I think this picture says it all

Oh Kevin, my hairy little ginger dumpling, I want to EAT YOU UP with a knife and fork.  Mmmm, I think he would taste like the finest thick cut bacon, all fatty and crispy!  But the brothers.  Oh, I cannot deny my attraction to the brothers.  As Kevin says in this clip from the Top Chef finale tonight, "the brothers are going to fucking bring it." 

It's going to be so good.  SO GOOD.  Tonight's show is worth watching, even if you've never watched an episode of Top Chef in your life.  Trust me on this.

(Who the hell is Toby trying to fool, by the way?  Get out of the picture, Toby!  Theory:  Toby feels emasculated by his name and tries to overcompensate by acting too cool for school.  Discuss.)

 Speaking of brothers, please watch Kim Zolciak's cringe-inducing performance on Ellen here. 

Notice how the dancers are not only dressed like cat burglars, but for the most part they cleverly manage to stay in the shadows so that they cannot be identified.  I can guarantee you they're not putting this performance on their resume.

Imitation is the sincerest...

way to make yourself look like a hooker, at least when it comes to Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak. 

This is Meagan Kim and Big Papa.  Ingenious! 

Did you notice the cross around BP's neck?  This small detail causes me to imagine a personality for him, a douchebag personality that says, "I can't get divorced because marriage is a covenant.  Out of respect for God, Kim must remain my ho."  I also love the fact that Meagan Kim is holding Marlboro Reds.  You KNOW Kim is hardcore like that!

Feast your eyes on Kelly Kim:

Did a chill just run down your spine?  The low-cut dress and that wig are dead-on, but when you add her expression and pose, it's downright CREEPY in its accuracy.  Impressive, Kelly Kim.  Very impressive.

Thank you, ladies!

Change of subject:  I bet you think I've forgotten all about the Flipping Out finale, eh?  OH NO I HAVE NOT.  My esteemed tv-watching colleague, Gayhooker, has generously agreed to write a recap for all of you because my lazy ass is feeling overwhelmed right now.  Even though it happened two weeks ago, we must discuss it, no matter how much it hurts.  Look for it tomorrow.

"Is ya wig squeezin ya brain, heffah?"

I tell you, if I have to watch that commerical one more time, I AM GOING TO LOSE MY GD MIND.  It was on approximately 42 times last night during Top Chef and as a result, I have further honed my useless skill of imitating NeNe.  (btw, please feel free to discuss last night's Top Chef in the comments. I'm not a regular watcher so I'd love to know your thoughts.  Those brothers! They're...smoldering).

For some reason, I am still watching Real Housewives of Atlanta and I know a handful of you are too.  Thank GOD Bravo is putting us out of our misery tonight with the season finale.  Check out this video, and then tell me, who is the bigger bitch?  (okay, trick question, it is and will always be Sheree, but Dwight gives her a run for her money with his bossy, patronizing bullshittery):

(RSS users and email subscribers, click through to watch the video)

Poor Kandi

From tmz.com:

The ex-fiance of Kandi Burruss -- who stars on "Real Housewives of Atlanta" -- died tonight after a brawl erupted at a club in Atlanta.

Cops say A.J. Jewell suffered severe head injuries during the fight at Body Tap and was rushed to Piedmont Hospital, where he later died ... this according to myfoxatlanta.com.

Cops currently have no suspects in custody.

UPDATE -- Atlanta police spokesman James Polite says Fredrick Richardson has been arrested and charged with voluntary manslaughter in the death of Ashley "A.J." Jewell. Richardson was hospitalized after the alleged fight and will be taken into custody once he is released.

So sad; I think she's (by far) the most sane of them all.  Thanks to all of you early birds who emailed me with the news.

She by Fakey Bitchface

I'm sorry to be passing out the haterade on this bright and beautiful Monday afternoon, but last night I finally watched the most recent episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta (where Sheree shows up to Lisa's show after it was over--without apology) and Sheree's nasty attitude and colossal ego are fresh in my mind.  If she's that surly on camera, can you imagine how she is off camera? 

AMAZINGLY, She by Sheree debuted at New York Fashion Week yesterday.  If any buyers are considering this line for their spring/summer offerings, GOOD LUCK.  I hear she's very professional.

See the collection and a frightful video here, and of course check out dlisted's take here.