Punching, and violence

My husband walked in the door from work the other night and said, apropos of nothing, "if you could punch anyone in the world without suffering any repercussions, who would it be?" It was the topic of discussion on the radio on his drive home. He had his answer and wanted to know mine.

Before I tell you my answer, I will preface with these two thoughts.

1. This is a total guy question. I have no interest in punching anyone. Not only would it hurt my fist, but I would do absolutely no damage, which would be embarrassing.

2. This may surprise you, but I really don't hate anyone enough to punch him or her. In fact, I like most everyone. There are exceptions of course, but very few.

Because my husband will answer such questions as "if you were gay, which celeb would you want to sleep with?" (George Clooney), I decided to skip the 2 thoughts outlined above and answer him.

Rachael Ray. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone who reads this blog with any sort of regularity. I've threatened her with a lawsuit. I've practically put a bounty on her head. I could punch her, if I so desired. She's asking to be punched, don't you think?

My husband was shocked: "But she's done nothing to you!" He went on and on about it, for approximately 2 minutes. He demanded a person I knew in real life. I couldn't think of anyone. I asked him whom he would punch, and he named this guy who played on his soccer team in college 14 years ago. Then in his celeb category, he picked Brett Favre. Don't ask; there are many reasons, most having to do with Favre shit-talking the Broncos many years ago. My man knows how to hold a grudge.

Whom would you punch? No need to preface with your distaste of violence because I've already covered that.

Celebrity or not. Purely hypothetical. Answers please.

Another picture of haggard Pam

. . . because someone has to do it. Poor thing is one bar fight (and subsequent lawsuit) away from being that slutty girl I knew in high school who now strips at the place by the airport.

Godspeed, Pam.

Getting the Recognition I Deserve!

What's hot now? ME, bitches! Elle Decor has FINALLY recognized that I am a bona fide design blogger.* Why else would I receive this Professional Discount Offer?

. . . because I am a professional design blogger! It's non-transferable, okay? That means that regular old bloggers, dumbshits who write about celebrities and reality tv, cannot get this special rate.** Do you think I can qualify for a trade discount based on this? Oh my God! I'm headed to the Denver Design Center tomorrow to find out.

Thank you, Margaret Russell! You won't regret it! ***

_________________

*Believe it or not, a popular design blogger has questioned my status.

**Don't burst my bubble by telling me that your dog or your dentist's office has received this same offer. And for the love of God, please don't rat me out by telling Elle Decor that I don't speak of design on this blog.

***For those who don't understand this post, it's kind of a joke between the design freaks and me. I love love love design blogs and design bloggers make up a chunk of my readership. Perhaps because of this, I have somehow been categorized by the blog world as a design blogger. BUT I NEVER WRITE ABOUT DESIGN AND IN FACT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT! Ha ha, get it? Joke's on Elle Decor!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Congratulations to my husband, the winner of the Real Housewives of Orange County Recap Contest! He was the only one who submitted an entry before the deadline, which was admittedly very tight. His entry was verbal and went something like this:

Tamra's husband is so cheesy. He got her a $40k Rolex. And he bought a yacht with his partner. He must own that dealership. Do you know how he gave her the Rolex? Is there a lingerie line called Juicy or something? Are you sure? Because he said that the Juicy panties would fit in this little box and then she opened it and it was the Rolex. And do you know what Tamra said? She said that Simon is the horniest guy she's ever met and that he can't sell cars without having sex, SO THEY HAVE SEX EVERY DAY.

Then he looked at me pointedly. That's it. He only watched 10 minutes and turned it into a ploy for more sex, which is against the contest rules. He is therefore disqualified.

The new winner is Katiedid! She had the most complete recap, which was submitted via the comments:

Tamra DID get a 40K Rolex to replace her 30K Rolex, but only after her hubby felt her up in front of all of the party guests. Payback. Vicki looked like she was choking on the ice cube from her champagne (I know...ice in your champagne is sooo klassy!) after she realized SHE did not even have a rolex. (BTW she may be trading her hubby in for a yunger model who will shower her with rolexes...stay tuned!)
Laurie has hired a psychotherapist to whip her errant druggy son into shape so he won't ruin her wedding. The therapist has, what, two days to "fix" him? Good luck! If the therapist can do it, she should take a whack at Brittany!
Then there is poor Quinn. I did not realize what a devout born-again Christian she is. She is very worried about saving the soul of her non-Christian boyfriend Billy, but has decided it can wait until after her sex-romp weekend in Vegas.

Next week: Lauri's wedding!

I especially loved the part about Vicki's ice cube and Lauri's son being magically fixed before the wedding. Oh, and the walking contradiction that is Quinn. Thank you, Katie! Please email me with your address and shirt size: scentedglossymagazines@gmail.com

Honorable mentions go to Habitually Chic, who has realized that it takes a bit of masochist to watch this show; Brilliant Asylum, who pointed out the essence of Tamra (money over manners); and Kids Got Hitched for her general enthusiasm about the show and her observation that Quinn is a snoozefest.

My next event will a be caption contest for this picture:

Just kidding. But you know that horse is thinking something.

Tiara photo courtesy of damselfly58

More than you ever wanted to know

...about the Real Housewives of Orange County.

1. If you are unfamiliar with the show and are home right now, drop everything. Bravo is airing a marathon.

2. I MUST meet the people who wrote the Wikipedia entry for RHOC. I thought I was an expert on RHOC--no way. I am not even in the same ballpark as these people. Scroll to the bottom of the entry. There is a treasure trove of information waiting for you. If you can stomach it.

3. Vicki, Lauri and Jeana have an online store* featuring this lovely shirt:

and I must buy it. So . . .

4. I am announcing a contest.

Here's the deal: I won't be home during tonight's episode and I don't have TiVo, so I need someone to give me a recap. Watch it, summarize it as you see fit, and then email it to me at scentedglossymagazines@gmail.com. Submission deadline is tonight at midnight (mountain time) because I won't be able to sleep without knowing what happened. I will post the winning recap/commentary and send you one of those shirts, straight from the OC with love. Implants are not included.

*They sell Arbonne on their website too. Fucking Arbonne! My neighbor sells that out of her house.