Don't you talk about Sheree's mama!

Here's Part II of the "Who Gonna Check Me, Boo?" fight. Check out those VEINS! She looks like a cobra about to spit. Also note the little face peering through the slice of unfrosted window:

The people trying to separate Sheree and the TLE (Top Level Executive)--how are they not cracking up?

(We're totally gonna have the whole show watched before it even airs.)

Become Andy Cohen's friend/fan on facebook or go HERE and start asking questions for Sheree, Andy's next guest on Thursday's Watch what Happens. You all had some good ones in the comments of the last post, such as Susannah's,

Isn't Sheree roughly 30 years too late for her My Super Sweet Sixteen party? A helicopter? A poem? Being carried in to her party??? Is she supposed to come out to the parking lot later to be presented with her White Escalade?

Hahahahahaha! Can't you just hear Andy asking it?

p.s. I am aware that my blog shows up in google reader as "Blog" as if I think I am the only blog in the whole gd universe. It's in the process of being corrected, but until then, click under "Feed Settings" and rename the subscription. I am such a pain in the ASS.

click through if you can see Andy and his feet but not the the furious Sheree video.

How to Get Shit Done

Watch and learn, my friends. This is how true professionals conduct business:

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My favorite parts: "I AM A TOP LEVEL EXECUTIVE" and "Who gonna check me, boo?"  I can't wait to start incorporating both of those phrases into my life. 

Follow Sheree's brilliant business mind on Twitter HERE.

The House that Whoring Built!

Bravo recently did Cribs-style house tours with the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and let me just warn you: if you decide to watch these videos on your own, you may feel overwhelmed with the desire to join an angry mob and burn Kim's and Sheree's houses to the ground.  For your own protection, I will give you a brief recap instead of posting the videos themselves:

1. Kim.

Kim Zolciak or a Tori Spelling drag queen?

First, a quick story. When I was in college, I had to walk through a parking lot to get to class. In this parking lot was a car with "GUCCI" vanity plates. On more than a few early mornings, I saw barf on it, which I thought was a very eloquent and creative expression of "fuck you." I thought of this car often during Kim's tour of her condo and wished that someone would throw up all over Kim for 1) naming her dogs Coco and Chanel, 2) having a sunglasses drawer that is probably worth more than the condo itself,

3) owning a shoe collection that is probably worth more than the sunglasses drawer (look at all of the white shoes alone.  What the hell?), and

4) having security cameras (in a CONDO) because of "the shoes and then changing staff."  STAFF?!  When is someone (Dr. Phil, Kate Gosselin, etc) going to pimpslap some sense into Big Poppa?  It's time to board up this boozy human money pit and invest in something smarter.  Like drugs.

2. Kandi, the new Housewife. (You may know her from this group/song.) She seems fine.  She's earned her ostentatious luxury items with honest work. Oh, but there is one thing:

Kandi, there's simply not enough fabric there. Put it in the pile for Goodwill.

3. Nene and her sparsely furnished house. I love Nene. End of story. Here she is in the midst of saying her goodbyes and lifting her skirt to reveal her black spanx.

Nene, if this doesn't get Anderson Cooper to call you, nothing will.

4.  Lisa Wu Hartwell.  Boring.  Did anyone happen to catch Judd Apatow on Fresh Air yesterday?  According to him, mature and happy are not interesting.  So Lisa, it's really a compliment.

5.  Sheree, with her clickety-clackity speech and unsquashable ego.  Her tour is exactly what you would expect--even though her divorce has caused her to downsize, she still has a chef and a "piano room" and a "shoe guy who sends me exclusive pieces."  Same old superficial Sheree.  However, I must admit that my heart did soften a bit when she proudly demonstrated how her Chanel bag changed colors just by brushing the sequins a different way. It really was pretty cool.

Ah, Sheree, it's the simple pleasures in life, isn't it?

Watch all of the house tours here if you dare, and don't forget the lost footage episode tonight.  Rah rah sis boom bah Atlanta!

So much excellent tv, we might get bedsores

Anderson Cooper is going to pee his pants when he sees this:

My favorite part? "I love a crawl!" Oh, how I have missed the NeNe and Dwight show. For those of you who couldn't get into Real Housewives of Altanta, I beg you to give it another chance. Season 2 starts on July 30.

TONIGHT, we have the Jersey reunion. Instead of posting a clip and causing you to be distracted by the 17 chandeliers and the front-and-center baby coffin (thanks, My Favorite and Best, for identifying it), I am posting a clip of the highly entertaining commentary from the table flipping incident.

My heart aches for a friendship with Caroline. Aches! And I'm not just saying that because it would bring me closer to seXXXy Albie; I really mean it.

AND, don't forget the baby douchebags on NYC Prep, which also airs tonight. Dreadful! (which is exactly how I like it.)

(click through if you can't see the videos, sweethearts.)

The magical debut of She by Sheree

"What's She by Sheree?" some of you may ask. Well, Google has deemed me the #2 authority in the world on this topic*, so I will be happy to enlighten you. She by Sheree is the much talked about and up until this point, imaginary, fashion line of the Real Housewives of Atlanta's original bitchface Sheree Whitfield. These photos, taken at She by Sheree's launch party on Tuesday, tell you much more about the line than I ever could:

Nothing says class like arriving in a Cinderella wedding carriage (see also: Lucinda's series on Irish Travelers).

Now onto the red carpet where Sheree poses with what appears to be a wax replica of Dwight Eubanks:

Such a shiny couple!

What could add even more cache to the event? The hint of a nipple, courtesy of castmate Lisa Wu Hartwell.

Poor Lisa. I actually like her--she's probably the most sane person on that show (and her husband Ed is nothing short of delicious). If Sheree had been a true friend, she would have pulled Lisa aside and helped her shove that baby back in the dress.

I know what you are thinking: what about the line itself? Yes, there were actual clothes at this event (unlike her last fashion show), and you can view them here. Lots of satin and big distracting hair. Go check it out.

* !!!!!!!!!