When you're already $11 million in the hole,

what's another hundred grand for a christening party?  Just a drop in the bucket.  It's all going to be discharged in bankruptcy anyway, so what's the big deal?  Yeah, yeah.  No one will even notice. 

I'm sure that's what Joe Guidice was telling himself here.  All broke and stubby and pre-heart attacky, with his wife shrilly in his ear "whatza matta, Joe?  Smiiiiiiiiiiile!"

There are two possibilities here:  Joe didn't tell Teresa about their enormous financial problems, or she knew and kept piling on.  Either way, they both look like crooks.  Too bad Andy Cohen isn't around to name them Jackholes of the Week, because they ran away with it last night.  Can't wait to see her next "bankruptcy is no biggie!!!!" blog post.

Do you think the check to the Brownstone cleared? 

Speaking of clearing, that's what you need to do with your schedule for the rest of the week because we have some very rigorous tv watching ahead of us.  I'm not kidding--you'd better stock up on booze and processed food.  I might even give you some warm-up stretches to help with eye strain and bed sores.   

Rachel Zoe - TONIGHT!
Top Chef - Wednesday (anyone else watching?)
Real Housewives of DC - Thursday
Bethenny Getting Married Finale {sob} - Thursday

and don't forget Flipping Out a week from today. 

This is what you can expect from Rachel Zoe tonight:

Scandal!

OH, wait!  One more thing--if you haven't seen Teresa's glorious Sizzle Tan commercial, you are in for a major treat.  Here it is:

The Guidices are pigs

PIGS!  If you saw the most recent episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, then you know what I mean.

"Aw, Joe!  You ran up the credit cards minutes before we filed for bankrupcty.  Fabulouuuuuus!"

I hope their creditors were watching and taking notes. 

Bethenny looked beautiful on Watch What Happens Live last night AND she said shit twice.  Bravo's so cocky that it didn't even bleep it out for the second airing!  Speaking of second airing, doesn't Kim G look like a goddamn crusty dusty evil doll?  Especially in that pink room with the daybed of a thousand pillows.  Ick.

I have received word from Binta.  An update soon....

Albie is in pain

and he needs us.  I'm going to lift my boycott to watch tonight's Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Here is the heartbreaking clip:

(click through if you can't see the video)

Damn those law school snobs!  Albie, get yourself some meds and have Caroline pay off the admissions board at the University of Denver, where you can have a fresh start and I will be available (VERY available) to supervise your studies Hot for Teacher style.

Problem SOLVED.

Let the flames be a metaphor for our love

An angel named Suzy flew down from heaven yesterday to email me hot-off-the-presses pictures of Jeff and Jenni at El Pollo Loco's annual grilling competition.   She reported that they were super-nice and that Jenni asked to try on one of the mascot costumes.  My heart swells with joy.

Thank you, Suzy, from the bottom of my desperate, aching heart.

In other news:

A few of you have been busting my chops for flaking out on the recaps.  It is true, I have been lax in my duties to you and I feel tremendous guilt and shame.  I want you to know that this blog is a labor of love, and the bulk of the recaps are written after 10pm.  Sometimes during this late night time slot, I am forced to attend to urgent business on facebook, such as looking at pictures of people I haven't spoken to since junior high.  On other nights, I find that it is a better use of my time to lay completely immobile on the couch while watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. 

It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that I often find it difficult to get shit done late at night.  If recapping was my day job, I would churn it OUT for you.  Yes I would.  But for now, I will continue to be inconsistent with the recaps and to exercise my God-given right to ignore Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Except for this.

Oh stop!  You know you wish you could work a pole like that.

Thanks for reading; I really do appreciate it.  Crazy blazing ass-burning chicken love to all of you.

Big Monday

The second installment of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion airs tonight.  Watch this:

If you are for some reason unable to watch the clip, here is a visual summary.

If there is a God in heaven, Andy Cohen will also ask Jill about the fake book review.  I will personally send him flowers if he does.

So, who's leaving Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight?  I'm boycotting that shit so report back.  My guess is Dina since she's the guest on WWHL tonight.

Here's a juicy piece of gossip from Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I can't bring myself to watch it, but maybe you can.  (thanks jenjen)