It's so easy to read their minds

Ramoner: I'm bored. I need to be stimulated. I think I will bring up Alex's nude photos one more time after the show.

Alex: Well, it's fine, but it's certainly no corset made out of rotting burlap.

Jill: Let's get this over with. Brad's re-wallpapering my entire apartment with the Zarin logo and I just know he's going to screw it up.

Jaqueline: I wonder what it would be like to read a book.

Dina: Bubbies are too small. Next.

Caroline: What the fuck are you lookin' at, bitch?

Teresa: I wonder where we place orders? I want five of everything.

Danielle: Little do they know, I have Cop without a Badge hiding under this paper. We're gonna clear the air once and for all!

For more photos of the Housewives at The Fashion Show fashion show (what?), go here.

Like Tony Soprano, but with biggah tits

My apologies to the Manzos, but the mafia jokes never get old.

Behold, KCSCougar's latest production. I am snorting like a piggy--it's so funny, maybe his best one yet. (language is delightfully NSFW).

I haven't watched Part 2 of the reunion yet but have talked to a few people about it. WHAT DID DANIELLE DO? She briefly alludes to it in her blog. There's something very, very juicy here and I'm not talking about Andy Cohen's butt. What do you think?

All the world's a stage!

At least for Danielle, because why else would you say shit like this (after a hearing to prevent the release of your sex tape):

This is about my kids. I'm a big girl. Do what you want to me. But you broke bread with my children. Don't do this to me. No adult should ever do this to a child.

Can you see me rolling my eyes to the heavens? She's a piece of work, that one. (said in my best Jersey accent.)

"You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me! Now who wants a handjob in my car?"

Did you know that Bravo claims it knew nothing about The Book before the show started taping? Hello, JACKPOT. Can you imagine the clapping and squealing going on in Andy Cohen's office when the news broke?

ROUND 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion tonight. A preview of Caroline's "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID" moment:

Sources: NYDailyNews, Newsday, NYPost and Scarface. Thanks to Lauren K and LDW for the tips!

Being a prostitution whore is only the tip of the iceberg

Read a summary of Danielle's ever-growing problems here.

In other shocking news, Danielle admits to making gout with Don Johnson. I'm not sure what that entails, but it sounds illegal.

What did you think of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, Part 1?

"My back is killing me. Thank God for this pillow!"

So much excellent tv, we might get bedsores

Anderson Cooper is going to pee his pants when he sees this:

My favorite part? "I love a crawl!" Oh, how I have missed the NeNe and Dwight show. For those of you who couldn't get into Real Housewives of Altanta, I beg you to give it another chance. Season 2 starts on July 30.

TONIGHT, we have the Jersey reunion. Instead of posting a clip and causing you to be distracted by the 17 chandeliers and the front-and-center baby coffin (thanks, My Favorite and Best, for identifying it), I am posting a clip of the highly entertaining commentary from the table flipping incident.

My heart aches for a friendship with Caroline. Aches! And I'm not just saying that because it would bring me closer to seXXXy Albie; I really mean it.

AND, don't forget the baby douchebags on NYC Prep, which also airs tonight. Dreadful! (which is exactly how I like it.)

(click through if you can't see the videos, sweethearts.)