Tell me again, why are you here?

Or, just give me a cliche about why you're not here.

This montage was created by the brilliant Rich at Four Four. It's quite possible that he delights in reality tv more than I do.

Yo Yo! Where my WASPs at?

Meg from Pigtown Design posted the link to this video in the comments section of my last post. She described it as a combination of Kanye and Harvard, and it is PERFECTION. God, do those people need my help.

In the meantime, I haven't watched Flipping Out yet, so BACK OFF, bitches! I'll get to it.

Proving a Point

Mamacita tagged me a while back and I thought I'd use this opportunity to show you all that I do not limit my reading to blogs and Us Weekly. So here it is.

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people. & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

My book is The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett:

"Then on holy days, when people come from all over the country to hear the services in the cathedral, we gather farthings galore."

"It seems to me we might man the bridge on holy days only and give you a fire out of the proceeds," said Philip.

Paul looked anxious.

What do you think about that? The book is 973 pages long and I'm on page 796! That's right, bitches! And I'm not tagging anyone else because I'm a badass mothereffer.

Now, lest this post get too scholarly, I ask you to view this video, but for the love of God, DO NOT watch it in front of your kids, your boss, or the Pope. I swear, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

Thanks to Sundry Morning for turning me on to this sweet little gem.

A Mother's Day Riddle

Question: What do you get when you cross SGM with her own mother and Jill Zarin from Real Housewives of New York City?

Answer:

To be clear, my mom and I don't go for Precious Moments figurines or any other type of figurine. We would both rather die a torturous death than have any of that displayed in our houses, but you know Jill LOVES that shit.

If you think this video was funny, try this one, which is quite possibly even more hilarious because I inadvertently re-enacted it yesterday morning (but with a cordless phone).

Thanks to Jezebel for turning me on to this brilliance!

Stupid Hard Advanced

I'll have a "real" post later, but in the meantime, please enjoy this hilarious video about how much you suck at Photoshop.*

*Thanks to My Love for You for directing me to this amusing little tidbit. For the record, I don't know anything about Photoshop and this is still the funniest video I've seen, um, since that Paul Rudd one I just posted. You can watch the whole series, along with the demise of the narrator's marriage and career, here.