My favorite moment from last night

was when LuAnn, in her gravelly bass-baritone voice, said "I don't know where that drag queen comment came from."

!!!!!!  And then it got even better when Bethenny lied and said something like, "it was just an alliteration" instead of "dude, look at yourself!"  Oh GOD.  I can't stop smiling.

Also enjoyable slash frustrating:  Kelly's continued inability to follow a conversation.  Too many examples to count.  Did you like her constantly bouncing leg and parroting of her Systematic Bullying PSA?  She is quite a miracle of science, this person who has a big wad of chewing gum for a brain.

I have to add this about Bethenny.  When my first baby was 13 days old, I was living in pajamas, crying three times daily, and bleeding heavily from the cooter.  A short trip to the grocery store exhausted me for hours.  And here she is, her skinny ass in an evening gown, listening to Jill spout the bullshit and Kelly describe an alternate reality.  Why?  WHY WHY WHY?  If it were me, I would have murdered someone in the first hour and as the police dragged me away, I would have screamed "IT WAS WORTH IT!"  Anyhow, I thought she was visibly strained.

Still chuckling about LuAnn. 

What else?

Kathy Griffin on tonight (WHEW) and Real Housewives of DC is on deck (thanks Rachael). 

Big Monday

The second installment of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion airs tonight.  Watch this:

If you are for some reason unable to watch the clip, here is a visual summary.

If there is a God in heaven, Andy Cohen will also ask Jill about the fake book review.  I will personally send him flowers if he does.

So, who's leaving Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight?  I'm boycotting that shit so report back.  My guess is Dina since she's the guest on WWHL tonight.

Here's a juicy piece of gossip from Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I can't bring myself to watch it, but maybe you can.  (thanks jenjen)

I was almost dead of an overdose and last night was a shot of adrenaline to the HEART.

Oh, the truth hurts, doesn't it Jill Zarin?  How about all of that damning testimony from Bethenny, Ramoner and Alex?  Jill wasn't helping her case by shouting "PROVE IT" over and over.  Part 1 of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion can be watched online here.  If you haven't watched it, you must.  I'll try my best to recap it this weekend.

What did you think of Bethenny, Getting Maddied? (That's not a typo, that's "married" in a Chinese accent.)

Huge large major congrats to our beloved KCS Cougar, whom we have always known to be one of the funniest em-effers out there--Andy Cohen showered him with love on WWHL last night.

What are you waiting for?  Head on over to the comments and spill your guts!  xxoo

I can't get it up

and I need your help.  I hate everyone on Real Housewives.  Everyone.  Well, except Albie and Jacqueline's baby.  I think it's the Teresa thing that threw me over the edge.  "A huge THANK YOU to all my fans for all your love and support. Joe & I are just fine and will continue to be. ♥♥♥from our house to yours! xx" she tweets. 

Of course she's fine!  She just unloaded all of her debt onto us!  We are paying for her purple sleeveless fur coat and Gia's atv and Melania's ADHD meds (just a guess) and the eight month old baby's high heels!

We're paying for those fake flowers too.  ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS worth of debt, you guys!  And most of it's going to be completely wiped out.  I would feel fucking ecstatic if I were her. 

Furthermore, I cannot get the image of Jason waxing Bethenny's belly out of my brain.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night and it was on repeat in my head.  BARF.   I do not want to see Jill's crocodile tears on the reunion, nor do I want to see Kelly blame her congenital stupidness on "systematic bullying."  How much do you want to bet that Andy Cohen will ask about satchels of gold and she will give a completely irrelevant or otherwise unintelligible answer?

And now Danielle has apparently leaked her own sex tape.  Not even gonna link to it.  It's just sad.  Watching her on RHONJ is like watching Intervention, without the intervention.  She's destroying her life, and those of her children, right in front of us.

Are you over it as much as I am?   Am I overreacting because my period is due today?  Please discuss while I go make sweet, sweet love to a donut and try to give a crap about the reunion tonight.  

photo from here, via chateau de lu.

Nails it.

(nsfw)

What's your favorite part?