Ramoner hawking her jewelry on HSN tonight

Do you even know what channel HSN is? I don't, but you can bet your sweet tits I'm going to find it tonight at 9pm. (I think Eastern time, but I have no idea how the eff HSN works.) DON'T MAKE HER NERVOUS, you guys!

By the by, did anyone watch the preview special for NYC Prep? OMG. I can't even discuss it, because I will just make fun of those kids and they're KIDS. Okay, I'll just say one little bitty mean thing--what is going on with Camille's face? And Jessie? OY.

Ramona Singer

Skinnygirl Margaritas and Crack

They don't mix.

Seriously, Bethenny. What the hell?

UPDATED: nudie stills from a Bethenny movie in 1994--check 'em out here. (Good God, who do I think I am? Perez Hilton?) (thanks HG)

photo via tmz and tipster decorno

"And on loan to us from Belleview psychiatric..."

Warning: language is a little nsfw

Please show the wickedly funny creator of this video some love in his youtube comments and let him know that we need some New Jersey.

(subscribers click through for the highlight of your morning)

"Tell me you're stopping with the Kelly because I CAN'T TAKE IT."

Not me, Ramoner. I say keep it coming! Just when I think Kelly can't get any dumber, SHE DOES. Bitch has the brain of an amoeba. A newborn amoeba! Everything out of her mouth is either completely irrelevant to the subject at hand or in direct contradiction to one of her previous irrelevant statements. Does that make sense, or did I somehow get transported into Kelly time? Listening to her speak causes my brain cells to shrivel up and beg for mercy.

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion was bananas. I could spend 10 hours trying to recount it and still not give you a good idea of how crazy bonkers it was, so let's just open it up for discussion.

Talking points:

1. Kelly's so "insular" (typically poor choice of wording), which is why she's on a reality show.

2. On Kelly's habit of not saying hi to people--Kelly says "what's the big deal?" and Bethenny has my favorite moment of the show, "It makes you a piece of shit, that's what's the big deal!" YES.

3. "I love to explore awesome people. I don't want to live in negative-town. I don't like fodder." a) Kelly IS fodder, and b) that quote needs to be on an effing t-shirt.

4. As you know, I am not the Countess' biggest fan, but I thought she handled herself pretty well in both Parts 1 and 2, and she asked Kelly the best and most pointed questions of the night. No disrespect to Andy Cohen. I LOVE YOU ANDY.

But I do agree that you could use a little haircut.

Do you think the Countess was really starting to cry when she put that pillow over her face?

5. Mario checking out the ladies (how did I miss that the first time around?) and Bethenny's "I think Mario wants to be a little star."

6. Ramoner's buggy eyes are apparently a sensitive subject?

7. Did Kelly say "when I went to the Brass Monkey and I saw the puss on her face"? (at the 1:45 mark HERE)

8. If I hear the word "branding" on any of these shows again, I will BLOW my BRAINS out.

9. Kelly's earnest "Normally I do. I do wear bras a lot."

10. I love Jill Zarin. So much.

11.

Kelly: I want to talk about interesting fun things.

Bethenny: Like stuff? Let's talk about STUFF.

Andy Cohen: We're going over what happened this season on the show.

Kelly: But I'm bored with it.

OMFG.

12. NYC Prep looks so TRASHY and that's why we're going to watch it.

13. Alex. Mute but for two sentences while trying to translate for the K-bomb.

MAZEL on finishing the season, everyone! Obviously I thought the best parts of the reunion were Kelly's. What do you think? What did I miss? Give it to me.

If Kelly were any dumber, she'd be a plant

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City is TONIGHT, and it promises to be even better than Part 1. Watch this clip--it's mostly about the Countess (and it will make you CRINGE) but then there's some classic Kelly and Bethenny at the end.

Everyone, including the adorable Jew-fro'd Andy Cohen, wants Kelly to explain/defend her infamous "up here down there" comment, but this next clip shows that she is incapable of answering any sort of direct question. Here is Kelly spouting a bunch of nonsense and ending up telling Bethenny that they "could have been best friends" because they're "COMPLETELY different," yet "EXACTLY the same."

Of course.