"I'm not lonely. I'm not lonely. I like being alone."
Sunday, January 23, 2011 
Ooooooh, Kim. You're a good actress and everything but that's a stretch. If not for the sobbing by yourself in the back of a limo, and your flapping panic when your kids mention leaving home, and oh--the fact that you pick up guys at the grocery store and bring them home, I might be able to believe it. Actually not even then.
Another flawlessly executed Housewives bliztkreig. In the aftermath of a sneak attack and an expertly dropped bomb, Kim--smelling faintly of Love's Baby Soft and box wine--was left in a mangled soggy heap while the others ran off to smile for the camera.
Sad. This whole episode was sad. I cannot for the life of me figure out why Kim was on this show. Didn't she have a friend or a manager or a SISTER who said "Hey Kim, I know you're trying to make a comeback, but maybe a reality show that thrives on the humiliation of its cast is not the best place for a emotionally fragile, unstable alcoholic such as yourself"? I don't know, maybe Kyle did say that, and maybe when Kim's wine-soaked brain decided to give this a try, Kyle thought she could protect her. But like Snooki's decision to leave work to do shots with strangers on the boardwalk, Kim's foray back into showbusiness was doomed from the start.
Here is your Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap:
1. Camille. She claims she was so uncomfortable at the Tonys, not knowing the future of her marriage, but GOD, we were the ones who were suffering. She was staring him down so confidently in that limo, asking him to reaffirm his love for her in front of all of these people--people who probably knew months before she did that it was all over.
What about when she told DD that later, when she went to the New York apartment and introduced herself as "Mrs. Grammer," the doorman was all "nice try, lady." He thought some other woman was Mrs. Grammer, and this is how Camille finds out that Kelsey has been cheating. That is rich people humiliation right there.
2. Now I'm going to voice an opinion that I'm sure will be unpopular: Lisa is the original shit-stirrer. DON'T DENY IT! She unenthusiastically invited Taylor to Villa Blanca, made a few snide remarks and then ordered Taylor to clear things up with Kim when things were already nice and buried. Lisa knew it would only cause more problems and perhaps...just perhaps...drive Kyle away from Taylor. Conniving, you guys. Manipulative and conniving.
3. So then we have Taylor's birthday party. HOORAY!!! Just kidding. It is the worst fucking party you have ever seen. The food looked delicious though, and the champagne was flowing, so it could have been a good time. But no one--NO ONE--wants to be there, least of all Taylor and Russell. You have never seen such a gathering of people so miserable and ready to FIGHT. The birthday girl herself starts it when she approaches Kim and brings up guess what? NEW YORK! Because Lisa told her she had to do it for Kyle, and that shit hasn't been beaten to death already. I'm starting to think that everyone's contract says "never let any argument die, no matter how stupid it may be. Bring it up in a belligerent tone in every episode or Bravo will make everyone kiss Giggy on the lips while wearing sparkly banana clips from Adrienne Maloof's personal collection."
Taylor and Kim are busy invading each other's space, and like a insects to a bug zapper, all of the ladies run over to see if they can get in on this camera time. Whoops, I mean--to see if they can make Kim's pearl choker pop off. No no no, I'm sorry. To see if they can help resolve the situation. But they can't. They're all just fighting and fighting and every single one of them is indignant up the ass. Does that even make sense? I don't even care to recall the details of this yelling party except to say that Maloof is trying to mediate and she is just waaaaaay out of her depth and I just know Andy Cohen was off-camera, shushing her. Actually, if we're going to be honest, I was shushing her from my couch because there is nothing quite so annoying as a person trying to interrupt a fight with quotes from motivational posters.
Kim: "...and I hate you and you and especially you."
Adrienne: "Kim, remember to express yourself!"
So Kim ends up being the loser and tearfully goes downstairs to (probably) do a line of coke with the valet and maybe give him a bee-jay. Meanwhile, Kyle is fuming. She has decided that she hates Kim's drama and is going to confront her about it. The irony, the sweet, sweet irony! She storms down to find Kim huddled in a corner of a limo with Martin, her one-time blind date (AWKWARD), and Maloof, who is still calmly saying things like "communicate, Kim. Nothing can be accomplished without communication." Shutupshutupshutup!!!!
Kim tells the camera that as a child star, she supported her entire family financially. She bought Kyle her first car, bought the family home (I think, this part was a little incoherent). So then Kyle, who all night has been alluding to "things are so much more complicated than anyone knows...no one has any idea what I've been through with Kim...she's alone for a reason...." lets it FLY. "After all I've done for you?!" she yells in disbelief. And then BOOM! Kyle screams that Mauricio has been supporting Kim "like a second fucking wife." Ahhh, now we get it! Kyle thinks Kim owes her, and Kim thinks exactly the opposite. It kind of is complicated. Huh.
Then there is the notorious lunge across the limo and Kyle announces to the world that Kim is an alcoholic and that everyone knows it. She tells Kim that all help is now cut off. We all know that Kyle has been dying to say this, dying to tell everyone why she is so hard on Kim, why she worries so much, why she feels so responsible for thhis sad sack of a sister. Probably not the best time or place to blurt it out, but it's too late. All on film and the Bravo camera crew are whimpering and sitting on their hands to keep from high-fiving each other. Kyle climbs back over everyone and gets out. Kim, who is crying and cowering behind Maloof (finally speechless, thank GOD), says that what Kyle did is unforgivable.
And there you go. In the little epilogue thing, we find out that "Kim's family checked her into rehab" and the next week, she checked herself out. I'm no expert, but I think that this is not a good sign.
Ready for the reunion?
Reader Comments (46)
Sad situation all around. My hate for Taylor Duck Lips and her lame ass husband grows each episode.
I think being an alcoholic is turning out to be a pre-requisite to be on this franchise. But I will say one thig for Beverly Hills: at lease none of the drive drunk. How many times have we seen Kim and Nene knock back a bottle of cheap white wine and then drive their own cars. And the OC too.
Cannot wait for the reunion. And the Celebrity rehab, with Kim and Kelly from NY and Lynn from OC....
K- saddest episode in housewife history.
1. You forgot about "I believe in my heart its a woman" Camille says that about kelsey and just by the WAY she said it... I swear I believe this dude is a cross dressing bisexual.
2. That was NO birthday party! It was the requisite bravo wrap party! Why else would everyone who has been on camera all season be there: the maloof brothers? Farrah? their managers and pr people? Mauricio's mother? At Taylor's birthday party? REALLY BRAVO?
3. The Kim/Kyle drama is heartbreaking. And even though kim was an emotional ball of tatters the entire season I didnt get alcoholic from her. I got nervous anxious dependent weirdo but not alcoholic. Im skeptical. Her - Im a mother hear me roar shtick is kind of contrary to the alcoholic thing.
And I think Kim must have bought their parents house or something and then when they died Kyle inhereted it? Not Kim? And that is why Kim feels "YOU STOLE MY HOUSE!" I dunno....
We need a four hour reunion.
One time in middle school my best friend wore white jeans to school and started her period in the middle of class and didn't know it, and when she stood up for lunch she had this big bloody mess all over the back of her pants and EVERYONE saw and she had to spend the rest of the day with a sweatshirt borrowed from lost & found wrapped around her waist to cover the stain, and we were all trying to make her feel better but it was just PAINFULLY AWKWARD and I felt strangely embarrassed for her. I had that same experience watching this episode.
I stopped in the middle of this episode and thought, "These women are all very wealthy, and someone came to them and said, 'We'll give you a 100k to relive middle school all over again in front of 4 million people.' " and they AGREED to it. At which point I stopped feeling awkward and embarrassed for them because they fucking asked for it.
Sketch 42 - you hit the nail on the head with this being a wrap party. You could see it on their faces when Russell gave his "toast" to Taylor. The whole crowd was like, "Who is that dude, and why is he giving a toast? Is he from the network?"
As much as I have loved it, I am ready for a break from the drama. When is 9 by Design or Bethenny Ever After coming back?
All I kept thinking of during the limo scene was Martin! Dude was probably on his knees thanking the lord he didn't hook up with this wackadoodle chick. If he had she'd be boiling his bunny rabbit as we speak. I'm not going to be IGNORED Martin!
SGM- That's how Lisa stays so toned- stirring that cauldron of shit.
Sketch42- total wrap party.
I call TOTAL BULLSHIT on Camille's story. TOTAL BULLSHIT!!! Let's rewind- Remember when Camille was working with that decorator on the NYC apt? Remember when Camille and entourage come into town for Kelsey's premier and stayed at the apt? And she went on and on saying how hard she was working on the apt.? If you're a doorman in NYC working at a VERY plush address as I'm sure this place is, it's your fucking bread and butter to remember the tenants and act accordingly.Those doormen know exactly who's the wife, mistress or pay-for-play guest and would never say the things she said they did. Nice little story Camille. You're attempt at sympathy and "poor me" is so transparent. You got what you deserved. When you married for money and status you should have considered your husbands character and track record.The guy's been a hot mess for years-
From the internet's-
Grammer has been married three times.
His first marriage, to dance instructor Doreen Alderman, lasted from 1982 to 1990. They had one daughter, Spencer Grammer (born October 9, 1983), an actress on the CBS Daytime soap opera As the World Turns and the ABC Family show Greek.
After this marriage, Grammer had a daughter, Greer Kandace (born February 15, 1992), with hair and makeup stylist Barrie Buckner.[12]
His second marriage, to stripper Leigh-Anne Csuhany in 1992, lasted one year. Grammer says that she was abusive and shot a gun at him,[20] and that, after talk of divorce, she attempted suicide, which resulted in the miscarriage of their child.[21]
In 1994, he met 28-year-old Tammy Baliszewski, also known as Tammy Alexander, at a bar in Manhattan Beach, California. In December 1994, the two of them appeared on the cover of People magazine, announcing their engagement and Grammer's substance abuse problems. They broke up in 1995.
In August 1997, Grammer married Camille Donatacci, a former Playboy model. They met on a blind date in 1996.[22] They have a daughter, Mason Olivia (born October 24, 2001), and a son, Jude Gordon (born August 28, 2004), both born to a surrogate mother.[12]
On August 12, 2010, Grammer announced that he was going to be a father for the fifth time with girlfriend Kayte Walsh.[24] On October 9, 2010, Grammer announced that Walsh had miscarried six weeks earlier.[25] On December 28, 2010, Grammer announced their engagement.[26]
The man's a complete douche. And p.s. Does Camille have a medical reason why she used a surrogate? Why do I suspect she doesn't and it was all vanity related?
Lovely recap SGM-Thank you!!!
Everytime i see a new blog entry i get excited like its chirstmas morning and im 9 all over again!
Taylor and Lisa are shitty. I hope "pretty on the outside" draws them with giant gossip lips stirring a pot of shit with giggy trying to claw his way out.
I watched the episode a second time all Taylor does is deflect everything to Kim. She has made buddies with Kyle, spent a good amount of time shit talking between them about Kim. Mean girls sans L.LOHAN! Note everytime they ask her what was said to make Camille flip a second time in vegas... she deflects deflects deflects and blames it all on Kim. This time she even used Kims sister as back up......How effin sad is that? If Andy doesnt call her ass out on the reuinon and not allow her to deflect ima be super pissed!
I can see Taylor screaming YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH! then maybe Kyle will squeel "AL SHARPTON!" we were fooled all season thinking Camille was the craziest when its really Kyle who's bat shit scary island crazy!
You are right about Lisa being QUEEN shit stirrer. The way i see it.... Kim has been perfectly sane through the whole series.. Odd.. weird.. awkward but SANE she knew exactly what Lisa and Taylor were up to all season and everytime she tried to speak they squashed her. Cant wait for the reuinon. :P
Love you SGM so glad youre back! Dont let us push you away again. Blog when you want. Dont blog when you dont want ! <3
Taylor is such a succubus. Hate her more than any prior Housewife. She is a void, who will use her husband (whinging the entire season about her marriage, when she admittedly pursued him), her kid (the dog bullshit - she didn't take Kennedy on-air to an allergist, but rather a quack 'Hollywood' doc who is Jenny McCarthy's main medical support for her crackpot theories on vaccines; the party 'for Kennedy' for 60K where all Kennedy seemed to like was the dog), and the designated scapegoat (Kim) to launch higher into that sad stratosphere of size 00 dresses and fake tits and faker lips. She has 'nannies' (according to her hairdresser during the Roaring 20s party episode) for a single kid, does not seem to work (she claims she's a 'management consultant' which in the context of what she's shown of her self is likely a titular, big bag of bullshit), and is visibly envious of those she perceives as social betters (Lisa, Kyle).
The threats to Kim to 'go Oklahoma' and 'tread lightly' - I hope someone punches her in the fucking face. And it gets televised. And Russell leaves her for that 20 year old. Fingers crossed.
SGM - I'm SOOOOO happy you are back!! You totally timed your blog vacation during the Reral Housewives of DC on purpose didn't you!!??? Because they SUCKED. I don't know what I'm going to do without BH, it has become by favorite housewives franchise!! I can't wait for the reunion!
I loved watching Kyle try to hide her thighs and boobs in that dress while fuming and lunging toward her sister.
I just told all my readers on my blog they MUST come read your Blog. Oh how I have missed your recaps. I love love love Lisa and up until this point, she has been like Switzerland. She did stir the pot with Taylor but Taylor is such an idiot to bring it up at her party. Not the time or place. Kim is sooooo BEYOND annoying I can take it and Camille and her little baby voice is like nails on a chalkboard. God know's how many other women Kelsey has slept with during their marriage. YUCK! Cannot wait for the reunion and NY to start with Kelly freak-a-zoid
Kyle has been really pissing me off lately - that, though, could just be editing. It seems like she just goes *off* on her poor sister at the drop of a hat. Maybe Kim deserves it, I don't know, but it certainly is not a fair fight. Poor Kim can't even talk in complete sentences, of course she can't defend herself.
I actually don't mind Taylor all that much. It is obvious that she and Lisa are the resident shit-stirrers, but it seems to me like that is because they are the two smartest ones of the bunch, and they know that's what gets them 1) airtime, and 2) a season 2 contract. Taylor and Lisa to me are also the most well-spoken, and whenever they get in an argument I can't help but side with them because Kyle easily flies off the handle, Kim can't put two words together and is always confused, Camille is delusional, and Maloof just doesn't give a shit.
Except Maloof and Lisa, all of these ladies have at one point made me sad for them (yes, even Camille, though it was a fleeting moment). The finale was just depressing.
O.K., I think I'm officially uninterested in Atlanta. I got nada from last nights episode. I in fact was calm and collected when interrupted numerous times by my husband . Normally I pull biggest "SHHHHHHH!!!!" hissy fit and point to the t.v. completely exasperated and annoyed. I just don't care about any of them anymore. Not one little bit.
I agree Jen. Maybe the extra drama of BH has led me to expect more lol Dont understand why they made it longer than 60 mins. Boring...
Ann, thanks so much for the sweet post.
YES, RHBH has totally ruined me too. Tried to watch RHOA but just couldn't get into it.
Poor Kyle with the tugging at the dress! Totally forgot about that. Proof that nobody's butt looks good from that angle.
This was definitely an "end of the season" party. The women of OC just straight up call it that, and I think they have in NYC too. Remember when they tried to pass off NJ's as a "housewarming" that wasn't even at Teresa's house?!
Further evidence that hottie Mauricio should be nominated for sainthood...
By the way - has anyone figured out what Kim's "You stole my house" meant, and it sent Kyle into a tailspin?
Generous and super-hot. Excellent combination.
I dread the day they come to our town. It's bound to happen sooner or later I think. There's so much "refund gap plastic surgery-leather skin tanned- horse mouth veneer-designer handbag ho-bags-swingers for attention-pretend you have money-wanna be's" here it's crazy.
I too posted on my blog to tell everyone you're back SGM! I cannot believe just how much I missed your recaps, but rest assured will be checking in regularly! So much grist for the blogging mill with RH's from all over the country! Atlanta, yes definitely over it, except who knew Phaedra would be my fave! Can't wait for RHNY, and the reunions, oh Lordy, Lordy!
What the flip?????? You are back blogging!!!! Alleluia!!!! I am so happy!!!!
I am using my old laptop and I had you in my favorites and lo and behold you are here.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
SOME TEA
We see Kim moving at the beginning of RHOB. Kim bought her mother the family home and had been living there with her. When mom died she left the home to Kyle and her real estate husband (thinking he was qualified) and made them promise to take care of Kim and make sure "she always has a home". Kyle and her beautiful but sneaky hubby sold the house with a new promise to put her in another home. Which is what we see when the series begins. Thats why she's always saying "look what mom left me with" she is trying to ruin Kims reputation to cover for the house stealing / promise breaking. They bank rolled Kims move (with kims house money!) which is why Kyle says her husband has been supporting her like a second wife. Mom didnt state in a real document that Kyle had to keep the home for Kim. It was a sneaky move on Kyles part.
Kyle took the money from the family home bought Kim a small house and kept the rest. Remember Kim being very picky about houses? She did not want to leave her home. Kyle forced her and then forced her to buy a smaller cheaper home. Now Kyle and hubby have used that money along with the RHOB money to buy a home in the hills.
Kim has the social status. She was a child star, knows many other child stars whom are her peers. As well as being married and having children with a Davis.. . one of the richest oil familys in the world. Kyles been social climbing off the back of her family for years including her niece Paris. (among other things she appeared on Paris reality show) This was her golden ticket and how DARE Kim get in her way. She steam rolled her. Dont be fooled by the "Demi" look. Kathy has not been seen nor did she attend the graduation because of KYLE not Kim.
(If you take what you have learned, and watch the series a second time everything will make sense)
Except that Kim is renting. She didn't buy.
Tea Time, is this speculation? Where are you getting your info?
What?!! Oh pull-eeese...Since when has being an adult former child star mean't status of ANY kind? More like "pathetic has been." Gimmie a break. Maybe Kim can do a spin off show with all her "fabulously well connected and sought after" 70's child star friends. Hmmmmm... lets see, Mellissa Gilbert, Ricky Schroeder, Danny Bonoduce, The Waltons kids. The Brady Bunch crew. Or maybe they can bring back that one reality show that had all the has-beens living in the same house, what was that called? It was AWESOME!