Dreams for sale!

First Kim Zolciak put her exquisite evening gowns on the market, and now Kelly Bensimon is offering the ultimate piece of Real Housewives history:  THE GREEN BRASS MONKEY DRESS. 

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!  Bidding starts at $49.99 and the size is XS (i.e. stretched out).  Ten percent of the proceeds will go to the Red Cross.  A whole $4.99 to the Red Cross! Very generous.  Autographed photo of Kelly included. 

Look at her:

Is that a sense of humor I see?  Maybe it's just gas.  But I think I might be starting to like her a little bit! (but don't tell anyone because I will deny it.)

I can't help but picture myself prancing around town in this number, scoffing at people, judging their energy and telling them that they are being "rully rully inappropriate."

I can barely breathe right now.

To the other Real Housewives cast members:  time to up the ante.  Danielle, I'm thinking that you can sign your copy of Cop without a Badge and pair it with an eightball and a free session with your eyebrow waxer.  Tamra, you can sell your engagement ring (fingers crossed it's not CZ, girl!), and Bethenny, I suggest auctioning off the right to name your unborn child and donating 11% to charity.  I know you've already thought about it, so get on it already!

Anything that you want?  Name it.  Also, if you're going to bid on any of Kelly's items, you'd damn well better let me know.

Update on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 by SGM

You knew this was coming, right?

Kelly Bensimon Brass Monkey Accessories by glossy on Polyvore.com

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

1.  I tried to watch Millionaire Matchmaker last night, but just couldn't get through it.  I appreciate Patti's straight-talking advice but I find the show (and her engagement) to be fake and boring.  Plus, someone needs to tell her to not wear her skirts so short.

"Um, Patti?  That's where I eat my lunch."

2.  How does this make you feel?

 The shirt should have been left ON.  But I'd still hit it.

3.  Confirmed:  Kelly Bensimon is nekkid in the March issue of Playboy.  Wow, what a coincidence!  That's when Season 3 premieres! 

Of course I'm buying it.

4.

 "No, look!  A little bronzer on the Adam's apple and you can't even tell I have one!"

5.  I would like to dedicate the song referenced in the title of this post to my friend Alfredo, who is getting married this weekend.  Big congratulations to you and Sue (who is actually super awesome and not a bitch in any sense of the word)(except the badass sense).

6.  I know I told you that I'd have a RHOC post for you, but I think we've exhausted the subject.  "Dougall" is not a "psychic," and Gretchen struggled bulimia.  Also, Gretchen and Lynne's dogs love to frolic in the park.

That's all, my loves.  Keep it street.

Ramoner must carbo-load the night before filming

...because this level of crazy burns calories.

 Kuh-dooz to Ramoner on the shorter hair, though.  Much better.

Now.  Take a deep breath and brace yourself for this next clip because Ramoner confronts (yes, confronts!) Lady Bensimon about her lopsided titties.

!!!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!  WHERE ON EARTH does she get the oversized balls to do this?  WHERE?  Because Andy Cohen wants to know.

Also worth it:

Jill Zarin swims with the sharks and survives.  

Has Bethenny learned nothing from Star Jones?

The Real Housewives of New York City premieres on March 4.

Thanks to LuckyLucyChance and Harv for the tips.  Email subscribers, click through to the blog to watch the videos.

More elegant and cheek

Want to know how to change your space when it gets rully rully boring?  You're in luck; here is Kelly Bensimon's "apartment makeover":

click through if you can't see the video

Go here for the equally drastic bathroom makeover.  Par for the course, people.

Real Housewives of New York City begins March 4.  In other words, NOT SOON ENOUGH.

Guess who's going to be on Watch What Happen Live this Thursday?  Tamra Barney and JLew (!!!!!!!!!).  If I can get my act together, I'm going to post something really creepy in his honor. 

Happy Monday, babies!

(thanks to Michelle)

Twit pic indeed

"No Jill, trust me on this.  Why pose for a picture on a boring sidewalk when a rully busy street is just a few steps away?"

Photo from here.