I can't get it up

and I need your help.  I hate everyone on Real Housewives.  Everyone.  Well, except Albie and Jacqueline's baby.  I think it's the Teresa thing that threw me over the edge.  "A huge THANK YOU to all my fans for all your love and support. Joe & I are just fine and will continue to be. ♥♥♥from our house to yours! xx" she tweets. 

Of course she's fine!  She just unloaded all of her debt onto us!  We are paying for her purple sleeveless fur coat and Gia's atv and Melania's ADHD meds (just a guess) and the eight month old baby's high heels!

We're paying for those fake flowers too.  ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS worth of debt, you guys!  And most of it's going to be completely wiped out.  I would feel fucking ecstatic if I were her. 

Furthermore, I cannot get the image of Jason waxing Bethenny's belly out of my brain.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night and it was on repeat in my head.  BARF.   I do not want to see Jill's crocodile tears on the reunion, nor do I want to see Kelly blame her congenital stupidness on "systematic bullying."  How much do you want to bet that Andy Cohen will ask about satchels of gold and she will give a completely irrelevant or otherwise unintelligible answer?

And now Danielle has apparently leaked her own sex tape.  Not even gonna link to it.  It's just sad.  Watching her on RHONJ is like watching Intervention, without the intervention.  She's destroying her life, and those of her children, right in front of us.

Are you over it as much as I am?   Am I overreacting because my period is due today?  Please discuss while I go make sweet, sweet love to a donut and try to give a crap about the reunion tonight.  

photo from here, via chateau de lu.

Nails it.

(nsfw)

What's your favorite part?

Would you like some more of this tonight?

Good!  Because you're getting it.  Any predictions on how Jill's meeting with Bethenny will go down?  How many times will Ramoner say renewal?  Will Kelly continue to rape the English language on national tv?

Sorry everyone, I am a little grumpy today because I still smell like "birthday cake" reed diffuser.  I'd like to post a picture of Frank's butt to brighten everyone's day, but he's out of town (NOT SO FAST, murderers!  He's coming back tonight), so here's some new Jeff Lewis for you from his website.


Nice, huh?  VERY.

Meet you back here for the recap, hobags.

Presenting another trip down the rabbit hole with our favorite philosopher, Kelly Bensimon

Today's subject:  Systematic Bullying

(click through if you can't see the video)

When she says "remove yourself from the situation," she forgot to add "and then come running back to jabber incoherently while stuffing your face with Fun Candy."

via jezebel.  thanks leslie.

Update on Wednesday, June 2, 2010 by SGM

Kelly just posted this link on twitter.  How can someone be so completely oblivious?  Well, drugs.  Okay then.  I don't know why I continue to be astonished by her.

Best comment:  "How courageous and noble of her to film a PSA for the oppressed reality tv famewhores...."

Update on Wednesday, June 2, 2010 by SGM

The Merci Blah Blah girls.  I love them.

One more thing!  One of my most favorite blogs, Merci Blah Blah, is having a giveaway.  Am I going to tell you what it is?  NO.  But you'll be able to use it in a thousand million ways.  Go check it out!

All is lost.

The oil spill, the shitstorm in Israel and now this,

Sonja Morgan gets a DWI. 

And my five year old spilled cheap reed diffuser (scent:  BIRTHDAY CAKE) all over both of us.

Mugshot via gawker.  Thanks Michelle and Elizabeth.