"When you get defensive and make excuses, I will continue to talk about it. Forever."
Wednesday, September 2, 2009 We know, Jeff. Believe me, WE KNOW.
I cannot seem to pull my shit together to write a real recap for this week's episode of Flipping Out, so rather than offer a bunch of EXCUSES, I thought I'd give you some screencaps and hope that you all will be your usual funny and insightful selves in the comments. Sound good? Okay then, let's get it on:
"Zoila, how many times do I have to tell you? Employees are not allowed to drink from the glasses. If you're thirsty, use the dog bowls. Good boy, Jett."
"No, no I'll be fine. I just want to kill myself, that's all."
"Rachel cry. Me sad."
"Well, if you do decide to off yourself, please don't do it at Valley Oak. Or before you go to Nordstrom--I really need that new underwear. Damn, this is a good burrito."
"...and two steps to the left, and that's how you do the Cha-Cha Slide! Wait, does my breath smell? You're looking at me like my breath smells."
"After I changed my name from Kato Kaelin to Chaz, I knew I had to open a hair salon. Hey, isn't that your assistant about to jump off the roof?"
Jeff: "I'm in love with SGM, but I don't know how to tell her."
Ry: "Just email her. I know she will be both gracious and discreet."
Thank you, Ryan; I appreciate that. Like the hat, btw.
Noteworthy moments:
1. Jeff explains to new client Chaz that it's "really ghetto" to have a washer and dryer outside. "Sanford and Son," he adds.
2. Jenni describes Jeff's freak out over Rachel being late and then holing up in the bathroom: "He is obsessing. He thinks she's going number 2, which you are not supposed to do at the house."
3. Jeff, slightly embarrassed, tells Chaz, "I just have to apologize for Rachel's hair right now. Wait till you see her. You're going to be appalled."
4. Jeff agrees to stop hammering on Rachel about being late but he JUST CAN'T HELP himself. He continues to indirectly criticize her until she cries. Then everyone at the table IGNORES it. (with the possible exception of Ryan, who at least tries to change the subject.)
5. Jeff rebukes Ryan for talking too loud about Rachel: "when you talk shit about people, you whisper."
6. Jeff to Zoila: "I don't appreciate you making Rachel cry at lunch today."
7. Jeff LOSES IT when he needs to stop for mints and it will make him late to Skytop. Jenni dubs it a "mint meltdown" and says "it's like an alocholic looking for a shot."
8. Chaz wants photos of some door accessories, and Jenni vivaciously poses with them.
9. Jeff sends Rachel out to buy him some new underwear and gives her old underwear so she knows EXACTLY what to buy. She threatens to sell them on ebay. SOLD!
10. Rachel quits with NO NOTICE Friday as she's leaving for work. "Nothing personal," she says lightly, even though it totally is.
Can we all agree that Rachel had more going on than just a stressful job? I'm guessing it's a cheating boyfriend, or chronic bowel issues, or maybe even her failure to get into massage therapy school. Don't you think she'd be a good masseuse? I do. Good luck to you, Rachel. You weren't the first to quit, and you sure as hell won't be the last.
Your turn. Give it to me.
Reader Comments (20)
I was just so distracted byJeff's puffy pillow lips to really pay attention to anything else.
I don't know what I would do without your recaps, they make my day. Funny shiz! Has Jeff Lewis ever commented to his darling SGM? I think we should make that our mission. :)
Jeff: "Like, maybe, someone had a few too many glasses of wine, and broke one of the glasses?"
Zoila: "Wasn't me Jeffrey"
The love affair continues...
My favorite moment was when Jeff and Zoila are making fun of Rachel for crying in the kitchen, and Zoila is trying so hard not to laugh. Amazing!
I think Rachel resorted to heavy drinking to deal with The Hell of Working for Jeff Lewis. So after being humiliated, belittled, and ridiculed all day, she'd go home, drink herself into a stupor, then roll out of bed the next morning with a killer hangover before stumbling back into work (late).
Seriously, my hat is off to her. Had it been me, I undoubtedly would've offed myself in the bathroom during lunch on the first day (the only time I could count on more than 60 second in there without interruption). And Jenni? Should just be awarded sainthood now.
I love that he blamed Zoila for Rachel's cryfest. Classic!
Was Rachel wiping her eyes with a cloth napkin? I can't believe that would go over well with Jeffy, getting makeup and tears all over them, so I pretty much imagine that it was paper.
Rachel was such a mess! What employer would allow their assistants to work around like that, spend 20 minutes in the bathroom and then not know what the hell is flying all day!
How funny was it when he quizzed her on their schedule for the day and she could not keep that shit straight! She was a disaster.
Btw, Jeff is a psycho, but those glasses WERE all different!
I wish Rachel had had bigger cajones and gone into the bathroom on her last day and taken a full-on shower in Jeffrey's bathroom. I wish she would have sprayed the place with water, body products and toothpaste! Spent time shaving her legs...the whole enchilada. Imagine Jeff standing outside the bathroom door freaking out....now that would have really set off his OCD!
Anyway, I'm sure all Bravo reality tv stars read your blog SGM. I can't imagine that they don't. I'm sure they're just too shy to reach out.
That being said...whatsup with Looting Lynne Curtin? Is she really that desperate? Are the cuffs not selling?
http://www.tmz.com/2009/09/05/evicted-housewife-accused-of-looting/
Not to change the subject, But....
heard thru the NJ grapevine that...
Theresa had another girl.
Danielle's eldest daughter has a big time modeling job/contract.
Danielle will be back.
Jacqueline is pissing off the sister-in-laws again as she is giving Danielle another chance because Danielle has found religion (again)
Oh and Danielle has an even younger boyfriend now.
OK, take this all with a grain of salt as I heard it at the nail salon.
"I will continue to talk about it. Forever."
Translation:
"Because Bravo needs the footage, and I need the Bravo money."
dear scented glossy magazines....
you need to get it together!! ive been reading your website for a few weeks now and I am absolutely addicted!! i need more more more haha your website is amazing, i think i read almost every post thats how hilarious you are - you had my friend and i almost in tears =D
Vlad creeps me out big time, I want him gone asap or I will resort to fast forwarding those parts. Jeff should directly pay him in sleeves, for his shirts. Oh yeah, and I still can't accept that Jeff is not more annoyed by Rachel's voice. Does he hear what we hear?!?!
OK SGM, so I've had terrible laryngitis for the past week and have been communicating via IM and scrawling on paper to my husband. He actually joined me to watch this episode and when Chaz came on I was DYING as many moons ago, when I was a writer in NYC, I was at a press event and he fondled my hair. So I'm writing on paper and holding it up while watching this ep: "That guy once touched my hair! It was really weird and kind of creepy!" (Also, I think this is the only place I could relay this story and not feel crazy.)
About this first Noteworthy Moment; 1. Jeff explains to new client Chaz that it's "really ghetto" to have a washer and dryer outside. "Sanford and Son," Well I guess that applies to me too, cause my washer and dryer IS outside! And I Do live in the hood, so it's all good! FYI two of your links between Zoila and the glasses and Jeff eating his delicious tacos/burrito aren't uploading or maybe it's my ghetto computer!
Keep making me laugh,
Gina
I LOVE your recap -- I DIE!!! Although, my favorite part of last week's show was when Jeff sulked and semi-threatened Zoila because he can't call INS and have her deported now that she's a citizen. Holy God almighty.
I LOVE that my blog is a place for people to relay all of their tv-related stories that would be considered crazy by the general population. I want it to be a safe place for all Bravo fans. Thank you, Rebecca B.
Thanks for the gossip, Preppy Player. If it's from a NJ nail salon, I take it all as gospel.
I too chuckled at the Zoila INS scene. Classic JLew.
Paying Vlad in sleeves--yes, please. Dude is so creepy.
I hope Bravo caught footage of Lynne looting her rental house. Now THAT is ghetto. (and I don't think it's ghetto to have a w&d outside in CA. Is it?)
I cracked up when Rachel started crying because every guy there got that look in their eyes. You know it, it's when men freeze like deer and they're thinking "shit, shit FUCK whatdoIdonow? Hug her, look away, ignore, ohIknow ~ those pants make your butt look GREAT".
Tears and beegers are the the Achilles Heels of all men.
Rachel is a damn disaster, pure and simple. I don't know what Jeff would do without Jenny. And hello, Jeff was JOKING when he blamed Zoila!
your photo captions are better than the actual show. HILARIOUS.
I am LOVING Zoila these days she is getting sassy and just throwing it right back to Jeff, it's really priceless.