The House that Whoring Built!
Thursday, July 23, 2009 Bravo recently did Cribs-style house tours with the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and let me just warn you: if you decide to watch these videos on your own, you may feel overwhelmed with the desire to join an angry mob and burn Kim's and Sheree's houses to the ground. For your own protection, I will give you a brief recap instead of posting the videos themselves:
1. Kim.
Kim Zolciak or a Tori Spelling drag queen?
First, a quick story. When I was in college, I had to walk through a parking lot to get to class. In this parking lot was a car with "GUCCI" vanity plates. On more than a few early mornings, I saw barf on it, which I thought was a very eloquent and creative expression of "fuck you." I thought of this car often during Kim's tour of her condo and wished that someone would throw up all over Kim for 1) naming her dogs Coco and Chanel, 2) having a sunglasses drawer that is probably worth more than the condo itself,
3) owning a shoe collection that is probably worth more than the sunglasses drawer (look at all of the white shoes alone. What the hell?), and
4) having security cameras (in a CONDO) because of "the shoes and then changing staff." STAFF?! When is someone (Dr. Phil, Kate Gosselin, etc) going to pimpslap some sense into Big Poppa? It's time to board up this boozy human money pit and invest in something smarter. Like drugs.
2. Kandi, the new Housewife. (You may know her from this group/song.) She seems fine. She's earned her ostentatious luxury items with honest work. Oh, but there is one thing:
Kandi, there's simply not enough fabric there. Put it in the pile for Goodwill.
3. Nene and her sparsely furnished house. I love Nene. End of story. Here she is in the midst of saying her goodbyes and lifting her skirt to reveal her black spanx.
Nene, if this doesn't get Anderson Cooper to call you, nothing will.
4. Lisa Wu Hartwell. Boring. Did anyone happen to catch Judd Apatow on Fresh Air yesterday? According to him, mature and happy are not interesting. So Lisa, it's really a compliment.
5. Sheree, with her clickety-clackity speech and unsquashable ego. Her tour is exactly what you would expect--even though her divorce has caused her to downsize, she still has a chef and a "piano room" and a "shoe guy who sends me exclusive pieces." Same old superficial Sheree. However, I must admit that my heart did soften a bit when she proudly demonstrated how her Chanel bag changed colors just by brushing the sequins a different way. It really was pretty cool.
Ah, Sheree, it's the simple pleasures in life, isn't it?
Watch all of the house tours here if you dare, and don't forget the lost footage episode tonight. Rah rah sis boom bah Atlanta!
Reader Comments (8)
What happen to DeShawn Snow? I really liked her and her husband.
Two bags in one, Sheree? That seems kind of economical. You're low, rent, honey!
(end sarcasm)
LOVE THE NENE!
Deshawn is gone, and I'm pretty sure it was Bravo's decision and not hers. To boring (again, a compliment).
Totally low rent! Poor Sheree. Only one Chanel bag.
NeNe is the black Little Edie Beale.
wait a sec...there was someone at gower place, with THAT license plate?? I'm so embarassed. I will officially apologize here and now,after all of these years later.
now I'm off to find out who in the hell that was.
you know those are my girls...so i will be the positive force!!!! LOVE EM! LOVE EM!
Put it in the pile to goodwill!!!! Dying...
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