I think this picture says it all
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 
Oh Kevin, my hairy little ginger dumpling, I want to EAT YOU UP with a knife and fork. Mmmm, I think he would taste like the finest thick cut bacon, all fatty and crispy! But the brothers. Oh, I cannot deny my attraction to the brothers. As Kevin says in this clip from the Top Chef finale tonight, "the brothers are going to fucking bring it."
It's going to be so good. SO GOOD. Tonight's show is worth watching, even if you've never watched an episode of Top Chef in your life. Trust me on this.
(Who the hell is Toby trying to fool, by the way? Get out of the picture, Toby! Theory: Toby feels emasculated by his name and tries to overcompensate by acting too cool for school. Discuss.)
Speaking of brothers, please watch Kim Zolciak's cringe-inducing performance on Ellen here.
Notice how the dancers are not only dressed like cat burglars, but for the most part they cleverly manage to stay in the shadows so that they cannot be identified. I can guarantee you they're not putting this performance on their resume.
Reader Comments (18)
Just saw the Kim video: It's like watching a Halloween costume, inhabited by a tired middle-aged man.
Dearest SGM,
I am hurt and saddened that you chose MY BIRTHDAY of all days to post about this. You know my feelings on this show. You know the loss of Fabio last season BREAKS MY HEART. And still you post.
Maybe through extensive therapy I can move on.
Hugs,
sarah
P.S. I do not want the man who looks like Yukon Cornelius to win. No one likes a ginger.
Oh Kim, that was foul. I think this song has had it's 15 minutes, next...
"Cat burglars"! I love that phrase. Did they ever have cat burglars in real life, or only in television shows? Did anyone ever call the police to report "cat burglars prowling the neighborhood"?
anon, I think it's a dinosaur inside that Kim costume. A big stomping, carnivorous, attention-starved dinosaur.
Sarah. Watching this season of Top Chef does not mean you love Fabio less. Please, please watch. I beg you.
Spry, I have a feeling many talented, trained, struggling vocalists probably slit their wrists watching Kim sing on national tv.
anon, I am fairly certain I learned the phrase from Happy Days. :)
This may be off topic but, as a long-time smoker, I have burned my long hair while lighting up many times over the years. This begs the question, is Kim's wig flame retardant? I am shocked that she has never set fire to that polyester perversity. Having burned many a Barbie head trying to give her some punk rock cred, I know that shit will light up in a matter of seconds.
I will make you a deal. S is having knee surgery on Friday and he LOVES him some Top Chef. I will pretend to be compassionate and offer to watch the season on On Demand with him and I will report back.
But if it is awful, there will be hell to pay. Do you hear me?
sweetshorn,
Did you notice a big hank of polyester missing from one side of the wig? Like it had been chopped off hastily? Maybe to cover up a Newport Ultra Light incident gone awry?
No words can describe that performance. She can't sing (we know), she can't dance either & half the time she kept looking at the dancers for some interaction. At the end I was afraid she was going to start masturbating. So wrong.
She just looks terribly uncomfortable, and in turn makes me uncomfortable. Her dancing is just plain BAD! I think its funny how she turns away from the audience to look at her dancers. I get kind of embarrassed just watching. KIM just stick to drinking wine, smoking and spending papa's money.
I can't wait for the finale of Top Chef. I am pulling for Kevin. Every chef in the finale is great and they all deserve to win.
Do you think Mrs. Big Poppa watches that over and over and just laughs and laughs and laughs?
Sorry, I'm all about the Real World / Road Rules Ruins Finale tonight
Kenny wins over Mike.....yumm
Yes! She must have "incidents" all the time.
amaze-balls.
Did Ellen lose a bet? That is just messed up... would be a hoot to have "Tardy" as my ringtone, though....just sayin'
Sarah nailed the nickname Yukon Cornelius - Just watched Rudolph tonight with my kids and she is spot on. On a complete aside, Santa is a real a**hole in that - he's SO MEAN when he discovers the nose. Then when it's needed, Rudolph gladly helps. He should have told Santa to go take a flying leap. Of course, I kept the opinion on this to myself as my kids already have enough to tell their future therapists. Thanks SGM and all the posters here for helping to keep me laughing.
Does anyone remember 'Say What? Karaoke' on MTV? That reminded me of the Spring Break version, where you know EVERYONE was drunk during the performance.
And SGM, I won't ever stop laughing at 'cat burglars'.