Inbox
Sunday, July 25, 2010 
From: binta <binta_basim@live.com>
To:
Date: Tue, July 20
Subject: Hello
My name is binta,i am good looking. I saw your profile on and i pick intrest on you after going through your profile and was delighted to contact you, I hope you will be the true loving, honest and caring,i will tell you more about me on my next mail to you,please contact me directly through my email address and i will also send my pictures to you on my next mail.
Warm regard
From binta.
Dear Binta,
Thank you for your email. I am delighted you contacted me too! I must tell you that I found it so refreshing that you told me right off the bat that you are good looking. I wish more people would do that. Attractiveness is an important factor that is best not left to the last sentence. You clearly have a considerate and upfront nature.
I hope I'm not being presumptuous, but your email seems to suggest that you are interested a loving and perhaps sexual relationship with me. I am beyond flattered (in fact I am blushing as I type this) but I have to be honest with you. I am currently not a lesbian. I don't know which of my profiles led you to me, but I'm guessing you saw this photo:
What can I say? It was the early 90s, and everyone was into grunge. Of course that doesn't explain my enthusiastic performance of the Running Man, but in my defense, I was at Mardi Gras and probably one or two hurricanes deep into my street dance routine. So don't be embarrassed; you aren't the first person to mistake me for a lesbian (or a drug addict for that matter).
That being said, I somehow feel incredibly drawn to you. Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, I am the Lindsay Lohan to your Samantha Ronson? I'm sure this sounds strange, but I can already picture us playing frisbee with your dogs, harvesting our organic vegetable garden, and driving your mom and stepdad's camper to the middle of nowhere, snuggling at night in our zipped-together sleeping bags. Binta, it's like a dream, a nocturnal emission of the brain, telling me that you might be The One.
I eagerly await your reply, and please send those photos. In the meantime, I will prepare to tell my husband and children that I can't deny these feelings any longer. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pursue this chance at true happiness.
Yours,
SGM
p.s. I really do need to see your pictures. It's not that I don't trust you, because I do, but I need to make sure that your definition of good looking is the same as mine. Also, if you could send a little cash, it would really help me out because I have a few debts to settle (I'm definitely not a drug addict but I do have the occasional bump of cocaine. Totally not a big deal--I'll explain later). Thank you so much, Binta! I live for the moment we can meet in person.
Reader Comments (33)
Looking for love in all the wrong places. Kind of endearing though, hmmm? Poor little Binta.
Holy Shit Balls. Is this for real?! I hope she sends you those pics, pronto!
Holy Hell.
My sweet Binta, surely when SGM captured your heart it was only because you missed the photo of me in from my early nineties alpine town ski chick phase: thermal leggings with waffle texture, broomstick skirt in India handblocks and an over-sized Alpaca sweater purchased at the Telluride bluegrass festival topped off with high top Bass leather shoes. Ahh, sexy for sure.
We need more proof. In that pic, Binta looks like one of the aliens from the movie Signs. I'm highly suspicious...
Damn bitch binta better not be stepping on my turf. Im sending her a scathing email right now that says: BACK THE FUCK OFF!
Oh my goodness. That was hilarious!!!! I hope she sends you photos :) Please share with the class if she does.
K
Ok, I was laughing so hard reading this that I had tears running down my face. My husband even asked me if I was crying!!! One of my favorite posts :)
srsly, you rock.
Hysterical!!!! I'm gonna pee my pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
OMG! I totally received an email from Binta last week, she is so two timing you already!
In my wildest dreams I thought how funny it would be to actually reply, but then of course
your really did, well I hope you did!! Can't wait to see a reply.
Yep you were totally into grunge. You look like the "go to" person for a rully, rully fun night! Lucky Binta. I hope it works out between the two of you. What about Frank?
Robyn, must be another Binta.
To my real life lesbian partner - DO NOT screw this up for me. (but omg, two ladies fighting over me? Kind of awesome.)
rosebud. Depending on my reply from Binta, he may be up for grabs. I'll keep you posted.
everyone should go clam digging at least once in their life; as for me, i gave-up after my first taste of sweet cherry caviar.
xoxo
Ya'll made my morning!
LOL
No mention of the run on sentence? Gotta love Binta's use of comma's.
I call dibs on Frank.
I urge you not to go down this path, SGM. The homosexual lifestyle can only lead to heartache.
Sincerely,
Harvey Millstein, CID
This is the funniest thing I've read in a looong time. After all the laughing, I don't have the energy to come up with a humorous comment here.
That was inspired and hilarious and perfection. I think I've fallen in love with you, too. : )
Thanks....this was my first guffaw of the day! I can always count on you, SGM.
hahaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh binta, you rascal.
Everyone has had Binta, darling.
Why aren't you all supporting this? I am terribly hurt that people are not only judging me, but Binta. BINTA HAS DONE NOTHING TO YOU. You make disparaging remarks toward her just because her English isn't perfect? Just because she is looking for love on the internet? Just because she has chosen ME?
This reeks of jealousy.