I can't get it up
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 and I need your help. I hate everyone on Real Housewives. Everyone. Well, except Albie and Jacqueline's baby. I think it's the Teresa thing that threw me over the edge. "A huge THANK YOU to all my fans for all your love and support. Joe & I are just fine and will continue to be. ♥♥♥from our house to yours! xx" she tweets.
Of course she's fine! She just unloaded all of her debt onto us! We are paying for her purple sleeveless fur coat and Gia's atv and Melania's ADHD meds (just a guess) and the eight month old baby's high heels!
We're paying for those fake flowers too. ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS worth of debt, you guys! And most of it's going to be completely wiped out. I would feel fucking ecstatic if I were her.
Furthermore, I cannot get the image of Jason waxing Bethenny's belly out of my brain. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and it was on repeat in my head. BARF. I do not want to see Jill's crocodile tears on the reunion, nor do I want to see Kelly blame her congenital stupidness on "systematic bullying." How much do you want to bet that Andy Cohen will ask about satchels of gold and she will give a completely irrelevant or otherwise unintelligible answer?
And now Danielle has apparently leaked her own sex tape. Not even gonna link to it. It's just sad. Watching her on RHONJ is like watching Intervention, without the intervention. She's destroying her life, and those of her children, right in front of us.
Are you over it as much as I am? Am I overreacting because my period is due today? Please discuss while I go make sweet, sweet love to a donut and try to give a crap about the reunion tonight.
photo from here, via chateau de lu.
Reader Comments (44)
I must watch the reunion for closhah from this whole debacle. I am sick of the nastiness of JIll, and the constant condescension from LuMann, and there are no words for Kelley that haven't already been said. The others are neither here nor there...
Honestly, the stories been played. Period. The show is over.
I might catch Bethenny from time to time...like when it's on at two in the afternoon and my three year-old is napping and I really don't feel like vacuuming. The juxtaposition (that's right! big word!) of her against the others was what worked. There is no way I can stomach an HOUR (!) of her sound bites. And I know I'll start to feel bad for her assistants in the same way I feel bad for Kelley and Danielle's kids. Let's face it: ANYONE who is on a reality show is a little strange, to say the least. I will watch Jeff Lewis fa evah, Top Chef (not crazy about the Masters, but I get that Padma needed her maternity leave) and I caught a left-over from the new art show and it was pretty good. I thank you Bravo for bringing the Novagratz family to my attention - I hope for their sake that this was a one time thing and they go back to living the coolest family life EVER. Privately. (Please Bob and Cortney, please!). To the slightly sane women on these shows: what are you doing contaminating your lives and those of your children with this shit that has gotten TOTALLY out of control?! And spare me the old Kate Gosselin "I gotta make a living" argument...Caroline, I'm talking to you and your crew.
I hate to even dignify NJ with an acknowledgment. But here goes...I caught the second half of the Brownstone for a second time the other night. I hollered for my husband, begged him to give 20 minutes to the TV and gave him a 5 minute recap. He's seen NYC's recently (horrified!!), but other than that he's in the dark. He watched. Genuinely scared: "Hell's Angles! Those guys are worse than the mob!", "Is that goombah going to hurt that kid?!? Tell me! Right now! Does. He. Have. A. KNIFE!?!". We laughed hysterically when I told him that no, he doesn't have a knife and that Danielle's ape decided against physical violence because he's "only got six days left on his parole." My husband reaction hammered home that this has gone to far. I was done. THEN the bankruptcy and sex tape hit. Thank you ladies (and that's sarcasm BTW) for making it SO much easier to fully divorce myself from you. The modicum of self-control that I have, and was going to use avoiding you all at 10 p.m. on any given night, can now be used to avoid carbs.
Is it just me or has Teresa had something done to her face? Its not the "bubbies" something is different about her face i just cant put my finger on it. WHAT IS IT!?
I'm not over anything, really. Yeah, the arguments are getting tiresome, but this happens at the end of every season, every housewives... I'm going to just buckle up and ride it out.
I just wanted to say I was deliriously happy to see the blog today and acknowledging that Teresa F'ed up in a big, giant way. I was wondering if I was the douche bag cause I didn't think it was cute with the "kiss, kiss, muuuuuh smootch" shit she has been throwing around with the only bankruptcy thing. And people responding to her tweets and blogs that she's still fabulous. It's not like a neighbor who lost their job and it's trying to make ends meet and things just fell apart. You don't wind up 11 mil in the hole overnight. To think back at the nonsense with the shopping sprees, Gucci flatware, putting her new baby in some sort of Vegas headgear after birth.. for real... Shame on you, Teresa. I don't even say that to my 5yr old! You're not going to get any love, love love, xoxox here!
SGM - you have periods? I thought you were a gay man.
jez cuz ya sayin it duzzen make it twoo.
Jill needs to crazsh an buwn tonight and then I will feel bettah about a lot.
Kelly needs to cop to the gumberries. but we know after her PSAhole bullshit that aint gonna happen.
Still slightly fascinated by Alex, Bethenny, Ramoner aliance. Willing to watch and see where Red Sonya ends up in the crazy soup. Is she on tonight or next week or the week after?
NJ can get back to it's Crazy X 10 roots. Love those sauce boys and hopefully Jacqueline's father, Abe Vigoda will visit again. I'm willing to hear more about Caroline's beauty routines, whether or not she also had lap band, and where she and Al are now that Bernie is in federal prison. Also am a teency bit interested in Kim G. replacing Dina. And I for one would like to see more of Gabriella reaction to Gia. can not stand that first/oldest daughter crap. As the Countess would say, who died and made you gawd?
Also sick of Top Chef Masters. talk about divas.....Can NOT wait for JLew and Jenny. gotta say, love you Bravo. plus I havetopee. Gotta go -
Your recaps are always the best and make me cry with laughter- even if we're all "over it"
I've been over the Bachelor, even when friends try to suck me in with free dinner!
All I could think was how does someone who makes 75K a year build that house? He must not be connected, if he owed the mob that he'd be swimmin' wit tha fishes. Their kids are insufferable.
I don't know how a blog could make us sync our cycles, ladies, but I've got 3 Xanax and 2 Dr. Peppers waiting for the DVRed reunion.
Gotta say - I'm loving the NY housewives this season - including Alex. Jill drove me nuts this season - I always loved Bethany until last season and now I love her again. LuAnn - loved her first season and since then she makes me nuts. NJ Housewives is beyond boring and pathetic this season - I'm bored still and Danielle and her paranoid pathetic behavior is making me nuts. i just want to shake her. Loved the reunion tonight and can't wait for Monday for the Kelly bashing as that woman is so dumb.
It's so MF unfair that their $11MM is going to be dumped on my already broke ass and the rest of America. If I'd known it was this easy, I'd be dropping hundies on Louboutins and houses and mother ATVs, too. Is there NO accountability anymore, people?! {I'd like to thank my impending period and two glasses of wine on this rant.}
I'm still very on board with the NY gals, and I'm currently watching the reunion and they seriously need to just allow them to physically fight each other and get it over with. I'm into Bethenney Getting Married? and I like Jason. He is simply nice and sweet and is concerned when needed, and I think he's good for Bethenney. He'll keep her grounded when she gets too out of control and he is very caring.
I haven't even watched a single episode of NJ, and it sounds plain awful with the exception of Caroline and her fantastic family. It made me angry to begin with because I'm from Jersey and m boyfriend lives up in Saddle River right next to Franklin Lakes, and the people up there are not as ridiculous as some of these girls are. It's like we can't win, what with the Jersey Shore nonsense going on, too. (I feel a rant coming on so I'll stop)
Anywayyyy....I'm still all about Bethenney and Ramoner, and Kelly's craziness was amusing for a while, and now it just frightens me.
Okay, I know I'm still a total PMS bitch but $11 mililon dollars???? It's not $10k, or even $100k. Have we become this disaffected by money to realize what this reality nastiness has done? Now she's on the cover of magazines? I think we should start an online campaign to get her kicked-off the show...
God I'm bored.
I didn't even try to watch it! PMS and drama that's not even mine was way too much to handle last night. AND AGAIN THE BF TRIED TO APPEASE ME WITH THAT SHIT CHOCOLATE. "But it's kisses everyone LOVES Hershey's kisses!" NOT THIS PMSING BITCH!
Anyways, the post is saying that Dina is leaving RHONJ because of her husband Tommy. They were on a show My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding! I really think this man is playing for the other team! Tommy isn't happy with the way he was portrayed on the show. I don't want her to leave! She's my favorite cause she's the ONLY FUCKING SANE ONE! I LOVED her dress!
http://www.vh1.com/video/shows/my-big-fat-fabulous-wedding/159332/dina-and-tommys-wedding-casting-tape.jhtml
http://www.vh1.com/video/my-big-fat-fabulous-wedding/full-episodes/my-big-fat-fabulous-wedding-dina-and-tommy/1562895/playlist.jhtml
BTW - Aunt Flo has made her arrival known and I am still FUCKING TWISTED! ;-)
And YOU have a nice day!
Did you see how Kellys face melted and went all innocent when that viewer called her a fly? She loves being the victim. LOVES IT. " and Jill says "Kellys not a fighter" Bitch better learn to bring it. shes ALWAYS starting shit. "dont put words in my mouth... Alex mcCord!" i would have snatched that bitch ball headed. Who gonna check me boo? I would have pulled out my best karate kid and did the crane all OVA that room!
What the hell makes Kelly think its ok to accuse people of AWFUL things on national TV then not be forced to back it up? Bitch say what?? "i brought it up ova and ova but im not going to discuss this BETHANY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" That boat is sinking, instead of jumping off those three nut jobs are riding it to the bottom of the ocean!
I think for the best interests of the people on the show, Bravo should cancel it before someone gets seriously hurt.
Teresa - reading about her bills has finally made something make sense, her kids have blue eyes while she and stumpy both have brown eyes. Someones used a donor!
I fucking love this shit. You know what they say, if you can't beat 'em......join 'em. Looks like that Tiffany, Tag, and Rolex customs sifted through my panties for countless hours was worth it..........BK here I come too bitches, sorry Amex.
I'm done with NJ, Danielle is seriously disturbed and it's scary to watch. I love Caroline, Dina and crew, but that's it. Seeing Teresa and family totally fronting is such a steaming pile of crap. I want no part of it anymore. Bravo take note....
Hey, I apologize if you have posted about this already. I am a librarian and a follower of your blog, and when this came in to the library, I thought of you and couldnt wait to see your comment on it. I checked it out, of course.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1401310354/ref=dp_image_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books