The Guidices are pigs

PIGS!  If you saw the most recent episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, then you know what I mean.

"Aw, Joe!  You ran up the credit cards minutes before we filed for bankrupcty.  Fabulouuuuuus!"

I hope their creditors were watching and taking notes. 

Bethenny looked beautiful on Watch What Happens Live last night AND she said shit twice.  Bravo's so cocky that it didn't even bleep it out for the second airing!  Speaking of second airing, doesn't Kim G look like a goddamn crusty dusty evil doll?  Especially in that pink room with the daybed of a thousand pillows.  Ick.

I have received word from Binta.  An update soon....

Inbox

From:  binta <binta_basim@live.com>

To:

Date:  Tue, July 20

Subject:  Hello

My name is binta,i am good looking. I saw your profile on and i pick intrest on you after going through your profile and was delighted to contact you, I hope you will be the true loving, honest and caring,i will tell you more about me on my next mail to you,please contact me directly through my email address   and i will also send my pictures to you on my next mail.
Warm regard
From binta.

Dear Binta,

Thank you for your email.  I am delighted you contacted me too!  I must tell you that I found it so refreshing that you told me right off the bat that you are good looking.   I wish more people would do that. Attractiveness is an important factor that is best not left to the last sentence.  You clearly have a considerate and upfront nature.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous, but your email seems to suggest that you are interested a loving and perhaps sexual relationship with me.  I am beyond flattered (in fact I am blushing as I type this) but I have to be honest with you.  I am currently not a lesbian.  I don't know which of my profiles led you to me, but I'm guessing you saw this photo:

What can I say?  It was the early 90s, and everyone was into grunge.  Of course that doesn't explain my enthusiastic performance of the Running Man, but in my defense, I was at Mardi Gras and probably one or two hurricanes deep into my street dance routine.  So don't be embarrassed; you aren't the first person to mistake me for a lesbian (or a drug addict for that matter).

That being said, I somehow feel incredibly drawn to you.  Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, I am the Lindsay Lohan to your Samantha Ronson?  I'm sure this sounds strange, but I can already picture us playing frisbee with your dogs, harvesting our organic vegetable garden, and driving your mom and stepdad's camper to the middle of nowhere, snuggling at night in our zipped-together sleeping bags.  Binta, it's like a dream, a nocturnal emission of the brain, telling me that you might be The One.

I eagerly await your reply, and please send those photos.  In the meantime, I will prepare to tell my husband and children that I can't deny these feelings any longer.  I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pursue this chance at true happiness.   

Yours,

SGM 

p.s.  I really do need to see your pictures.  It's not that I don't trust you, because I do, but I need to make sure that your definition of good looking is the same as mine.  Also, if you could send a little cash, it would really help me out because I have a few debts to settle (I'm definitely not a drug addict but I do have the occasional bump of cocaine.  Totally not a big deal--I'll explain later).  Thank you so much, Binta!  I live for the moment we can meet in person.

What say you?

House Beautiful selected Jeff Lewis to design its 2010 Kitchen of the Year, which was recently unveiled in Rockefeller Center.  Here he is giving a tour to the pervy (am I the only one who thinks that?) Al Roker, and no, that is not me screaming at the beginning of the clip:

(If you're unable to view the video, photos are here.)

The kitchen was loved by readers of Habitually Chic but mercilessly trashed on If the Lampshade Fits.  What do you think?  Beautiful and clean or boring and outdated?

On a related note, in the video Jeff is explaining that he doesn't have food in his own kitchen. "I just have alcohol," he jokes.  Well, I thought he said "I just had alcohol."   So my heart started racing and I was all "OMG HE IS DRUNK IN THE MORNING!  ON NATIONAL TV!  I LOVE HIM!!!!"  Then I went to his website and wrote an email to him to that effect.   So I would just like make public apology to Jeff since he has probaby marked all of my email as spam.  Jeff Lewis, I am so sorry.  Obviously I was the one who was drunk in the morning (though thank God not on national tv).

I hope you caught his appearance with RHONJ's Danielle on Watch What Happens Live.   He might have been a little buzzed then, but I can't be sure.  It's probably best for me to stop speculating about his sobriety.  Anyhow, he was sparkling and funny and Danielle was humorless and bony, which made for a magical show indeed.  If you missed it, here is a clip from the aftershow.

Stay strong, Jill!

So hard to watch people struggle through difficult times. 

Not to worry, everything's fine! Just fine.

Just need a little time to recharge and address quality control issues.  In the meantime:

• A monkey's guide to using a curling iron.  (Kelly Bensimon's dumbest video yet)

• Bethenny on the cover of People.

• "Don't drop the soap" and other advice Joe Guidice might need to hear. (thanks to all of the tipsters)