Because we do NOT shy away from controversy
Wednesday, June 22, 2011 Please welcome one of my favorite people to the blog, my friend Edie, aka Mommy E (her street name). You may remember her from the blogs I Could Kill Her and Miss In Your Business--RIP to them both, as they have passed on to internet heaven. Edie and I share many interests, including frozen Milky Ways, Marky Mark, and now the Real Housewives of New Jersey. This is her position statement on Caroline Manzo. Read it, consider it, and then LET'S GET IT ON in the comments.
Caroline Manzo is a bad mother – there…I said it!
I have this theory about women who constantly find subtle and not so subtle ways to let people know that they are amazing mothers: these women are always TERRIBLE MOTHERS!!
Example: Pamela Anderson – in almost every interview, Pam redundantly describes what a “normal mother” she is and how she’s so busy bringing orange slices to her kids’ soccer games, she hardly has any time to notice the various magazine articles describing her as a skank, ho, etc. Pam makes a huge point of telling everyone who will listen that she’s this amazing mom. That mommyhood is all that matters. That her boys come first. That her kitchen is stocked with organic, gluten-free, soy popsicles. That she’s turning down Oscar-potential gig after gig in order to be there for parent-teacher conferences, “volunteer work” at the school, and carpool.
And I totally start buying into it.
And then I see this
And then I snap the hell out of it.
I feel the same way about Caroline Manzo. She’s a blowhard mom. Caroline spends all her on-air time trying to convince us viewers that she’s such an amazing mother. That it’s all about “the children.”
Yeah, not so much says this Jew.
Caroline perfectly exemplifies my theory. A few examples:
The “cozy Sunday family cooking episode”: Was I the only watching who thought to myself “this woman HATES black people!” The obvious animosity/superiority/judgment she displayed while discussing their “experiment” with very unusual food such as fried chicken.
Can you imagine the show that would go down if her (not very) precious Lauren brought a black man home? It would be like Jungle Fever II! And selfishly, that is some shit I’d like to see on the television. Come on Lauren, do us all a favor and bring home some flavor.
And speaking of Lauren: let’s just hope that the girl doesn’t end up on the pole in five years because clearly her momma loves her brothers a hell of a lot more than she loves her.
The borderline inappropriate love of son Albie? Um, I’m sure Albie is a great guy and everything but come on…creepy. And the fact that they’re not disclosing why he got kicked out of law school…it makes me feel like how I feel when I read a young person’s obituary: I firmly believe that if you want an obituary of a young person printed in the newspaper, you should be required to disclose the cause of death. How dare you leave me wondering!
Obviously Caroline got a chance to see what an angry, violent, bully we all saw her to be last season so this season she’s trying to be all “I’m not getting involved…this is not my battle…take it out of my house ladies” (yeah, not your house…your husband’s catering building)
Oh Puleassse…. We know you Caroline. Stop frontin’ and trying to appear like some educated, well-respected, fancy lady.
You’re ghetto and you know it. But not the good kind of ghetto.
Sincerely,
Mommy E
Reader Comments (29)
OMG I like frozen Milky Ways too!!!!! and now I want one
Love your position statement on Caroline, sometimes she can be a little mean, supportive of her family but a bit mean and maybe scary I always thought that her and Danielle in a boxing ring smacking the crap outta each other would be interesting.
Pam Anderson is a mess isn't she?
I completely agree. I don't get all the Caroline ass-kissers on the boards. Caroline is arrogant and a complete bitch. None of those women have any class at all. Including Caroline. I can't stop watching because I can't believe people from my culture would let themselves be seen as so ignorant . But then again, if they weren't ignorant, there wouldn't be a show, now, would there.
Love it and totally agree. It is okay for her kids to own a strip club but bad for Danielle to be a stripper? Her opinion and behavior is horrendous and I can't believe she doesn't see any of it. A woman comes to you and basically tells you she was trying to straighten out a family problem and you say I don't care, then why meet with her in the first place, you rude b*tch. Not to put anybody down but the family business is a catering business not some world saving company, get over yourself. I am happy your husband works hard and pays his bills but you would think they were supplying cancer curing drugs to listen to her.
I'm definitely not a Caroline Ass kisser. I think Caroline has some series psycho mama bear tendencies. I don't think her kids will ever truly be able to fend for themselves in the real world because she has has done everything for them including fight their battles. However, do I think she's Danielle Staub bad mom, nah. I think the things Danielle dragged her daughters in was reprehensible. I think Jacqueline's daughter couldn't possibly be any more spoiled and the most difficult part of her days is getting to her manicure on time and trying to manipulate her step dad into buying her cars.
Bottom line, Not sure any of the parents are going to win mom of the year, and yeah, Caroline thinks pretty highly of herself. I get it.
ps. Has anyone checked out Jay Mohr's blog on bravotv.com? Pants wetting!!
Thanks for alerting me to Joy's blog posts---I am STILL laughing!
If Edie starts a religion, I want to be the Pope of it.
Sincerely,
Harvey Millstein, CID
PS: Edie, do you have Albie's email address?
Sincerely,
Harvey Millstein, CID
The only reason anyone thinks Caroline is so great is because she's on a show with complete lunatics. Who wouldn't look like a good mom compared to Danielle and that banshee Teresa? If Caroline was at all sincere, she'd be off that show like Dina.
Jay's recaps are indeed muy excellente.
What a LOUSY advice-giver Caroline is too. "Your family--Fix it!!" Really? Like all of human misery could have been avoided had we only followed that sage guidance--"fix it"?
Also! You know who is shaping up to be another blow-hard, self-congratulating, "I'm all about my kids" mom? Kathy, Teresa's cousin.
So, we're all pretty much on the same page here. INTERESTING.
I like Caroline....and hope that Mommy E isn't a regular here.
I love that bitch (The E, not Caroline).
I don't think it's that clear cut that Caroline is the bitch to hate on Jersey Housewives. Out of all of that crew, she's the most respected. Of course that's not saying much when you consider who's there.
Anyway, it's Bravo, need I say more?
Frankly, I think Mommy E's blog is total bullshit. To accuse her of being a racist based on her comments about fried chicken is extremely reckless and irresponsible. First of all, I inferred no racist tendencies from that conversation...I actually saw it as slams against Southerners. Of course, I will probably be accused of being a racist for not agreeing with Mommy E, but that's fine. I don't mind being accused of being something I'm not by someone who is clearly an idiot. I'm not even going to touch on the speculation of what would happen if Lauren brought home a black man as a boyfriend, because that's all they are...speculation.
As far as the Caroline-worship-of-Albie goes, I've seen a lot of attention paid by Caroline towards all of her kids. I'm sure Bravo showcases Albie scenes a lot more, as he is the designated "hottie" by all of the Midwestern hausfraus who watch Bravo in order to be considered "hip". But you go right ahead with your need to point out imaginary quasi-incestuous tendencies.
I enjoy Caroline because she is the only Housewife that is shown wearing sweats and t-shirts around the house, though I do think she is a live-action version of Fat Tony from The Simpsons.
I've never read a Pam Anderson interview where she extolls her orange-slice virtues, but then, I've made it a point to never read a Pam Anderson interview.
Personally, I like Carolyn. I think she has more common sense than anyone else on that show. Her kids appear to be normal, well adjusted and happy.
I have 8 brothers and sisters. I am the sibling who seems to always be called upon to handle disputes (we are all adults with families of our own, mind you). There have been many times when I have said to one sibling or another- "just grow up and get over it". As my father always said: You don't have to like your brothers and sisters, but you have to always love them."
Caroline is provincial and arrogant. Whether she was showing her ignorance of Southerners or of any other group, she's clearly insulated herself from the rest of the world. Her life is closed-off. And yeah, she is too enmeshed in her sons' lives, and too uninterested in her daughter's.
Caroline doesnt bother me. I dislike her always being a hard ass and giving advice to everyone. Including people who dont ask for it. Getting into Teresa family fued to give advice when shes fueding with her own family? whatever bitch.
As for her mother role. I think she is a typical stay at home mom. Most moms go back to work once kids are fending for themselves. This is who they turn into if they dont. lol
Bravo showcases Albie scenes a lot more, as he is the designated "hottie" by all of the Midwestern hausfraus
Oh Toledo, don't worry. I'm sure you have your own, uh, charms. Maybe you're good at math?
Even though ALL racists are ignorant, that doesn't necessarily mean an ignoramus is a racist.
I can think of a 475,957,352 reasons why Caroline Manzo is a douche bag before digging into the un-ringable bell of calling her a bigot/racist/ant-semite. She gives stay at home mothers a bad name, enjoys being a big fish in a little pond, and didn't have the good sense to encourage her learning disabled son to play to his strengths. You can live in a big city, and still be a small town moron. Happens alllllll the time.
And I'm not that worried about Lauren.
You can live in a big city, and still be a small town moron.
Franklin Lakes is a big city?
Was it necessary to make a personal comment towards me, anon? I called Mommy E's blog bullshit, because I disagreed with that one blog. She's well-spoken, and I quite possibly agree with her on other issues. I didn't call her an idiot or make any slights against her as a person. You made a condescending, trashy attack against me as a person because you disliked my comment . Grow up. And for the record, I'm freaking adorable.
It's a turn of phrase. Living in a suburb where the average house costs close to 1MM and mid-town Manhattan is less than 25 miles away means the nitwits on this shit-show clearly consider themselves worldly, savvy, and sophisticated. Sadly, that's how they think. Having lived in Manhattan I knew a LOT of people who--living both in Manhattan and it's immediate suburbs--considered themselves pretty special in one way or another just because of the geography, i.e. Big City. Having a Small Town mindset, or what have you, refers to mind-numbing ignorance--like the kind we see from most of the Housewives in the entire franchise, and specifically Caroline Manzo.
Thinking a buttermilk biscuit is foreign cuisine is Small Town.
So here's the scoop on Albie...
ABA accredited schools provide 3 ways to flunk out:
1. Getting one 'F'
2. Getting 2 'D's
3. Letting your cumulative GPA dip below a 2.0
Albie is #3 -- in that episode on season 1, Albie explains to Caroline that he got a D+ and has a learning disability (boo fucking hoo), and that his GPA dropped to a 1.98 or something. There's usually an appeal process if they try to boot you out of school, and you need to show clear and convincing evidence that you can fix the problem. "I have a learning disability" doesn't cut it. At my school, a death in the family, a cancer diagnosis, or some sort of extraordinary circumstance gets you back in, at which point you're on double secret probation.
My dude bro classmate got kicked out of our fine educational establishment, Albie-style, and I now know the whole process like the back of my hand. He got Albied, but doesn't live in a kickass loft in Hoboken or own a strip club. He works for daddy's company and is considering business school.
"He got Albied." I love that.
(also "double secret probation")