"Tell me you're stopping with the Kelly because I CAN'T TAKE IT."
Thursday, May 14, 2009 
Not me, Ramoner. I say keep it coming! Just when I think Kelly can't get any dumber, SHE DOES. Bitch has the brain of an amoeba. A newborn amoeba! Everything out of her mouth is either completely irrelevant to the subject at hand or in direct contradiction to one of her previous irrelevant statements. Does that make sense, or did I somehow get transported into Kelly time? Listening to her speak causes my brain cells to shrivel up and beg for mercy.
Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion was bananas. I could spend 10 hours trying to recount it and still not give you a good idea of how crazy bonkers it was, so let's just open it up for discussion.
Talking points:
1. Kelly's so "insular" (typically poor choice of wording), which is why she's on a reality show.
2. On Kelly's habit of not saying hi to people--Kelly says "what's the big deal?" and Bethenny has my favorite moment of the show, "It makes you a piece of shit, that's what's the big deal!" YES.
3. "I love to explore awesome people. I don't want to live in negative-town. I don't like fodder." a) Kelly IS fodder, and b) that quote needs to be on an effing t-shirt.
4. As you know, I am not the Countess' biggest fan, but I thought she handled herself pretty well in both Parts 1 and 2, and she asked Kelly the best and most pointed questions of the night. No disrespect to Andy Cohen. I LOVE YOU ANDY.
But I do agree that you could use a little haircut.
Do you think the Countess was really starting to cry when she put that pillow over her face?
5. Mario checking out the ladies (how did I miss that the first time around?) and Bethenny's "I think Mario wants to be a little star."
6. Ramoner's buggy eyes are apparently a sensitive subject?
7. Did Kelly say "when I went to the Brass Monkey and I saw the puss on her face"? (at the 1:45 mark HERE)
8. If I hear the word "branding" on any of these shows again, I will BLOW my BRAINS out.
9. Kelly's earnest "Normally I do. I do wear bras a lot."
10. I love Jill Zarin. So much.
11.
Kelly: I want to talk about interesting fun things.Bethenny: Like stuff? Let's talk about STUFF.
Andy Cohen: We're going over what happened this season on the show.
Kelly: But I'm bored with it.
OMFG.
12. NYC Prep looks so TRASHY and that's why we're going to watch it.
13. Alex. Mute but for two sentences while trying to translate for the K-bomb.
MAZEL on finishing the season, everyone! Obviously I thought the best parts of the reunion were Kelly's. What do you think? What did I miss? Give it to me.
Reader Comments (42)
i'm a big fan of yours but i have to say...
go team rose colored glasses
why?
1) reality is relative - why is bethanney's reality more real than kelly's?
2) if i were stuck on an island - i'd rather the ditzy optimist over the negative nelly (since i'm not sure either would know how to build shelter anyway)
3) i'm not sure how bethanney's behavior was any better than anyone else's; i.e., blowing a gasket at a $140K event because someone was "talking behind your back"? not so swift.
4) and please - the woman is bright, good looking, has a killer bod and a best seller - ENJOY IT!
5) finally, she's found success and a boy - shouldn't that allow her to be slightly magnanimous?
yes. kelly has issues and needs a decoder ring or a translator but folks isn't running thru the fields (or in front of a cab) just slightly more original and potentially entertaining than crying in your skinnygirl (tm) cocktail?
just asking...
Wow. Just wow.
My thoughts:
Ramoner is SUCH an instigator! Trying to hi-5 Bethenny. And yeah, the crazy eyes..ugh.
Kelly - um, yeah.
All in all, it was great/terrible. But at least they all admit how lame they are...well, kinda in a round about way towards the end.
And I love what you said about that prep show - TRASHY and we're totally watching. I agree SGM!
Oh and can't wait for your NJ recap!
I think the only "winner" here is Bravo (and sadly, I don't mean Andy because these bitches ignored his moderator status). The housewives came off terribly, I thought.
Amen to comment #1! As Alex pointed out, Kelly is inarticulate, but I haven't heard the back-biting comments and the sniping these other women have elevated to an art form. I think she's harmless...in her little rose colored glasses way and I tired of Bethenny repeatedly talking about Kelly being from another planet.
Ramona is out of control, Bethenny and Jill with their handholding solidarity? I thought it was beyond childish. I don't know why Bethenny gets the good edit....there was no reason for Bethenny to call Kelly a piece of shit.
I thought the Countess did well, especially since she was never my favorite, but GOOD GOLLY, what was it Ramona said about LuAnn grabbing someone's balls? Bahahahah.
These women harbor petty jealousies and imagined slights. It's sad to see a group with so much good fortune (money, looks, health) turn into a bunch of shreiking harpies who seemed better suited for Jerry Springer.
Alex and Luann came off as class acts.
Jill a close second, ( I do wish her mother was there)
Ramona- no loyalty, no alliances- if she were on survivor? first one voted off!
Bethanny- a bit shrill and intense. I like her fun and glib.
Kelly? I actually think Alex got it right. Because she is SOOOO inarticulate there is bound to be misunderstandings. Not the brightest star in the sky, the sharpest tool in the shed...
4 - I think her breakup has brought out the real person in her
7 - Yes
10 - Absolutely. I want Jill Zarin as my mother. And her mother as my grandmother. I loved how she was holding Bethenny's hand while she was defending her.
13 - I thought Alex came off OK, even though she didn't talk much. She was articulate. Makes me realize how much of her other behavior just MAY be influenced by being around the hubby all the time.
"No offense but I'm not taking relationship advice from you." made me nose snort. Snap!!
This has been bothering me from the beginning: who does Alex remind me of?
Clutch Cargo.
If you're not old enough to remember, focus on the mouth:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mo_gYhATNNM/R5wHa2842UI/AAAAAAAAAE4/f3DFbtXerSk/s400/clutchcargo.jpeg
Alex didn't say a word for the first 31 minutes of the show but did very well for herself when chiming in. In her silence, she probably came off better than any of the others.
I wonder if Kelly will be back. She'd be an idiot to subject herself to another season. So I guess I just answered my own question: She'll be back.
OMG. There are no need for words, the still pics of Kelly say it all!!!!!
Loved it!!! The thing that bothered me most was that they let poor Jill show her spanx over and over-production should have been on that...
Freckled K told me I'm Bethenny. Oh no. Please. If I'm Bethenny, please someone slap me. I thought she was acting like a brat most of the season, talking behind everyone's back and having a tantrum at Jill's Charity Event was wholly inappropriate. The only one who called her out was Kelly (who I can't stand either) and Alex who probably is the classiest one on this show. Think about it. Alex never says anything bad about anyone. She's got grace nailed down.
So happy to see Luann be a human for once. I do believe that she doesn't know she's being condescending, because her surprised reaction looked genuine.
I think Ramona has got some bad hits of acid in her life. She's a mess.
Loved the jew-fro comment!
Kelly: We're exactly the same. You're a brunette and I'm a blonde.
Add this to the fact the Kelly is NOT a blonde and my IQ dropped a hundred points by listening to her, I honestly asked my boyfriend to punch me in the eye socket.
We both died when Bethenney did her impression of Kelly during their "talks". She should host SNL just once.
Another 'amen' to comment #1! Never would have thought I'd come away from the reunion show rooting for Team Rose Colored Glasses. Everyone else sank lower and lower in my eyes, save Alex, who pretty much solidified for me that she is the only truly decent and sane one.
I too love Jill Zarin and decided that when Kelly talked I would just think about Jill's earrings that she was wearing (which were beyond divine). Kelly obviously has issues with women, I don't think she understands what being a "girl's girl" is. And if she said "interesting" or "awesome" one more time I was gonna puke. She tries to use big words (that she doesn't understand) to make herself feel smarter. Hon, you are dumb and have gotten by on your looks your whole life, own it.
Ramoner needs serious therapy/meds.
I'm with you on NYC Prep - my ass will be glued to the sofa for that one!
You know, I really think Kelly saying she sees the world through "rose colored glasses" is total bullshit. She sees the world through "kelly colored glasses." She has what I like to call "Red Carpet Syndrome" combined with the "Its my birthday syndrome." These people, who were usually born gorgeous, think of them selves as the star of their lives. The red carpet has always been rolled out for them and they have no problem stepping right onto it. Kelly also thinks every day is her birthday, IE every single moment of her live, and time she goes to a party, she makes herself the center of attention as if it were her birthday.
She is torture.
Velvet is the Bethenny and I am the Jill (only without the awesome mom and with better home decorating choices).
It's My Birthday Syndrome. Anon 8:31, I think I'm in love with you. That is the very best way EVER to describe Kelly. She thinks everyone is in her orbit.
Team Kelly--I just don't understand. I respect your opinion, but I don't understand.
"I like the world I live in" (all by myself, in Kelly World.)
That said it all to me.
Ann
I wouldn't identify as "Team Kelly," but taking a shower this morning, I tried to remember the last time a bunch of ladies jangled my nerves....and I realized it was the OC Reunion.
I thought Lynne was harmless and sweet. Clueless, but not at anyone's expense. For a season, Tamra and Vicki mocked her terribly.
I feel similarly with Kelly and as I took my shower, I realized, Kelly could have been Mother Theresa, or anyone...it's the "Mama dogs" who feel "ownership" and when someone new joins the cast, they haze the new girl.
Shades of accusing Gretchen of being inauthentic OFF the show were thrown at Kelly last night, yet only Ramona mentioned the Countess was living a lie and they all knew it.
Think for a second---had the original cast been Kelly instead of Bethenny and Bethenny joined season two, do you think her act would fly?
I don't think Kelly would have been in Season 2 had she ben in Season 1, with or without Bethenny. The problem isn't Kelly vs. anyone else, it's Kelly. For whatever reason, she feels the need to live in her own world of reality which doesn't make her a good member of a group and, as Alex so brilliantly pointed out, she's inarticulate, (to put it mildly), which makes it difficult to again, be part of a group.
Ann
Sorry to follow up, but NONE of these girls are "team" players, hence Zill Zarin shreiking, "It's my day," LuAnn at the cancer society, "It's my day," Bethenny with the retouching cover, "LuAnn ruined my day," Ramona and the tennis match, "Simon ruined my event."
True, I can't understand a word Kelly is trying to say, but in the end, wasn't the reunion really the right hand couch telling Kelly, "WE are up here and you are on another planet?"
I love the original bunch, they didn't improve the show with psycho Kelly. She was just a distraction and didn't really want to join the 'group'. She never seemed to get the premise of the show and had never seen it before joining (?), which is another bizarre aspect of her. She can't answer a straight question coherently and talks in circles and thinks she makes total sense while everyone else looks at her stunned. I don't know what she thought they all got together for; she couldn't even grasp the point of the reunion show.
I love Team Jill with Bethenny, the Countess and Alex. Ramoner is wacky enough and provides enough off the wall stuff for the group. Her googly eyes just adds to her crazy.
They'll probably bring Kelly back anyway because they get so much mail about her. The other ladies have her figured out and don't want to put up with her shit but will be forced to. With her insincere 'hiiiieeees' that only dogs can hear and her convoluted thought process they'll roll their eyes and have to ignore her psychosis.
Kelly, here's a nice big word you should try to use, mainly when talking about your favorite subject (you): NARCISSIST.
Re: the show's ending..? When did Gloria become a saint? Any viewers from season one recall when Gloria went dress shopping with Jill and there was tension because Gloria "can be" very vocal and opinionated? Jill was on edge the whole visit and seemed to think her mom was closer with her sister in CT?
This season, she pops in and gives Bethenny some much-needed advice and we end a two hour fight-festival with a tip of the hat to Saint Gloria?
I know Jill got Gloria the advice column in the NY Daily News & on her blog, she posted: Contact Andy and have him bring my mom on the Reunion...
Actually, now that I think of it, she may have handled the crazy fights better than Andy and his Excedrin headache, but does anyone else remember Jill's mom, season 1?
Jane - that was totally what I was thinking, "When did Gloria become a saint?"
Anon 10:32 - You're right, Lynne was harmless and sweet, but Kelly is not harmless and sweet. She's mean and rude.
Michelle - Ramona IS such an instigator...it seems that most words out of her mouth are a dig at someone else.
Loved the 2 part reunion. Hope Kelly doesn't come back though. She's out of place.