I hope you have a defibrillator nearby

because Jeff Lewis is yelling at his staff, oh God the yelling, and there's scary drumbeat music and Zoila escapes and some woman that is not me wants to have a private meeting, ALONE, with Jeff.  You must watch this preview for season 4 of Flipping Out:

(click through if you can't see the clip because it is mandatory viewing)

The only thing that's saving me right now is this:

It sets my loins afire!  But what the hell is wrong with that baby?

The season premieres on August 10.  Read more here (including the shocking news that Jett's last name is Pink).

In other Bravo news, the country's finest archaeologists have been working day and night digging up New York City looking for lost footage of the Real Housewives of New York City.  I am happy to report that they finally found it!  (Jill had buried it in an enormous bag of Ginger's poo along with 20 copies of the Coutness' cd and a bloody copy of Bethenny's book.)  Watch it TONIGHT.

Two-fer

Yardwork featuring trashcan and outline of Blackberry, 2010 (part of the photographic series Frank's Butt)

Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis with client Chazzzzz.  Finally, I understand what Katy Perry means about hottness melting my popsicle.

Tonight on the everlasting Real Housewives of New York City reunion,  Sonja teaches Kelly how to count to four and Ramoner's neck retreats further into her shoulders:

(click through if you can't see the video)

My favorite moment from last night

was when LuAnn, in her gravelly bass-baritone voice, said "I don't know where that drag queen comment came from."

!!!!!!  And then it got even better when Bethenny lied and said something like, "it was just an alliteration" instead of "dude, look at yourself!"  Oh GOD.  I can't stop smiling.

Also enjoyable slash frustrating:  Kelly's continued inability to follow a conversation.  Too many examples to count.  Did you like her constantly bouncing leg and parroting of her Systematic Bullying PSA?  She is quite a miracle of science, this person who has a big wad of chewing gum for a brain.

I have to add this about Bethenny.  When my first baby was 13 days old, I was living in pajamas, crying three times daily, and bleeding heavily from the cooter.  A short trip to the grocery store exhausted me for hours.  And here she is, her skinny ass in an evening gown, listening to Jill spout the bullshit and Kelly describe an alternate reality.  Why?  WHY WHY WHY?  If it were me, I would have murdered someone in the first hour and as the police dragged me away, I would have screamed "IT WAS WORTH IT!"  Anyhow, I thought she was visibly strained.

Still chuckling about LuAnn. 

What else?

Kathy Griffin on tonight (WHEW) and Real Housewives of DC is on deck (thanks Rachael). 

Big Monday

The second installment of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion airs tonight.  Watch this:

If you are for some reason unable to watch the clip, here is a visual summary.

If there is a God in heaven, Andy Cohen will also ask Jill about the fake book review.  I will personally send him flowers if he does.

So, who's leaving Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight?  I'm boycotting that shit so report back.  My guess is Dina since she's the guest on WWHL tonight.

Here's a juicy piece of gossip from Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I can't bring myself to watch it, but maybe you can.  (thanks jenjen)

I was almost dead of an overdose and last night was a shot of adrenaline to the HEART.

Oh, the truth hurts, doesn't it Jill Zarin?  How about all of that damning testimony from Bethenny, Ramoner and Alex?  Jill wasn't helping her case by shouting "PROVE IT" over and over.  Part 1 of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion can be watched online here.  If you haven't watched it, you must.  I'll try my best to recap it this weekend.

What did you think of Bethenny, Getting Maddied? (That's not a typo, that's "married" in a Chinese accent.)

Huge large major congrats to our beloved KCS Cougar, whom we have always known to be one of the funniest em-effers out there--Andy Cohen showered him with love on WWHL last night.

What are you waiting for?  Head on over to the comments and spill your guts!  xxoo