"I'm not lonely. I'm not lonely. I like being alone."
Sunday, January 23, 2011 
Ooooooh, Kim. You're a good actress and everything but that's a stretch. If not for the sobbing by yourself in the back of a limo, and your flapping panic when your kids mention leaving home, and oh--the fact that you pick up guys at the grocery store and bring them home, I might be able to believe it. Actually not even then.
Another flawlessly executed Housewives bliztkreig. In the aftermath of a sneak attack and an expertly dropped bomb, Kim--smelling faintly of Love's Baby Soft and box wine--was left in a mangled soggy heap while the others ran off to smile for the camera.
Sad. This whole episode was sad. I cannot for the life of me figure out why Kim was on this show. Didn't she have a friend or a manager or a SISTER who said "Hey Kim, I know you're trying to make a comeback, but maybe a reality show that thrives on the humiliation of its cast is not the best place for a emotionally fragile, unstable alcoholic such as yourself"? I don't know, maybe Kyle did say that, and maybe when Kim's wine-soaked brain decided to give this a try, Kyle thought she could protect her. But like Snooki's decision to leave work to do shots with strangers on the boardwalk, Kim's foray back into showbusiness was doomed from the start.
Here is your Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap:
1. Camille. She claims she was so uncomfortable at the Tonys, not knowing the future of her marriage, but GOD, we were the ones who were suffering. She was staring him down so confidently in that limo, asking him to reaffirm his love for her in front of all of these people--people who probably knew months before she did that it was all over.
What about when she told DD that later, when she went to the New York apartment and introduced herself as "Mrs. Grammer," the doorman was all "nice try, lady." He thought some other woman was Mrs. Grammer, and this is how Camille finds out that Kelsey has been cheating. That is rich people humiliation right there.
2. Now I'm going to voice an opinion that I'm sure will be unpopular: Lisa is the original shit-stirrer. DON'T DENY IT! She unenthusiastically invited Taylor to Villa Blanca, made a few snide remarks and then ordered Taylor to clear things up with Kim when things were already nice and buried. Lisa knew it would only cause more problems and perhaps...just perhaps...drive Kyle away from Taylor. Conniving, you guys. Manipulative and conniving.
3. So then we have Taylor's birthday party. HOORAY!!! Just kidding. It is the worst fucking party you have ever seen. The food looked delicious though, and the champagne was flowing, so it could have been a good time. But no one--NO ONE--wants to be there, least of all Taylor and Russell. You have never seen such a gathering of people so miserable and ready to FIGHT. The birthday girl herself starts it when she approaches Kim and brings up guess what? NEW YORK! Because Lisa told her she had to do it for Kyle, and that shit hasn't been beaten to death already. I'm starting to think that everyone's contract says "never let any argument die, no matter how stupid it may be. Bring it up in a belligerent tone in every episode or Bravo will make everyone kiss Giggy on the lips while wearing sparkly banana clips from Adrienne Maloof's personal collection."
Taylor and Kim are busy invading each other's space, and like a insects to a bug zapper, all of the ladies run over to see if they can get in on this camera time. Whoops, I mean--to see if they can make Kim's pearl choker pop off. No no no, I'm sorry. To see if they can help resolve the situation. But they can't. They're all just fighting and fighting and every single one of them is indignant up the ass. Does that even make sense? I don't even care to recall the details of this yelling party except to say that Maloof is trying to mediate and she is just waaaaaay out of her depth and I just know Andy Cohen was off-camera, shushing her. Actually, if we're going to be honest, I was shushing her from my couch because there is nothing quite so annoying as a person trying to interrupt a fight with quotes from motivational posters.
Kim: "...and I hate you and you and especially you."
Adrienne: "Kim, remember to express yourself!"
So Kim ends up being the loser and tearfully goes downstairs to (probably) do a line of coke with the valet and maybe give him a bee-jay. Meanwhile, Kyle is fuming. She has decided that she hates Kim's drama and is going to confront her about it. The irony, the sweet, sweet irony! She storms down to find Kim huddled in a corner of a limo with Martin, her one-time blind date (AWKWARD), and Maloof, who is still calmly saying things like "communicate, Kim. Nothing can be accomplished without communication." Shutupshutupshutup!!!!
Kim tells the camera that as a child star, she supported her entire family financially. She bought Kyle her first car, bought the family home (I think, this part was a little incoherent). So then Kyle, who all night has been alluding to "things are so much more complicated than anyone knows...no one has any idea what I've been through with Kim...she's alone for a reason...." lets it FLY. "After all I've done for you?!" she yells in disbelief. And then BOOM! Kyle screams that Mauricio has been supporting Kim "like a second fucking wife." Ahhh, now we get it! Kyle thinks Kim owes her, and Kim thinks exactly the opposite. It kind of is complicated. Huh.
Then there is the notorious lunge across the limo and Kyle announces to the world that Kim is an alcoholic and that everyone knows it. She tells Kim that all help is now cut off. We all know that Kyle has been dying to say this, dying to tell everyone why she is so hard on Kim, why she worries so much, why she feels so responsible for thhis sad sack of a sister. Probably not the best time or place to blurt it out, but it's too late. All on film and the Bravo camera crew are whimpering and sitting on their hands to keep from high-fiving each other. Kyle climbs back over everyone and gets out. Kim, who is crying and cowering behind Maloof (finally speechless, thank GOD), says that what Kyle did is unforgivable.
And there you go. In the little epilogue thing, we find out that "Kim's family checked her into rehab" and the next week, she checked herself out. I'm no expert, but I think that this is not a good sign.
Ready for the reunion?
Reader Comments (46)
Tea Time:
Not sure why any of this is evil. The mom left the house to Kyle? Then she was free to sell it. Did Kim end up in a house of her own? Yes. So Dead Mother Richards can rest easy. I don't see anyone doing any "house stealing."
If that's what happened then it's shady but I'm not buying it. If mama Richards really wanted to protect Kim she would've set up a trust.
...or left the family house to Kim.
It was Lisa in the library with a diamond encrusted candle stick. Shits way to crazy for me. Wish they would just show Kim for the wino they claim she is or own up to being mean girls. Taylor posted her blog to Bravo and says "Kims unpredictable" and then tossed Lisa under the bus. Next season should be just as fun.
I must be a cruel bitch because when Camille was crying to DD it felt poorly acted or forced. Like porno acting I kept waiting for the bow chikka bow wow music to kick in. LOL
Way harsh, Jen. Kim's not insisting on her status, so the vitriol seems misplaced.
Whatever, I'm going to defend Kim because what was done to her is just flat-out wrong. It wouldn't surprise me if she's an alcoholic, but all of the shit that happened this season can be put at Kyle's, Taylor's, and Camille's feet. Yet Kim was really ostracized, and her sister led the way to make her more other, more lonely. It's really awful.
word to the fucking bird.
recap magic.
Kim did a lot more than Witch Mountain. She was a child star who worked every day of her life until she became a mother and never looked back. Dukes of Hazzard, love boat, chips, different strokes. You name it she was probably in it. She doesnt seek fame she's been there done that.
Skip to 4:00 mark to see Kim and her mother talk about moving to Arizona. She moved herself and her children to take care of her mother. When she died the entire estate which Kim had worked for her entire life was left to Kyle and others. Now days a child actors income is put into trust. Back then the parents STOLE it just like Gary Coleman.
Kim making fun of Lisa and "Giggy"
This was days after the Kyle/Kim limo attack Kyle looks really upset over things doesnt she? Move to 145 mark to see Taylor & Kyle TRASHED. Kim is not the only one with a drinking problem. Kyle is a closet drunk. watch them call kim a drama queen and taylor drunkenly hangs on everyone making sure shes in all pictures.
Oops my links did not post!
400 mark for the drunks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANWHtiZrpVM
Kim making fun of Lisa and Giggy (alone, thanks Kyle!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-xvqBNhCIg
I'm not convinced Kim is an alcoholic. She might be, but Kyle might be a bully who is forcing that label/storyline on her sister to belittle her and render her powerless and pathetic in the public's eye.
Guesty,
I was more speaking to what TeaTime was saying and how dumb it was and not really insulting Ms.Kim directly. That's really neither here or there though as I do stand by my opinion on adult child stars. Most of them have ended up hot messes and leading pretty pathetic lives. I grew up with and around a LOT of them and knew firsthand how sad and messy their lives were and still are for some. So my opinion is based on my experience really. Harsh? Sure. But like I said, the silly things TeaTime was saying about Kim and her "friends" having the real social status was laughable.
Who knows what really happened with these sisters. As sad as it sounds these shows are fun to watch and yes sometimes make you feel very uncomfortable. Peoples lives are messy. It happens. And then we get to come here and discuss it. It's a beautiful thing. :)
I think you missed the point, Jen. What the other posters were saying is that *Kyle* sees it as social status/ fame and is after that. Kim already knows what that life style is about. lol But i could be wrong.
I read comments on another forum that said Kyle was pissed all season because her friend Faye interviewed for the housewife spot and they chose Kim over her. That makes more sense to me than anything else i've read. Its more in line with sisterly hate. I cant wait for the reunion they better DELIVER!
Damm! I missed the point??!! I hate it when that happens. O.k. then, never mind. Carry on!!!!
That's why Mom gave the house to ME, Jen. You kept missing the point.
I must have missed the memo to be a total asshole to everyone. Carry on!!!!!!
LOLOLOL - I wasn't being an asshole. I was being serious!! I missed the point. Which then made my responses confusing. Yeeesh! Tough room!!
Oops. I thought you were being a smart ass. But anywho.. lol
The link someone posted of Taylor drunk. I saw that on reality tea only it was not edited. It showed Kyle and Taylor saying Kim was the drama Queen of the season. Then Taylor almost knocks Kyle down.
Taylor reminds me of the Tin Man for some reason. I guess the jaw.
I love your recaps! My friend Mo and I sit on the phone and read your recaps together and laugh and laugh! Thanks! :)
Great recap. Kyle is just terrible. She is involved in literally every bit of drama but yet still hangs on to her fans and makes out better than Camille. She calls everyone names but then goes crazy when people call her "jealous". I think Bravo made her a special deal for getting the ladies on the show. Kyle- 1995 called and they want Demi Moore's look back!
And I have been saying it for week's. Lisa IS a sh*t stirrer!
why did i not get the press release that SGM was back? and this time, andy cohen better be paying you!
oxoxo,
c.
This episode was exhausting...