Binta Basim is a heartless BITCH and I don't care who knows it

I write her a gut-wrenching break-up letter and this is what I get in return?

 I am SO PISSED OFF right now.  "Okay thanks and bye"  ???? REALLY, Binta?  After all that we've been through?  I sat on this email for a while, positive that she would write me, apologizing profusely and begging me to come back.  Maybe even send some threatening emails to Frank.  But no.  This is how it ends.

Don't worry.  I'll be okay.  I have Frank, and although he continues to punish me daily in a very passive-aggressive style, I'm pretty sure that he loves me.  (Just between us, he almost snapped my head off when he spun me really hard in the teacups at our local amusement park the other day.  I still can't walk straight.)

Let this serve as a warning to all of you who find love with barely literate people on the internet.  Don't do it.  You'll only wind up with a broken heart. 

This one's for you, Binta. 

 Stop by later for my take on Rachel Zoe.

When you're already $11 million in the hole,

what's another hundred grand for a christening party?  Just a drop in the bucket.  It's all going to be discharged in bankruptcy anyway, so what's the big deal?  Yeah, yeah.  No one will even notice. 

I'm sure that's what Joe Guidice was telling himself here.  All broke and stubby and pre-heart attacky, with his wife shrilly in his ear "whatza matta, Joe?  Smiiiiiiiiiiile!"

There are two possibilities here:  Joe didn't tell Teresa about their enormous financial problems, or she knew and kept piling on.  Either way, they both look like crooks.  Too bad Andy Cohen isn't around to name them Jackholes of the Week, because they ran away with it last night.  Can't wait to see her next "bankruptcy is no biggie!!!!" blog post.

Do you think the check to the Brownstone cleared? 

Speaking of clearing, that's what you need to do with your schedule for the rest of the week because we have some very rigorous tv watching ahead of us.  I'm not kidding--you'd better stock up on booze and processed food.  I might even give you some warm-up stretches to help with eye strain and bed sores.   

Rachel Zoe - TONIGHT!
Top Chef - Wednesday (anyone else watching?)
Real Housewives of DC - Thursday
Bethenny Getting Married Finale {sob} - Thursday

and don't forget Flipping Out a week from today. 

This is what you can expect from Rachel Zoe tonight:

Scandal!

OH, wait!  One more thing--if you haven't seen Teresa's glorious Sizzle Tan commercial, you are in for a major treat.  Here it is:

Too easy

It is time to discuss Bethenny Getting Married

Do you watch?  This show is double rainbows with satchels of gold at every end, and each episode is better than the last.  I particularly love Jason Hoppy, who is kind and honest and vulnerable and the anti-Guidice. Did you cry at this moment?

YES!  I know you said yes.  My tear ducts are loading up just looking at it.  What about when Jason's parents came to the hospital?  And then when Jason asked Bryn if she would play basketball and hit golf balls with him? 

Sweetness beyond sweetness.  I'm getting chills right now, m-effers.

The only thing I'm not crazy about on this show is Cookie, aka Da Boo Boo.  It drives me to the brink of insanity when they talk babytalk to and tip-toe around this crotchety fuzzy overgrown rat.  Maybe I'm taking this too far, but I consider her to be the animal version of Danielle (or maybe Danny the Ex Con), except Bethenny and Jason and Julie can't see it.  You know who can see it?  Shawn the wedding planner.  Anyhow, when Jason was holding Bryn at the hospital and said "Daddy's in love with three girls:  Mommy, Cookie and Bryn," I almost lost my MIND.  Go ahead, Cookie lovers!  Try to tell me that a wife, a child and a bitchy dog are all at the same level. 

On a more personal note, this show brought me to an epiphany.  I still love Frank.  Early this morning, I broke up with Binta (which wasn't that difficult considering the rumors of her ungroomed chin hair).  I haven't heard back from her and I don't expect to.  I spoke to Frank, and he has graciously agreed to take me back.  We are going to have a recommittment ceremony (planned by Shawn, of course) and all of you will be invited.

****Oh--one more thing!  You MUST watch this--Andy Cohen and Stephen Colbert re-enacting the Bethenny - Kelly Brass Monkey fight.  Colbert breathes life into Kelly Bensimon; it is truly an inspired performance.  Thanks to Harvey Millstein, CID, for bringing it to my attention.****

Subject: Binta

from:  Binta Basim

to: 

date:  Tue, July 27

subject:  Binta

how are u today?i hope u are fine over there?pleas i am using this new yahoo to send u mail now.becos the other have a little problem okay.pleas let me know ur mind with me now so u can be sending mail to me in this box from now.
binta

Dear Binta, 

I'm doing much better now that I've heard from you!  So sorry to hear about your email problem.  I hope you're not trying anything fishy with all of these different addresses!  LOL!

You asked me about my feelings for you now.  Oh Binta, I assure you they have not changed.  My desire for you grows every day.  The only thing that's bringing me down is my family and friends being completely unsupportive of our relationship.  I hung up on my mother twice yesterday and my husband has taken the kids to God knows where.  Oh well.  C'est la vie!

So, tell me about you.  Where do you live?  How old are you?  How much do you weigh?  What kind of car do you drive?  Not that any of that matters, but since you didn't send those photos (or money!!!), I'm lost.   I'm desperate to know everything about you. 

Off to drink wine coolers with my friend Wanita.  I met her last night standing in line at Popeyes.  She's really sweet and a great listener.  I think you'd like her.  She's on parole for stabbing her niece, who actually sounds like a major asshole, so we probably won't get too wild.  What are you doing tonight? 

My heart belongs to you, B.

SGM