So much so much SO MUCH to talk about
Friday, March 5, 2010 Let's start by talking about the Real Housewives of Orange County finale. I'm not going to recap it, but here are some talking points.
1. Ryan. Poor Ryan.
"So, like, I live with my grandma but she's totally cool with me having sleepovers, you dig?"
2. My husband bet me $5 that Shane Keough would hook up with Alexa or Raquel. Although there was no evidence of them even talking, I feel like it must have happened (with Alexa at least). I will pay up.
How nice were Kara and Jeana, by the way, stepping in to rescue Lynne when she was fumbling around trying to parent the sullen Alexa? Heroic.
3. Vicki's dress. Holy shitballs! Not only did she flash her hoochie-coochie every time she took a step, but when she was comforting Tamra, there was a discomforting amount of sandbag boob showing. Sorry to be so harsh, Vick, but when you try on clothes, you need to keep in mind that you will be moving in them. (For those of you who didn't see the dress, I'll try to find a good picture).
4. Alexis' mom's brow lift.
I couldn't tell a difference. I needed some close-ups as well as before and after photos. She was wearing make-up, though. Hopefully she'll be able to smuggle some back to Missouri in her suitcase: "See? This is called Lipstick. No, you don't eat it--you smear it on your lips and it will attract the menfolk." Oh wait, she lives in Colorado now. Maybe she can do some sort of air-lift.
5. When Simon approached Vicki and crying Tamra, was your heart was RACING like mine? EEK! Tamra has emerged as quite the sympathetic figure. Simon was just awful and scary last night.
I did find the jingle-jangle of her earrings to be oddly soothing.
"Tamra, have you ever thought about the therapeutic benefits of plastic surgery? I just know that some skin resurfacing and a small butt implant would make Simon less angry and mean."
6. There was a moment when Jim was talking to Frank, and he was being pretty decent and kind about the eviction, and just as I was thinking "I've been too hard on him..." he asks "do you go to church?" and DAMN. He ruined all of my warm feelings. Have you ever been on the receiving end of that question? AWKWARD.
7. There is no hope for the Curtin sisters. No hope at all. What did you think about Slade tattling on them to Frank?
8. Quinn! I didn't see her in the show but spotted her in the photos, still proudly sporting her mile-long cleavage.
9. Lauri! Was anyone else a little surprised to see she's still married?
"Gretchen, I think we both know that Slade needs a little bit more to hold onto up here."
What did I miss? Thoughts?
Next up, Real Housewives of New York City recap.
Reader Comments (45)
I just want to say that I LOVE reading your recaps and opinions that is all things "The Real Housewives". You are so on the money with everything you say. Literally, I feel like you take the words out of my mouth. I read your site all the time and laugh out loud!! Keep it up, I love it!
I was flipping between Project Runway and RHOOC so I missed the early Simon/Tamra stuff this episode - I think she's vile so I don't feel sorry for her. I assume I will when I see him criticizing her clothes, etc....we shall see, though, as Tamra never actually cries when she 'cries' - same thing in the preview for the reunion. "I can't live like that anymore!! [heaving sob, dry eyes and intact makeup despite elegant raccoon-like eyeliner layers.]" She feeds, perhaps even drives the dynamic with Simon, and from my limited viewing, she's not afraid of him or afraid of him overhearing her -- she told everyone at the party about the arguing, and she's done much the same throughout the season. If you were having a real blow-up with your spouse and weren't determined to use it to wiggle back into someone's good graces (relative to Vicki) or seem elevated with your crisis and drama (relative to everyone else), you'd either settle it before leaving, leave your dick husband at home, or not tell everyone you could run to on your fug heels about your miserable shit of a spouse and fake cringing over him overhearing you. To make a long post short (...too late), reserving my right to change my mind when I catch the repeat, I don't think she's being abused, and I don't buy her version of anything, yet.
Gretchen is so tiresome in her princess dresses and saying that her fucking deadbeat, owes 20K in child support dildo is a 'catch.' Yes, you can catch something from "Slade" and his much-passed-around knob, but he's no catch.
In the screencap, Ryan's face looks like he has a wasting disease or a Michael Jackson impersonator -- he has a trashy, sunken look to him. Most unfortunate. As a laid off person, I still chortled when I saw he'd been laid off - who is surprised that he can't seem to hold a job? Anyone?
Jeana should dress in a more flattering manner...but yes, that was a DefCon1 situation in terms of the threats posed by Vicki, her gunt, her fake low-slung rack and other assorted fleshbits in that dress. Holy shit.
SGM,
Is Alexis' mom still off limits? If not, she looked like Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) in the "No More Wire Hangers" scene in Mommy Dearest.
And yes, I figured it was 420 in the OC.
Muffy Love
Damm you SGM! I put my comment on this train wreck in the other post thinking you wouldn't recap till Spring!!
Oh dear Tamra, how scary was Simon, acting like a true abuser, looking for forgiveness right after it happened, and I thought she truly seemed scared of him. No wonder he stopped blogging on Bravo, he knew what was coming, and he would have been crucified by watchers, he deserves nothing, I hope she uses the footage in her divorce.
Slade such a pot stirrer, him and Gretchen think that they are the saving grace for the rest of the cast, gosh shut up and what was with their outfits? and they looked like some sort of dolls, but Lauri's comments to Gretchen about Slade, made us all look good. Do u think that maybe Slade was going to ask for Gretchen's hand in marriage at the party and didn't after her talk w/Lauri ?? IDK
Alexis and Raquel, w/their parents in the same limo and the parents don't notice anything?????? But is was a big limo???
WAKE THE F UP! and she wanted a Martini duh
Thinking about all the fashions that were worn, Lynne probably didn't get the memo to wear either white or black but everybody else did, even Vicky's family... made me think good vs evil?
Haven't watched yet, so no comments.
I do have to sya though in that pic of Alexis' mom she looks like she just took a bite of a rully, rully sour lemon. Yikes.
OMG - don't keep me in suspense - please post about RHONYC! For some UNKNOWN REASON us Canadians aren't getting it from Bravo. (Bastards)
So I propose an equine competition between the horses: Lauri vs. Kelly. Bravo could totally play it up and have them RIDE horses but then we'd all be in the know with their horsey appearances. Plus, you could have that Western vs. English styles of riding....
P.S.. Was funny when Briana commented that Slade was totally checking out Lauri's daughter... Just when we thought he'd run out of housewives, he can skip generations (at least in his dreams)
Also, Ryan was definitely sporting the hat to cover the receding hairline. Gosh, the gals seem to get every procedure under the sun, guess the funds ran out for plugs.
Vicki's dress, WTF was she thinking - I saw more saggy sideboob than I ever want to see from anyone. Why did she think that was appropriate in any way, shape or form? Lynn, for the love of Ray J, get with the program. I actually snorted out loud when she said that she didn't know what the girls were up to in the limo. Really? Funny how my Mom knew everything I was doing even if she was a city away. Alexa and Raquel need to be smacked up the side of their heads, I'm so sick of them saying the words "f*ck" and "drama" shut up you twits! And I'm sort of feeling sorry for Tamra too, though she's still not so likeable. I can't wait for your NY recap - God help me with the Countess and Ramona.
The Tamara/Simon scenes were defintely troubling to watch. I was expecting a domestic violence public service message after the show...."Abuse is never okay. If you or anyone you know....."
"Sandbag boob" - awesome, SGM!
I had it with Simon's "Look at me, look at me" to Tamara. Creepy controlling. The guy was in total panic-mode when he found out she was off crying, but he tried to play it off like he though she was hurt? Yeah right!!!
Kara was the shining star of this episode as far as I'm concerned! Her pep talk was awesome, but unfortunately, probably lost on Alexa.
I just watched both shows last night and I have to say, the fun is gone. These are just stupid, greedy, unlikeable, dysfunctional people who don't mind showing it all off on national television. I just don't understand it. I really don't.
And it doesn't help that Bravo seems to fuel everything with unlimited access to alcohol. If any of them stayed sober they might have a chance.
I admire Briana and Kara for they have their heads on straight. I'd like to bitch slap Lynn's 2 train wreck daughters and Alexa gets 2 slaps just because she deserves it.
I just had a chance to watch, and am I the only one who thinks Bravo dedicated 37 minutes of footage to shots of booze and cleavage and about 14 minutes to actual interactions?
This episode actually made me miss Jeanna. It's a sad, sad statement when that bag of crazy is the only tolerable one in the bunch.
Ha! - tweeted from Simon VanKemmpen: http://prettyontheoutside.typepad.com/gilmore/2010/03/the-real-housewives-of-nyc-welcome-back-artwork.html
I would love to see an A & E episode of "Intervention" featuring Raquel and Alexa. The moderator wouldn't know where to start 'cause mom and dad are more in denial than their dipshit daughters! BTW..I can totally picture Ryan shooting up. He takes "sleaze" to a new low.
Watching RHONY...boy did The Countess bob and weave over Bethenny's statement that she gives her number out to anyone and picks up men! Her denial was really weak..probably 'cause there's a lot of men ready to come out of the woodwork and beg to differ! I haven't really decided who I like most this season. As far as like least, well DUH: Kelly. However she does crack me up with her mixed metaphors and shit. It's funny how these women declare they must have authentic, REAL, total friends when every single one of them would throw the rest under the bus for a little air time! If only Jill held herself to the same standard to which she holds everyone else...
LOVE the prettyontheoutside drawing! Totally using it in my next post.
Who said Alexis' mom looks like Madam? FOR SURE.
LOLOLOL!! Madam!! that's brilliant
Watch out SGM, Anon told everyone that Alexis' mom was off-limits (sarcasm.)
Alexis's mom has a better body than Alexis.
Yes, Vicki's dress was horrifying, and would have been on just about anyone!
Talking of bad dressing, I am very scared of Simon,and that includes his busboy shirts! Who dresses like that? and the way he talks in that monotone, with his teeth kind of clenched, (at least he seems to hardly move his lips to speak). Very odd!
Where is your NYC recap already? I wrote one in your absence on my blog... but I am not as funny as you are. Plus, I thought it was absolute torture from beginning to end and I could barely stand watching it.
How bout you?
To all you posters who are so lacking in imagination/humor that you can only stoop to making fun of someone's looks: I am unimpressed, you are not funny, and in the words of Dew-AIN, 'how dreadful'.
There have been blogs that I enjoyed and then found that I just didn't enjoy, or worse, anymore. So I just stopped reading them.