Impending Doom

My family and I were at Chuck E Cheese today for my niece's birthday. As a result, posting will be light in about 2 days when we are all ill and wishing for death.

I'd like to go ahead and confirm that my experience at Chuck E Cheese sucked for the following reasons:

1) Cheri's ex had the kids this weekend and they were all there with his new girlfriend.

FYI, the ex was really pissed that Chuck had it's liquor license suspended. Are you wondering "how on earth does Chuck E Cheese get its liquor license suspended?" Me too, but I wasn't about to ask the surly teenage employees.

2) Noise, germs, bad food, and moms with visible boob tattoos. Boob tattoos are so ill-advised, don't you think? Especially the mini-tiger claw variety. Can't wait to see them at age 65.

3) My brother-in-law's friend was there with his fiance, and I called her by the old girlfriend's name. I realized it as it was coming out of my mouth. That was pretty awesome. It was witnessed by many people who suddenly pretended be busy handing out tokens and such. I spent the rest of the time trying to keep her in earshot while I referred to her by her correct name. Cool.

Did I tell you that my 6 year old put a token in his mouth? So yeah. We're going down.

Enjoy your weekend, and don't you dare get a boob tattoo without talking to me first.

EDIT: My disclaimer--Denver has suburban Chuck E Cheeses and "urban" Chuck E Cheeses. We went to an urban one yesterday, which was decidedly more violent, grungy and unpleasant than suburban ones. The moral of the story is, not all Chuck E Cheeses are this bad. None are completely fantastic and you can be sure that they all have strains of the plague on the skeeball balls, but there's definitely a spectrum of awfulness.

The Scroll-down Ass

I saw the top part of this picture on dlisted* today and thought, "oh, more Britney....blah blah blah." But then I viewed the rest of the image and recognized this B-list celeb by her arse.

My first emotion upon realizing that I was correct: extreme joy. What does that say about me? Rather than answer that question, I think I'm going to go eat some Twizzlers and then get into the fetal position.

Have a great afternoon.

*Do you read dlisted? I hope so, because it's splendidly dirty-nasty funny.

Where I'd like to be right now

Here:

The kids would have to scram, of course, and I'd like some dappled sunshine and an ocean. Oh, I would also need someone to push me gently for hours without speaking or even breathing.

Someone will need to fetch me some gossip and interior design magazines, as well as a mindless book or two. A frappacuino and a light snack of french fries will be required, and probably cupcakes. I don't mean to be difficult, but I could really use a pedicure. I'd also appreciate a nearby blooming lilac bush, the skin of an 20 year-old and this dress:

and these sunglasses:

Shoes? How kind of you to ask, but I am in a basket swing on the beach. Shoes would be silly--and my pedicure needs to dry.

It's really not too much to ask, is it?

Instead, I am sitting here at my desk, just now noticing that one of the people I gave birth to has wiped her nose on my shoulder.

Nice.

Basket swing photo courtesy of The Family at Home by Anita Kaushal

A little gem of a blog

Have you ever been exploring in blogger-land and stumbled upon a fresh new blogger, someone that you want to remember? But then you follow one of her links and the next thing you know, you're lost and can't remember how to get back to your new little fave. Despair! Lucky for me, I dug deep and recalled her name and was able to get back to her only to find that others have discovered her too. She has already been included on Desire to Inspire's weekend links and her bedroom, the one pictured above, is going to be featured on Design*Sponge on Thursday.

Meet The World According to Jessica Claire, and the post that made me want to come back for more. And also this one. Check her out!

Couple Things

Do you see how I brought my two subjects together? Swimming suits and Scott Baio.

1. All right. When I was young and single, I was a member at a downtown gym with a steam room in the ladies locker room. Everyone steamed naked. No big deal, that's just how it was.

Fast-forward 10 years later. I walk into the steam room at my new suburban gym and everyone has towels on. In fact, it is a posted rule that towels or swimming suits must be worn in the steam room. Is this weird? I think it's weird.

2. Scott Baio, will you please please get a grip? You act like you are the first person in the history of mankind to ever be nervous about marriage and kids. Tonight, when you almost fainted during your tour of the labor and delivery ward? I had to turn the channel, I was so embarrassed for you. You can take the kid out of drama but you can't take the drama out of the kid, eh Chachi? You're 46. Stop this televised pity party and get some dignity, man.