Double-header tonight!

And I'm not talking about the writhing, drunken monster that is Raquel and Alexa Curtin.  Oh, no!  Tonight we are blessed with the Real Housewives of Orange County finale that no one really cares about (except me?) and then the long-awaited premiere of Season 3 of the Real Housewives of New York City.

Personally, I cannot wait for a good healthy dose of Kelly Bensimon's gibberish (get a taste of it here), and I plan to make this face:

at least 7 times tonight. 

We'll reconvene here after it all goes down!

Click below for the latest RHOC radio recap with Mason of Seattle's Movin 92.5 (warning:  Missouri will be DEFENDED.)

A Bit of Evil

Simon Van Kempen is in big trouble!

He's being accused of spreading lesbian rumors about Kim Zolciak to UsWeekly.  Actually, he's getting all of the blame when it looks like an anonymous source (aka Sheree) is the one who's spilling the details. 

Kim has denied, hissing to Simon out of the side of her mouth "you're ruining the fucking surprise!"

(Many thanks to all of you who alerted me to this.)

Are you sure you want to claim this, Father God?

Alexis and Jim Bellino on Valentine's Day 2010. 

Because Jim's faux-hawk, shirt and bloatation look like the work of the devil to me.  To see Alexis sharing more of her beauty with the world, click here.  Please, bring your "parting the Red Sea" jokes in the comments.  (thanks for the tip, Mason.) 

And now, buckle your beezers because there is a new preview for the Real Housewives of New York City.  You MUST watch it:

(click through if you can't see video)

GASP!  Televisionally speaking, I have never been so excited in my life.  Did the Countess' song "Elegance is Learned" make your eyes roll back in your head?  Me too! 

Click below to hear Mason of Seattle's Movin 92.5 and me break down the most recent episode of Real Housewives of Orange County and discuss Mason's failed attempt to look at porn at work.  Happy Wednesday, sexy mamas (and you four straight dudes too).  xxoo

Dirty Porn at Work and Blubbering Vicki on the Sidewalk

Life after Simon (the gay one)

Gatecrasher is reporting that Alex and Simon have not been invited back for Season 4 (not the upcoming season, but the next one) of Real Housewives of New York City.  " 'Viewers don't have a positive reaction to them, so they're easily replaceable at this point,' an insider said....."

What the f?  I thought that unlikability was a main factor in being retained. 

I have to say, I'm majorly disappointed.  Watching these two posture and primp has been one of the best parts of this show.  What do you think happened?

(thanks Casey)

WHO HAS IT? (and a radio recap)

Yes, I bid on the Brass Monkey Sit Down Dress and, YES, I LOST.  I wasn't planning to announce this until I had received all of my grants and funding, but I am in the process of creating The Real Housewives Library and Museum.  As soon as this dress was put up for auction, I knew it could be the centerpiece of the New York City collection.  It is arguably the most significant piece of clothing in the franchise, and I had planned to have it carefully preserved in order for it to be studied by Real Housewives scholars all over the world.  But someone outbid me.

When I lost, we all lost.  I weep for the loss of this artifact, and for the invaluable knowledge that will never be gleaned from its green angora fibers.   What saddens me the most is that the dress is probably on its way to some wealthy socialite who sees this all as a joke, who will treat the dress carelessly and without appreciation.

Ebay tells me "don't give up" and I won't, not until I know that this dress is in safe hands.  If anyone has an idea of the location of this dress, please email me at scentedglossymagazines[at]gmail.com.  The person who is able to offer me any clues leading to the dress will be receive a special plaque in The Kelly Bensimon Courtyard for Learning and Rully Rully Fun Times, a lush outdoor area near the museum's cafeteria.  This dress needs to be in The Real Housewives Library and Museum where it belongs.  Thank you.

ALSO, I'm back on the radio with Mason from Seattle's Movin 92.5.  To listen to us gossip and bash Alexis' husband Jim, click below!

RHOC, Family Discord