A day in the life of Kelly

Real Housewives of New York City cast member Kelly Bensimon was recently in Miami Beach to attend Art Basel and my spies tell me this is how it went down:

"Hi!  Hiiiiiiiiii!  Howareyou?  Ambassador of Denim coming through!  Cute!  Where am I again?"

"Wait--I think I hear the ocean.  Oh my God you guys, when I hold my hand up like this, I hear the actual ocean.  So adorable."

"Like, I am a mom and a rully rully private person, and that's why I'm only showing you part of my nipple."

"Like, see how private I am?  I am doing these bikini cartwheels not because I want attention, but because I am rully rully authentic and amazing."

"Wow, like, seriously, where am I?"

 "Wooo, what were those called again?  Fatgirl martinis?  Fun!  I've been working since I'm 15, so I think it's so cute for Bethenny to start all of this at her age." 

Kim Zolciak is (allegedly) performing on Ellen today.  Don't worry, I'm on the case and will report back tomorrow. 

Also, we need to talk.  NO, you're not in trouble, but we do have important matters to discuss.  Stay tuned, lovers.

What a blissful existence

...to be so completely unaware that you're wearing a car seat cover as a coat.

Who do you think she's talking to on the phone?  I'm guessing it's one of her bikinis.

(p.s.  There is a Jeff v. Ryan debate going on in the comments of the last post.  Please join in the discussion and declare your allegiance.  Also, see the details of the party gayhooker is throwing at Valley Oak tomorrow.  He still needs someone to bring a few more appetizers and some blow).

I wish you well, Bethenny. I wish you well.

Despite her denials that she was leaving Real Housewives of New York City in order to create her own show, Bravo confirmed yesterday that Bethenny Frankel will indeed be starring in a new series that will "showcase her career as a natural foods chef, as well as the Gotham socialite's love life." She is allegedly engaged to Jason Hoppy (but go ahead and flush that relationship down the toilet, because we all know the track record of reality couples).

Although there has been no official announcement regarding her status on RHNYC, I'm assuming she's going to quit that bitch.  She's already fighting with the entire cast (even Jill!) and it's being reported that it's all scripted so that she can make a make a clean break.

Will you watch Bethenny's new show?  Predictions, please.

Bethenny Update: F that S

Someone forgot to read the tiny print that said, "tickets are $60 each, suckas."

Know what?  The day that I pay $60 of Frank's hard-earned cash to see a Bravo-lebrity is the day Jeff Lewis comes to town as a feature act for BareAssets, thankyouverymuch.

PLUS, it is 45 degrees out and raining and really, the only logical thing to do in that kind of weather is to eat crap and watch reruns of Say Yes to the Dress and What Not to Wear.

The field trip had to be canceled.  Future get-togethers are in the works. 

Now, prepare to have your mind blown:

I'll leave you to sort that out on your own.

photo from here.

Peoples of Denver and the surrounding area

Guess who is in our fair city right this very moment?  I'll give you a clue.  It's not the drunk one and it's not the one wearing a sparkly batting cage net over her underwear and calling it good.

That's right, it's Bethenny!

 She's going to be making Skinnygirls and signing her book TOMORROW at Metro State from 12 - 4.

I don't know about you, but I would love to see her in person and have a few sips of a Skinnygirl maragarita.  Would you like to come with?  Email me at scentedglossymagazines[at]gmail[dot]com for the details on this very special SGM field trip. 

The rest of you, think of an opening line for me that will get me a guest spot on RHNYC (preferably a scene with that dumbass Kelly).

Thank you lovers, and I WILL report back.

In other news, I didn't get to watch all of RHOA last night, but the parts that I did see were summed up by a very funny anon in the comments of my last post:

Omigod! I think I'm an official Nene fan! I love how she called out her "werewolf" son, I loved the look Greg gave when she yelled at the werewolf to pull his pants up. I love how she said, "Ah'm a saz tin. Ah COULD be a eight, but I'm HUNgreee!!" I love that she came to Kim's "party," went straight to the food, spilled cheese cubes all over the table, made fun of Kim, and left (and also that she thinks she's a 10-- if she's a ten, I'm invisible).
Is Swight made out of clay?
Isn't it kind of strange to watch all these to-dos (i.e. She-Ray's request for a MAYBACH, Lisa's "fashion" showwhere she thanks her "staff") when we KNOW none of them bitches can even pay they rent!!!!!!!

"I'm HUNgreeeee!"  Oh, I am cackling like Nene herself.  Thanks, anon. 

Photo from here.