It is time to discuss Bethenny Getting Married

Do you watch?  This show is double rainbows with satchels of gold at every end, and each episode is better than the last.  I particularly love Jason Hoppy, who is kind and honest and vulnerable and the anti-Guidice. Did you cry at this moment?

YES!  I know you said yes.  My tear ducts are loading up just looking at it.  What about when Jason's parents came to the hospital?  And then when Jason asked Bryn if she would play basketball and hit golf balls with him? 

Sweetness beyond sweetness.  I'm getting chills right now, m-effers.

The only thing I'm not crazy about on this show is Cookie, aka Da Boo Boo.  It drives me to the brink of insanity when they talk babytalk to and tip-toe around this crotchety fuzzy overgrown rat.  Maybe I'm taking this too far, but I consider her to be the animal version of Danielle (or maybe Danny the Ex Con), except Bethenny and Jason and Julie can't see it.  You know who can see it?  Shawn the wedding planner.  Anyhow, when Jason was holding Bryn at the hospital and said "Daddy's in love with three girls:  Mommy, Cookie and Bryn," I almost lost my MIND.  Go ahead, Cookie lovers!  Try to tell me that a wife, a child and a bitchy dog are all at the same level. 

On a more personal note, this show brought me to an epiphany.  I still love Frank.  Early this morning, I broke up with Binta (which wasn't that difficult considering the rumors of her ungroomed chin hair).  I haven't heard back from her and I don't expect to.  I spoke to Frank, and he has graciously agreed to take me back.  We are going to have a recommittment ceremony (planned by Shawn, of course) and all of you will be invited.

****Oh--one more thing!  You MUST watch this--Andy Cohen and Stephen Colbert re-enacting the Bethenny - Kelly Brass Monkey fight.  Colbert breathes life into Kelly Bensimon; it is truly an inspired performance.  Thanks to Harvey Millstein, CID, for bringing it to my attention.****

Dreams for sale!

First Kim Zolciak put her exquisite evening gowns on the market, and now Kelly Bensimon is offering the ultimate piece of Real Housewives history:  THE GREEN BRASS MONKEY DRESS. 

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!  Bidding starts at $49.99 and the size is XS (i.e. stretched out).  Ten percent of the proceeds will go to the Red Cross.  A whole $4.99 to the Red Cross! Very generous.  Autographed photo of Kelly included. 

Look at her:

Is that a sense of humor I see?  Maybe it's just gas.  But I think I might be starting to like her a little bit! (but don't tell anyone because I will deny it.)

I can't help but picture myself prancing around town in this number, scoffing at people, judging their energy and telling them that they are being "rully rully inappropriate."

I can barely breathe right now.

To the other Real Housewives cast members:  time to up the ante.  Danielle, I'm thinking that you can sign your copy of Cop without a Badge and pair it with an eightball and a free session with your eyebrow waxer.  Tamra, you can sell your engagement ring (fingers crossed it's not CZ, girl!), and Bethenny, I suggest auctioning off the right to name your unborn child and donating 11% to charity.  I know you've already thought about it, so get on it already!

Anything that you want?  Name it.  Also, if you're going to bid on any of Kelly's items, you'd damn well better let me know.

Update on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 by SGM

You knew this was coming, right?

Kelly Bensimon Brass Monkey Accessories by glossy on Polyvore.com