The Moral Obligations of Facebook (aka the deepest post you will ever read on this blog)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011 
Has anyone experienced the vaguely suicidal status update on facebook? I recently saw one very late at night and to be honest, it wasn't all that vague. I would repeat it here, but it's kind of specific and I don't want to add to her problems by telling everyone that I think she's a nutjob. And I only say she's a nutjob because the next day, she followed up said update with "LOL! Sorry if I scared anyone, just had to vent."
REALLY?
I haven't seen or spoken to this person in 20 years, and even then, we were casual acquaintances at best. I had no idea whether she was kidding, drunk, completely serious or some sort of combination. I don't even know where she lives. But I swear, that night, Kitty Genovese and this story were running around in my head. I had no idea what to do.
I know two people who have witnessed this sort of post. Have you and if so, what did you do? If not, then what would you do, and what factors would play into your decision?
Yes, I know you want to discuss RHOC and Tamra's possible nomination for an AVN award (category: Best 42 year old Drunken Bathtub Sex), so go ahead and do that too.
Reader Comments (39)
I assume she was sitting at the screen, waiting for everyone to respond to her message. Definite nutjob behavior. She doesn't live in Atlanta, does she? Or Miami, perhaps?
That's the thing, it was 1am where (I'm guessing) she lives. No one up and I felt even more responsible. Not from Atlanta or Miami, but reading the story she posted, she would make an excellent Real Housewife.
Seriously, SGM, nutjob or not - I hope you reached out to her.
Who knew you were such a late night creeper on FB? ME TOO! I have witnessed such posts on FB and am (kinda) ashamed that I don't do anything. However, inside my head I am totally coming to the rescue and trying to figure out just what to say so I can be the hero.
Hi, I just started reading your blog but I think that anytime someone talks about ending their life it is a serious matter. While you may not be in the person's life perhaps you know someone who is and you can share you concern with that other person. This may be a cry for help or it may be something entirely different but either way this person needs medical attention for their mental health. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I think if it was totally out of character for the person i would try to chat with them for a minute to gauge the seriousness of the situation. I have relatives.. (in-laws) who talk shit on facebook but never say who they are directing it too. Its so stupid. I stopped reading all newsfeeds from them. Things like. " i love how some people think they are so much better than i am!" "im happy and so are my kids so mind your own business" followed up with " i hate my life" They get 50 responses from people trying to find out who they are talking about. Its clearly all for attention and drama. I call them the DRAMA LLAMAS!
Not sure what i would do if I felt someone was seriously considering harming themself. Gauging their reaction in a message or asking if they would like to chat on the phone for a minute. Difficult situation for sure.
SCREW OC AND MIAMI! Did you see Elsa on WWHL? If not, drop what your doing and skip over to bravo, watch the videos. You wont regrett it. I'm in love with Elsa and im not even gay! I say cancel Miami and DC and bring on a full hour of Elsa. She pronounces Andy "DANDY"
I actually recently ended a lifelong friendship over this very thing. My best friend since 7th grade started posting her entire very sad and fucked up life on her wall everyday and ALL DAY. Always poor me, always a new disease or ailment (hypochondriac) always very vague and cryptic on the details...Essentially a 24/7 cry for help, attention getting nightmare. She wrote me a two page email about me not being a friend because I never commented on her wall or as I put it, participated in her "online pity-party." Apparently it wasn't enough for me to call or inquire outside of the "wall." I think of course you should do something if you fear someones life in danger but I think too that attention whores need to get a grip and/or don't drunk and facebook. Grow up and get a life.
I actually recently ended a lifelong friendship over this very thing. My best friend since 7th grade started posting her entire very sad and fucked up life on her wall everyday and ALL DAY. Always poor me, always a new disease or ailment (hypochondriac) always very vague and cryptic on the details...Essentially a 24/7 cry for help, attention getting nightmare. She wrote me a two page email about me not being a friend because I never commented on her wall or as I put it, participated in her "online pity-party." Apparently it wasn't enough for me to call or inquire outside of the "wall." I think of course you should do something if you fear someones life in danger but I think too that attention whores need to get a grip and/or don't drunk and facebook. Grow up and get a life.
Sometimes the people posting the threats on Facebook go ahead and DO IT.
I don't think a quick "are you OK?" instant message could hurt. I've lost two old friends to suicide, and I wish like hell they'd posted something before taking their lives so that there might have been a chance to help them.
Now I have to return to scrubbing my eyeballs with bleach to try and remove the image of Tamra boning another Ed Hardy addict in her tub. Yeesh.
Feel free to delete my repetitive ranting :) K-BYE!!!!
Predicament 1A:
The person who is making the threat is Vicki Gunvalson.
I've had the EXACT same experience as Jen. I'm so tired of adults acting like junior high kids on FB. It's ridiculous. I tried to help a friend once who was doing that and it was not appreciated to say the least. :) .
And I am always plagued by thoughts of how many times I have seen/read/heard something that truly required a response from me and I didn't do it. I always think NEXT winter I will stop and give my gloves and scarf to the old lady carrying groceries walking home in the snow (I can't give her a ride b/c I've got my seats full of car seats and whining children), next time I will say something to the horrible mother yelling at her child in Walmart...next time. Any way, thanks for bringing us all down SGM. :)
Fortunately I haven't ever seen a post that overtly threatened suicide, but I've seen plenty that endlessly complain about...everything! Ev-er-y-thing that is wrong. Ultimately I block that person. Is that cold? Maybe, but these are also people who I don't really know and whose request I accepted way back before I really got how FB worked. These people post shit ("vent"...what an overused term) a dozen times a day. Enough already. Now I don't accept a lot of friendship request from people that I don't actually know--I like to keep FB clean. And light...and funny. If I ever DID see a clearly suicidal post I'd try to contact a mutual friend, hopefully someone physically and emotionally close to that person, or even call the police. Extreme to alert the police? Yes, of course. But threatening to taking one's life is extreme. End of story.
Agreed and agreed with Sally and Brassy. My first initial go round with FB I was all excited and accepting EVERYONE and their mother. Then I realized I never liked these people back in the day and STILL don't. I did a MAJOR clean-out and now reserve my FB for the real deal. No apologies, no nuthin' It's my FB and I'll de-friend if I want to. I have really low tolerance for the whiney and pathetic. Life's to fucking short. Enjoy the ups, the downs, the boring, the crazy. It's an adventure not a scripted movie.
I also have a pet peeve about the wendy whiners on facebook. It's not the place to air your dirty laundry.....your marital problems, your CONSTANT health problems (the occasional "my kid just barfed" is acceptable but we dont need to know each and every time). I watched an acquaintance (lets be real, 50% of them arent that good of friends) rip her husband a new one on facebook b/c she caught him cheating. She wrote some of the worst shit about him for all of us to see (although I pretended not too) and of course she ends up taking him back, yet I know more details about his girlfriend, where they fucked than I need to. One other pet peeve is the vaugebooker. They are crying out for help and people try "whats wrong?" "what happened?" and they just give vague responses that keep us dangling and coming back for more.
Gotta go check my facebook......
Oh my gawd! Boo put an idea in my head that I just can't shake: Jon Gosselin showing up in the OC and fame-humping Slade-Smiley-Style.
Apparently he's cleaned up his act, and retired his bedazzled man-jeans and tres chic trucker hats, but he's a fame-whore at heart. What are the odds? Will it happen at all? I just don't know, but it's some gnarly brain candy, isn't it?
When I accept a friend on Facebook, like an old classmate, if thy start all that crap about," I just woke up, what a beautiful day, gotta get groceries", all their mundane crap yeah I shut them off !! Is that rude?
Wow-reading through some of these comments is starting to sound like reading through people's whiny status updates. Here's my three cents:
1. If you find someone's status updates annoying/pathetic, unfriend them or block them from your news feed.
2. If you yourself are not constantly on FB then you won't have to constantly read every single person's minute by minute play by play of their life.
3. Most importantly I'm with Brassy and Boo, suicide is a serious issue, if you have a concern (even mild) then I would contact someone (the person with the post, mutual friend, police, etc.) Imagine if you didn't and it was real...Better to feel unappreciated once or twice than to always wonder if the person would have lived if you had done something.
Burrrrn, anon!
The point of this post was this: Pre-facebook, if someone had said to me, "Hey remember so-and-so? She's struggling with depression," I wouldn't have even thought to contact her, never in a million years, and she would have never in a million years expected me to contact her.
With facebook, I was feeling personally responsible for her health, whether I reached out or not. This is for someone that I don't even know, someone that I maybe spoke 5 sentences to as a teenager. This is a huge shift to me, and I think it's interesting/troublesome. Is it good to be that connected?
Dear anon,
1. If you find someone's status updates annoying/pathetic, unfriend them or block them from your news feed.
* But wait-If I block or un-friend them won't they notice and thus potentially send them further into depression and unhappiness?
2. If you yourself are not constantly on FB then you won't have to constantly read every single person's minute by minute play by play of their life.
* If I'm NOT constantly on FB how then how can I monitor them and then intervene when possible suicide is occurring?
3. Most importantly I'm with Brassy and Boo, suicide is a serious issue, if you have a concern (even mild) then I would contact someone (the person with the post, mutual friend, police, etc.) Imagine if you didn't and it was real...Better to feel unappreciated once or twice than to always wonder if the person would have lived if you had done something.
* Wow. Will the police really respond to a FB posting of suicide? Should that be a 911 call or direct to the station? You know how busted you get when you call 911 for a non-911 thing.
So many questions!!!!
I have been through this and I de-friended. Simple as that.
I don't do "woe is me" status updates. If you do them often, you get de-friended (it's obviously true when people are BEYOND dramatic).
Same rules apply for frequent Bible verse quoters. If John 3:16 has anything to do with the jog you had this morning, I don't want to know about it.
I have had serious issues with depression and you know what, I handle that sh*t! I do my best to take care of my business appropriately. Facebook is not a crisis line. I would have to say that most people on one's facebook friends list are not equipped to deal with someone threatening to take their life. Yes, if that happens, the person's close friends and family should check in on them. However, my advice, SGM, make sure she's still alive, then quietly press that defriend button. I just don't think you need that responsibility.
"Facebook is not a crisis line." I think that's the bottom line.
At what age will Tamara's children see the footage of her and "Not Simon's Best Friend" in the bath tub and immediately start posting suicide threats on Facebook?