What's up, hookers?
Thursday, April 15, 2010 I'm so happy to see you! I've gone through many personal changes since I last posted, and one of them is that I now watch Jerseylicious, High Society and reruns of Ghost Whisperer. All are unspeakably dreadful, and I am simultaneously pleased and deeply ashamed to add them to my tv-watching repertoire. Another big change: I called to reduce my cable service and was invited to sign up for the Premiere Package. !!!!! For those of you who don't know, it's a very exclusive upgrade which includes getting every channel on the planet for an ass-raping amount of money. How could I turn it down? I couldn't. I don't mean to brag, but I now have 5 channels of Filipino gameshows--the very definition of luxury.
I have missed you all like LuAnn misses the Count's offshore bank account, which is to say desperately. I read all of your comments during my break and was very touched by all of the kind words and expressions of mild suffering. To thank you for sticking with me, I give you a new photo of Jeff Lewis:
My favorite part is the bubble exclamation point.
Let's get to work!
1. Who's watching 9 by Design? STRESSFUL. I couldn't take it. When the 9 months pregnant Cortney was standing on the countertop in order to pack and move her 6 children to another, yet-to-be-determined apartment in a matter of days, my husband begged "Turn it! TURN IT!"
I did. Switched over to Parenthood and that was that.
I'll give the Novogratz fam another shot.
2. On tonight's Real Housewives of NYC, new Housewife Sonja Morgan makes her first appearance.
(click through if you can't see the video)
I'm taking bets on how soon she will describe herself as "the real Carrie Bradshaw." It's inevitable.
3. The lovely yet dirty-mouthed Mason of Movin 92.5 and I break down Bethenny's recent cry-a-thon below (warning: I act somewhat autistic on the phone and I pronounce Lanvin wrong).
Reader Comments (51)
ok yes 9 by Design was stressful to watch, but i couldn't get a word in edgewise to comment during the entire episode so i say i'm hooooked! at least it will make me never want to have children...ever.
speaking of stressful - NYC housewives last night and ramona's tirade of terror? holy crap.
Separated at birth: Sonja and Melissa Etheridge
9 by Design- So Courtney and I have the same OBGNY. I found out when she said her name during the phone call. Courtney is a much better customer than me and gives her WAY more business.
Sonja- O.k. this is weird but here goes...the first thing I noticed about Sonja is her mouth, it is so bizarrely ugly. Whenever she spoke I couldn't stop staring at it. Particularly because she wouldn't shut up about how much she loves sex. I kept thinking about that ugly mouth going down on guys and I was repulsed. Oh yeah, did I mention that she loves sex? Really, she does. She LOVES SEX and guys, LOVES THEM.
Townhouselady:
I noticed too. Here's what it is: Her top lip DOES NOT MOVE. Watch next time.
Just watched Bonus Video from Watch What Happens Live and Andy said Jill's got a new blog up on the Bravo website. Where is it?
Thank God you are back! I discovered your blog 2 weeks before you went on Hiatus. Two weeks is ample time to build it into my morning routine of personal things to check before actually working!
So glad to have you back, as you are my newest most favorite Time Suck at work!
Cheers!
dear fucking fuck sticks! thank god. i watched that stressfest of a show RHONY just now and i need a bath filled with 8krillion boxes of epsom salts to draw out the toxins...there is some alien backwards shit going on in this show...it's like freaky fucking friday around there. luann is like ramona last season, ramona is like kelly last season, kelly is like alex last season, alex is like jill last season..jill is like simon...wait...what? meryl streep is now a housewife...ramona's eyes punched me in the face...what the shit is this??
from the blog of Teresa (the table flipper on RHNJ), on the Bravo website:
You know who I don’t know though? Sonja. I've never met her, and she’s newer than me, so she hasn’t said nasty things about me (yet) so I can’t possibly be biased against her, right? I’m just going to watch and judge. (Isn’t that Bravo’s tagline? Watch And Judge?) And here’s what I think: Crazy Old Whore.
She bragged about how much she loves sex, how much she has sex, how many young guys she has sex with… I’m not buying it. First, let’s look at the facts. She’s not married, so all that screwing around does make her a whore. Secondly, she has a 9-year-old daughter, whom I’m assuming has heard of TV. How very Danielle of her to brag about being a whore on a show that will eventually show her daughter with her.
Thirdly, she’s too old to be screwing around like that. She’s not even a cougar; she’s like a cougar’s mom. And finally, she was married for 10 years to a guy who was 77 when they got divorced (I had to look him up, it was killing me). Don’t act like you’re all sensual and into sex when you married your grandpa. Bitch.
SGM: missed you!!
ps. I think while you were gone Jill wrote a book!
I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!
I also called to reduce our TV because WTF, we pay $70 per month for just TV and no one is watching it. I signed up for the basic package and now I no longer have BRAVO. Or FX.
The only two channels I watch.
EFF EFF EFF.
Welcome back!
Sonja is an older version of Carolyn Bessette (JFK Jr's wife). She's got the never ending nose.
Courtney needs to get her tubes tied. I thought she was trying to kill herself on that countertop.
I have heard that Jill said that Bravo told her to bring the drama or she wouldn't be holding an apple next season, and this is the reason for her behavior this year. If true, how sad that she places so little value on her integrity, reputation or her family.
How LOW was Kodak's budget that they picked Jill Zarin as a spokesperson?
First of all, Jill is off the spool completely. I totally agreed with Bethenny that whatever she would have sent Bobby would have not been enough for Jill. She would find fault in ANYTHING...I know people like that..always raising the bar if they think you're anywhere close to getting their approval. Shitheels. Secondly, didn't Kelly use the word "deflate" meaning to use "deflect"? Her brain must look like Swiss cheese. Lastly, I think Sonja looks like Tracey Pollan (married to Michael J. Fox)...I hate to diss Tracey in that way, but it's the first thing I thought of when I saw our newest train wreeck. And if anybody needs a bitchslap followed by a pimp slap, it's The Countess. What a sorry piece of Eurotrash...she's not only "Countless" she's "No Count"....I think I shall call her The Cuntess. Yes...that's the ticket. It's a sad day in Bravovillle when Alex and Simon are the ones who seem to have their heads screwed on straight.
okay, then. let's get settled in for some delicious Housewives recap/slamming. so glad you are back and you have a lovely and elegant radio voice. i listened to your clip with Mason whoever-she-is and I think you should do podcasts. Very nice.
I watch the shows - all of them except for the Atlanta women who I simply cannot tolerate - but, really, all of them are insufferable people. If I saw myself portrayed as they are I'd die of shame at once. I cannot understand people who put themselves out there and despite the creative editing, BEHAVE worse than many children I know. I know, fame, money, attention - isn't it sickening (good fun?!) But they are so incredibly immature - Jill, lady, LET IT GO, grow up. LuAnn: so pretentious and obvious. Ramona? Like fingernails on the chalkboard. You know who seems halfway normal and regular to me? Alex. I think she always has, but just has been edited to seem worse than she is. The way Jill and LuAnn and Ramona absolutely put her in the middle, "you have to choose!" with their competing Labor Day parties, and broadcasting phone calls on speaker phones like they are in 4th grade is truly painful to watch. Which is exactly what Bravo knows that keeps me coming back!
Bethenny? She's real. Always thought so. Jill coming on Andy (*shivers*)'s show with her mother? No, didn't gain any credibility with me whatsoever. I do, however, think her red/gold hair is pretty.
Thank you for being back, missed you the withdrawals can now stop
For the love of Charo, thank GOD you're back. I have been DYING to hear what you think about High Society. Do you feel the need to shower after every episode, or is that just me? Also, is it wrong that Kelly and Alex are my favorite RHONYC this season? Jill is pissing me OFF - DAYUM she a bitch this time around. Ramoner is also one of the few who seems to make any sense, in some ass backwards way. I am afeared, mama. Hold me.............
Mwah!
Shansies
Yay ;)
9 by design those people are breeding crazy, love parenthood, haven't been able to watch a whole show of NYHW for sometime. I'm so horrified by all of them. Kelly is actually looking pretty sane lately
What is the deal with all the weird looking women in NYC? That new one, Sonja, is downright scary looking, sort of in the "Alex of the horseface" mold. Kelly looks like a WWF reject. Ramoner looks like The Exocist victim on a bad night. Jill's black heart shows on her hateful, smirking face. Bethenny's got the bod (or did before PG) but those droopy eyes and chipmunck cheeks AND jaws are NOT pretty. The countless was poorly dressed and coiffed even when she was a RICH bitch. I mean, I'm not the greatest looking person in the world myself, but I'm not on TV, now am I? I can look in the mirror for a minute is I want to see that mess.
I almost died without you around.
I love 9 By Design, but I cover my eyes a lot. She is much calmer than I would be.
Ugh. So jealous you remember to watch High Society. I keep forgetting and I secretly live in 1997 so I don't have DVR.
oh, but i do love 9 by Design. It's already a favorite. but a man who's always so seriously styled as - whatever his name is? it could be ANYTHING, but he's The Dad, The Husband in the show - I'm bugged by his pretentious hats and vests and other getups. but i find that show entirely captivating.
YOU'RE BACK!!!! YAY! i'm late, as i didn't want to surf over and see your hiatus message again. ta DA! fresh posts! love it! hope you're well, glad you're back!
SGM, although we have never met, I have always considered you a BFF. In honor of Jill and Bethenny, I am officially losing you as a hobby as you have insulted Ghost Whisperer like none other. Who cares about the actual show, it's all about the sets, which hubby designs. Take it back or I will cut you out like cansuh!
OMG! The sets are the best part of the show! I LOVE THE SETS AND YOUR HUSBAND. It is my love/hate relationship with JLH that fills me with shame.
I am curled up on the couch, hot cup of tea in hand, Devon swinging in her swing for longer than would likely be recommended, and DIVING in to all of these posts FINALLY! And, can I tell you, I got positively giddy just now to hear your voice! How fun that you do these radio shows!!