Dreams for sale!

First Kim Zolciak put her exquisite evening gowns on the market, and now Kelly Bensimon is offering the ultimate piece of Real Housewives history:  THE GREEN BRASS MONKEY DRESS. 

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!  Bidding starts at $49.99 and the size is XS (i.e. stretched out).  Ten percent of the proceeds will go to the Red Cross.  A whole $4.99 to the Red Cross! Very generous.  Autographed photo of Kelly included. 

Look at her:

Is that a sense of humor I see?  Maybe it's just gas.  But I think I might be starting to like her a little bit! (but don't tell anyone because I will deny it.)

I can't help but picture myself prancing around town in this number, scoffing at people, judging their energy and telling them that they are being "rully rully inappropriate."

I can barely breathe right now.

To the other Real Housewives cast members:  time to up the ante.  Danielle, I'm thinking that you can sign your copy of Cop without a Badge and pair it with an eightball and a free session with your eyebrow waxer.  Tamra, you can sell your engagement ring (fingers crossed it's not CZ, girl!), and Bethenny, I suggest auctioning off the right to name your unborn child and donating 11% to charity.  I know you've already thought about it, so get on it already!

Anything that you want?  Name it.  Also, if you're going to bid on any of Kelly's items, you'd damn well better let me know.

Update on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 by SGM

You knew this was coming, right?

Kelly Bensimon Brass Monkey Accessories by glossy on Polyvore.com

More elegant and cheek

Want to know how to change your space when it gets rully rully boring?  You're in luck; here is Kelly Bensimon's "apartment makeover":

click through if you can't see the video

Go here for the equally drastic bathroom makeover.  Par for the course, people.

Real Housewives of New York City begins March 4.  In other words, NOT SOON ENOUGH.

Guess who's going to be on Watch What Happen Live this Thursday?  Tamra Barney and JLew (!!!!!!!!!).  If I can get my act together, I'm going to post something really creepy in his honor. 

Happy Monday, babies!

(thanks to Michelle)

Party at Ryan's!

Is he still living with his grandma?  Anyhow, check it out:

And here I thought it was all a ruse. 

No more jokes from me (for now at least).  Divorce is just sad, even when it comes to Tamra Sue. 

Thoughts?

(thanks to the anon who tipped me in the comments of the last post.  Read more here.)

Update on Friday, January 8, 2010 by SGM

A excerpt from Simon's blog (thanks, Mary):

The dinner with Tamra's mom ... HOW UGLY! Can I ever get a break this season considering I didn't want to be on it this year? I really never knew my wife felt this way about me until I watched this episode. I guess I'm not the right man for her. This did remind me of a conversation on the first day of 2009 (January 1, 2009). Tamra and I were in Las Vegas the day after New Year’s Eve. She told me she knew she could get someone better looking, with more money, and who would let her do whatever she wants, regardless. But she was going to stay together for the kids. I was shocked, and I'm shocked now watching her at dinner with her mother, when she says, "If it wasn't for the kids, I would leave him."

Ouch! That really hurt! If this is true, she should have this conversation with me in private. I'm not sure any couple should stay together because of kids. It only does more damage to them. I guess I was under the impression that she was still in love with me as I am was with her. And sadly I had to find this out is no longer true on national TV. I guess she wanted to have the drama spotlight, rather than what's best for our family and me. Have we really drifted that far apart in just a few years?

You don't need to run me over with a truck to get your message across, honey! Of course it feels like a truck just ran over my heart and soul. Wow! What a fool I've been. Never thought to watch out within my own camp. "Et tu, Brute?"

Like I always say, "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." But I think this one is going to hurt like I was being killed.

Sorry kids, I would give up my life and conquer the world for you. Just couldn't triumph over celebrity and fame. Daddy loves you very much...

WOW. These two are going to make some divorce attorneys verrrrrrrrry happy.