I may never get off the couch again

Everyone has totally already scooped me on this, but I thought you needed to hear it from me too. According to everyone in the whole gd world, Bravo is bringing back Real Housewives of Orange County for a fourth season, Real Housewives of NYC for a second season and there will be a new Housewives series set in New Jersey.* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also coming back: Flipping Out 2 (woo hoo!), Project Runway 5 (before it moves to Lifetime) and Tim Gunn's Guide to Style 2 (before he moves to Lifetime too, and Tim, please tell me that you've ditched Veronica Webb). Project Runway 5 will premiere in July, but no word on when the others are going to air.

New shows include that awful Date my Ex, featuring poseurs Jo and Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County and a Rachel Zoe reality show.

Stockpile your food, clear your schedules--or better yet--quit your job, because there's a whole lotta tv watchin' to do!

*Someone tried desperately to tip me off to this in the comments of the Real Housewives NYC finale post, but I thought it was a joke--a hilarious joke. I mean, really! The accents! I may be forced to watch this show through closed captioning.

Concerning tv

1. I am calling it now: Daisy is going to win Rock of Love 2. While I like the other contender, Ambre, she's more suited to being my insurance agent than being Bret Michael's babe. She's trying--I'll give her that--but am I the only one who is totally uncomfortable seeing her in a belly shirt and two-tone hair? Dude, that's like seeing ME in a belly shirt and two-tone hair, and that's just wrong. If you want to see more of Ambre trying to be someone she isn't, check out her topless photo (she's covering her boobs with her arms) on her myspace. Yikes.

On a related note, I am hoping that my daughter (now age 3) will not audition for Rock of Love 19.

2. Did anyone catch the Kardashian's E! True Hollywood Story? My husband shamed me out of watching it.

3. I have no intention of watching former "Bachelor" Bob Guiney's new show on TLC. Just so you know.

4. Do you read Gawker's Real Housewives of NYC commentary? You should. Gawker states that someone tried to sell them nude photos of our dear Alex McCord Von Bad Teeth Kempen. There's only one reaction to that:

The Hills: Who knew?

Who knew that Lauren was a hop-on-the-back-of-a-vespa-with-a-
stranger-in-the-freezing-rain-with-your-borrowed-expensive-ball
-gown-bunched-up-in-your-lap kind of girl? On one hand, I thought "you're going to ruin your (second) beautiful gown, dumbass!" but on the other hand I thought "way to be young and adventurous, Lauren!" Especially considering the fact that she was not romantically interested in Mr. Vespa--did you see how she was trying to avoid any sort of face-closeness when he dropped her off?

[in French accent] "Lauren! Wait! Oh. Um, bye."

I tell you, there was a lot to like about Lauren on the new episode of The Hills last night. For example, she hemmed her fancy Ferretti gown in order to wear it to a dressy club (where t-shirts and flannel are apparently considered dressy. Oh God, I sound like my mother). If it would have been me, I would have zipped out to the nearest Parisian boutique and bought something off the rack. But not millionaire tv star Lauren; she just whips out the ol' needle and thread. Also, her tears over ruining said ball gown--so sweet. If Heidi would have been in the same situation and cameras weren't rolling, she would have called down to the concierge and screamed "this is Heidi Montag and I need a new fucking ball gown in 10 fucking minutes or heads are going to fucking ROLL, Pierre!" Then she would have slammed the phone down and gone back to looking at her boobs in the mirror.

Which brings us to Heidi . . . . boo freakin' hoo is about all I have to say. It was nice to see her abuse Spencer last night, but it seemed very contrived, just like everything else they do together. If she really didn't want to see him, he wouldn't have been invited out to dinner with her parents (how awkward was that, btw); he would have been in a hotel waiting for the next flight out. I might have applauded Heidi for a move like that, but she's obviously taken the mega-douche back and that can never be applauded.

One last thing: Whitney Port is so beautiful and chic! Lauren's cute, but next to the glowing Whitney, she looked too tan and even a bit swarthy. Ooh, also loved the Paris scenery as well as the Frenchie music (my favorite song, which was also in the finale of Sex and the City, can be found here).

Did you watch? What did you think?

P.S. My recap of this show will not be a regular thing; it will appear only at my whim because I don't want be committed to re-living the Heidi and Spencer fakery every week.

Fire up your tvs

because The Hills returns tonight!

Awww, doesn't this photo just warm your heart? The wholesome goodness that is Heidi and Spencer fills me with joy. Can't wait to see what these sweet kids have been up to--I haven't seen Heidi on the cover of Us Weekly for two whole weeks!

Willpower like you've never seen

It took EVERYTHING I HAD not to buy this today. I'll be damned if Heidi and Spencer are going to make me break my spending hiatus with their fake stories about cheating as a new season of The Hills is about to begin. Heidi, leave this a-hole, already! God!