick question, it is and will always be Sheree, but Dwight gives her a run for her money with his bossy, patronizing bullshittery):

(RSS users and email subscribers, click through to watch the video)

The Results are In!

The results to the extremely complicated Flipping Out Charity Fundraiser and/or Drinking Game have been calculated.

After the following people pay their $10 to charity, they will magically and instantaneously become charter members of Jeff Lewis' Karmic Angels:

LLM

Zakary

Jenn

Gayhooker (he didn't officially commit but I'm hoping that this will pressure him into it)

Sarah

Minus 75

Tinki

Style & Grace (pressure!)

SGM

Kathryn

(if you don't already have a pet charity, get on that shit!  Here are a few national ones with high ratings:  Susan G Komen for the Cure, The Humane Society, Big Brothers Big Sisters.  For more, see charitynavigator.com.)

Congratulations!  Thank you all so much for playing.  For those of you who didn't play, it's not too late.  Leave me a comment if you'd like to donate $10 and belong to the club too.  Here is the breakdown:

EVENTS

1.  Jeff pops a breath mint or uses binaca/breath spray.  No, but SO CLOSE.  Sarah squirts some binaca in her mouth, offers some to Jeff who accepts the offer but the scene ends before he actually squirts.

2.  Jeff says the word "feelings."  No.  He's finished with feelings. 

3.  Jett wears his hair in a bun or topknot.  No, just the standard pony.

4.  Sarah chews gum.  DUH.  Easy money. $1

5.  Jenni wears her glasses.  Yes.  $1

6.  Jeff says the words "Vlad" and the word "liar" or any derivative thereof in the same scene.   No.  No Vlad (in person, at least) at all in this episode (thank you Bravo editors).

7.  Zoila says "Jeffrey."  No.  But I did love it when she mutters "what a bad boy!" about him.

8.  Tears from anyone.  No.  Almost tears from JLew himself, which was VERY unexpected, not to mention upsetting.  He was talking about not knowing if he'd be at another party of Chloe's again.  He had to look away from the camera to compose himself. 

I just ate a Kit-Kat (fun size) and some Smarties to help myself deal with this.

9.  Trace makes an appearance.  Yes, mysterious as ever.  $1

10.  Dale is silent for the entire episode.  Dale speaks!  Jeff asked Ryan (jokingly)(I think) if Dale was bipolar, but I would actually diagnose Dale as being clinically depressed.  Or he's just nervous/pissed that his life is a spectacle thanks to Ryan and Jeff.  $1

11.  Jenni or Jeff says the word "date."  No.

12.  Chaz makes an appearance.  Yes.  His segment (as well as Buena Park) was one big commercial for Jeff Lewis Design.  $1

13.  Jeff takes a sip of a drink.  YES.  Of course, yes.  $1

Look at all of those straws!

 14.  Anyone wears a hat.  Yes, Jenni.  Ballcap when she was practicing for her lizard act.  Did you all love that as much as I did?  Jenni is a Good Person.  $1

15.  Jeff curses (evidenced by the bleep).  Many times.  My favorite was when he discovered that 3 year old Chloe's party didn't have valet and said "what a shit party this is," to Zoila.  $1

16.  Jeff fires someone, anyone.  No, although I thought he was going to murder the workers who were napping in the front yard of his new client.

17.  Jeff talks to any of his realtors, on the phone or in person.  Yes.  $1

18.  Jeff drops the price of Valley Oak.  YES.  Then someone puts in a pretty decent offer.  Then he decides he doesn't want to sell it.  Then he asks his realtor/sister-in-law (who apparently busted her ass on this listing) to stay for drinks to celebrate.  I'm pretty sure that off-camera, she kicked him in the balls.  $1

19.  Ryan rolls his eyes.  Technically, no.  But I am SURE he did off-camera, when Jeff called him to see if he would sell Jeff his "embryos on ice."

20.  Jeff wears the green Lacoste shirt (SO SEXY).  NO.  But did you see the white shirt with the white alligator?  Very nice.

Love and spider bombs to you all!