Wednesday, June 25, 2008 Meg from Pigtown Design posted the link to this video in the comments section of my last post. She described it as a combination of Kanye and Harvard, and it is PERFECTION. God, do those people need my help.
In the meantime, I haven't watched Flipping Out yet, so BACK OFF, bitches! I'll get to it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 
Hi! You have probably heard of me--I'm the (unofficial) new cast member of The Real Housewives of New York City. In order to cement my position, I need a high-powered job. Coincidentally, Harvard needs someone to retool its stuffy, elitist image into one of acceptance and educational innovation. I propose a partnership that will make Harvard relevant again as well as give me the respected teaching position I need for my reality show. How, you ask? By offering an in-depth class exploring the work of Kanye West.
The name of the course will be called Kanye 411, and I am uniquely qualified to teach it. I will get to the course description and a sample lecture in a moment, but first I'd like to show you my teacher outfit:
Smart and sexy, in a very understated way. It's all part of the vision I have for the new Harvard.
Here is my proposed class description:
Kanye 411The class will be an upper level course available to students pursuing degrees in the fields of philosophy, cultural studies and fresh-ass hip-hop (which is a new department that I will recommend be created). I believe in lots of student participation, mentally and physically, as evidenced by the following sample lecture:
A historical and critical study of the major concepts of the work of Kanye West. Particular attention will be given to the lyrics of Gold Digger and Stronger, and the dangers of listening to Kanye at the gym.
Kanye 411
Dr. SGM
Harvard University, Fall 2008
II. Do you want to jump out of the building with joy every time you hear the roboto voice at the beginning of Stronger? Why?
A. Origins of roboto voice
1. Robots
2. Styx
B. Students will be asked to mimic roboto voice and also do futuristic dancing.
III. "Let's get lost tonight; you can be my black Kate Moss tonight"
A. The meaning of "let's get lost tonight"
1. figurative or literal?
2. a veiled reference to the show "Lost"
3. in the context of Kanye's life at the time
a. expressing need to not be famous
b. expressing need to get really drunk/high, which leads into . . .
B. The meaning of "you can be my black Kate Moss tonight." Is he giving permission or assigning a role?
1. What would being "black Kate Moss" entail? Drug use, killer clothes, model attitude?
2. Would you consent/agree to being his black Kate Moss? Why or why not?
3. Does the thought of being Kanye's black Kate Moss kind of turn you on?
IV. Homework essay--500 words--
Do you think that Kanye would hook up with the real Kate Moss? Support your answer with lyrics from any of Kanye's songs and the work of Perez Hilton.V. The End
I am in the process of obtaining Kanye as a guest speaker and possible adjunct professor for the Kanye 501 class "Big is Best: Egos in Modern Day Hip-Hop". Talk about increasing your number of applicants! His connection with your university could also help with your fundraising efforts.
My salary requirements at this point would be in the $300,000 range, but my fee for this idea and image make-over is negotiable. Please contact me as soon as possible so that we may discuss this in more detail over the phone. I look forward to working with such a distinguished and venerated university. Let's make history!
Very Truly Yours,
Dr. SGM
P.S. Sorry about the gd formatting for my outline. Blogger is not cooperating!
cc: Kanye West
Sunday, January 13, 2008 
I recently joined a gym and let me tell you, it has been a loooong time since I've been to the gym. The last time I set foot in a gym, mp3 players did not exist, so I was quite thrilled to strap on the ol' ipod and bounce my fat around to my own playlist. That is, until Beyonce's Irreplaceable came on. Oh my God, I am compelled to move to this song. Indeed, I have no choice but to move.
So picture me on the treadmill, a 36 year old white mother with a graduate degree, clenching her fists fighting to KEEP. IT. IN. while I hear "to the left, to the left . . . everything you own in the box to the left . . ." If you aren't familiar with this song, don't worry. I will post it at the bottom so that you will know the power that is Beyonce. Anyhow, I must move my head and shoulders in a leftward (is that a word?) motion when I hear "to the left, to the left." I also have lip-synch to this part, at the very least. And my hands, they have to be . . . out, fingers slightly apart, fully extended. I'm sure I looked like I was having a mini-seizure trying not to dance and sing with Beyonce.
And then after Irreplaceable? Gold Digger. That's right. Just try not dancing to Gold Digger. TRY IT. If you can remain still while listening to that song, well then I'll give you a trophy. A trophy that says "I am dead inside," because that is what you would be if you're not dancing to Kanye. I want to watch you when you hear "we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup, yeeeeeeeeeah," and see what you do. Myself, I have to be doing a "raise the roof" type of movement (similar to this person). It can be ever so slight, but it has to be there. It must be there or I will explode.
Please tell me that this is not my own psychological disorder (I think it would be classified with Tourette's). What songs have this type of effect on you? Besides Gold Digger, of course.
And now, I present to you: Irreplaceable. (fyi, the first 20 seconds or so are silence. Stick with it.)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007 Okay, stick with me on this one.
I live in Denver and for the most part, it is a very homogeneous town. Very white bread, vanilla ice cream, lots of upper and middle class white people running around exercising and talking about skiing.* The radio stations here are the same way; it's all Nickelback, The Fray, Rob Thomas over and over and over. As a result, I had heard of Kanye West but had never listened to his music, just thought he was an a-hole with a big ego and an even bigger yap and a misguided sense of fashion. Example:
But then last week I happened upon this new radio station and I heard Gold Digger. Kanye? Are you out there, honey? I love you. This song is glorious. For real. It is lewd and degrading in many ways, but it makes me so happy for some reason.
I understand that this song came out forever ago and that I am way behind the times, but I urge you now to shut the door to your office, listen to (more than watch) the video below and shake your moneymaker. I think you will feel compelled to do so. **
*which is not to say that I don't like it, because I do. What it lacks in cutting edge culture, it makes up for by being beautiful. Have you ever been to a concert a Red Rocks? Nothing better, I tell you.
**Note to self: idea for future post--deconstructing the lyrics of Kanye West. Just kidding! But not really.
