Everyone loves a hypocrite!
Friday, December 11, 2009 Especially when it comes to reality tv, and the Real Housewives of Orange County has a real contender in Alexis Bellino. I wasn't going to even bother with the salacious rumors surrounding her previous marriage--until last night, with all of the talk about "Jim is a Godly man" and "we have the same morals and values and we're both Christians and why let tempation into your life?" Well, read this and this and this. While these sources admittedly aren't The New York Times, the stories don't sound too far-fetched considering the uber-clingy nature of Alexis and Jim's marriage.
Other comments about last night's episode:
1. I fucking love Donn Gunvalson. My fists clench with the intensity of it! Did you see how he handled that puffy blowhard Jim? This is basically what went down: Vicki had planned a girls' trip (for GIRLS), to Florida. Donn, Jim and Simon are hanging out after golf and Jim's all "so we're going to Florida." Donn says (with his smile that instantly warms me) "We? 'We' weren't invited." Then belligerent Jim: "Why? blah blah blah we never spend a day apart because I'm a stupid asshole and my wife is a $2 whore."
Donn follows up with a "knock yourself out, I'm not going." Jim: "is Vicki gonna be a bitch about it?" (that's what he meant to say, anyway). Donn: "she's a big girl; she'll figure it out."
Shake your pom-poms for Donn, everyone. I mean, REALLY. He's so honest, yet diplomatic and charming with his easy smile and crinkly eyes. I'm telling you, it's making me look for a reason to like Vicki--if he likes her, then there must be some tiny bit of awesome in her that we can't see.
Now. Will someone please explain the "I don't believe in spending time apart" mentality? Because as any woman knows, girls' weekends are about eating, drinking and having in-depth discussions about sex and in-laws and Jolie vs. Aniston. It is not about carousing for men. All of this bullshit about "I trust my wife 100%, it's not about trust" is a BIG ODIOUS LIE. If you can't let your wife or girlfriend be alone without you for a weekend, then you don't trust her. GOD, I could pop a blood vessel over this. Girls' weekends are crucial to a marriage, if you ask me. Frank doesn't want to listen to me blather on about shoes and Tila Tequila and the bitch mom at my kids' school. My girls DO. Please discuss.
2. Save for the tanning party wiener incident, I think Slade and Gretchen are kind of...adorable and funny. THERE, I said it. Go ahead, call me a pussy. I stand by my feelings.
3. Lynne and Raquel's tag team plastic surgeries. Just bad decisions all around.
4. I am so TIRED, so FINISHED, with the Tamra and Gretchen drama that I happily changed the channel when it was time for their meeting. Apparently Tamra has now requested Gretchen take a lie-detector test.
Tamra Barney, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, please move on.
Now, an special announcement: have you been wondering where you can get a thoughtful analysis of MTV's Jersey Shore?
I have, and I am pleased to inform you that my dear friend and confidante gayhooker has started his own blog, A Kiss from God, to serve this very need (plus many other needs). His observations are both witty and sexual, and I think you will enjoy it immensely. Go on over and introduce yourself, won't you? See you there!
Reader Comments (18)
Clearly, a person who think it is a good idea to bring not yet 2 year old twins to get mani/pedis has no business judging other people or their marriages.
I couldn't agree more about the girls' weekend thing. If you and your spouse have such trust issues that you can't be apart for a weekend - all of which will be filmed by Bravo for you and/or your divorce lawyer's viewing pleasure - then just ask her not to go. Don't crash the weekend with your gross mustache and absurd cigar and controlling dickish attitude so that it ruins the whole thing.
At some point towards the end of this episode I turned to my couchmate and uttered, "I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought that anyone could make Slade look good. That's what Jim and Simon have done". Actually, now that I think of it, wasn't he "that dude" with the brunette "singer" girlfriend who's name escapes me? Controlling, I mean? He's had a personality transplant a la Flipping Out Jeff: kinder, gentler.
OH YAY! Another Donn and his crinkly eyes lover here. I love him to death- I always have. He just seems like an honestly good, well-meaning person...and I am so glad Vicki got her meds adjusted this season and is being nice to him. Whew.
Also- I also secretly dig Gretchen and Slade. As I tweeted awhile back- I want to hate Gretchen, but just can't. Something about her and that dorky, loud laugh of hers. I WANT TO HATE HER, OH GOD I DO!
But. I can't. *slinks away*
Also, don't even get me started on the Alexis thing. Bish, please, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
And Jim is a total douche, and an ugly total douche at that.
I have been thinking the same warm and fuzzy thoughts about Don and that Vicki must not be all bad for him to be with her. Let's start a Don fan club.
LOOOOOVE DONN! He is the best! However crazy Vicki is, he gets her, which YES, makes me think there is more to her than the cameras capture. He doesn't have to prove he trusts his wife, he just does. They've got something going here and I HOPE TO GOD Vicki truly realizes this and does what she can to hold on to him, because that crinkly eyed sweet man will get scooped up by someone if she doesn't. Is God whispering in her ear like He does to Alexis?
SGM, I effing love you, but please don't talk about nice feelings for Slade. He is and will always be disgusting. I'm glad he isn;t all up in the cameras, but he is so gross and pathetic. Stop giving him compliments. Although you're right, Gretchen is growing on me. And Tamra only makes Gretchen look better with every word she says because all I can think when Tamra starts bitching about whatever she is mad at Gretchen for is, "WHO CARES, SHUTUP!!!!" She is tired and losing her moment and shrill and disappointed and so, so jealous.
Love your blog SGM! You took the words right out of my mouth-Love Don. He handled that situation so great, and he seriously does seems like such a good guy. I am too reconsidering my feelings about Vicki. Though this season she has been a lot better than seasons past.
Since when is Gretchen accountable to Tamra? Bitch, PLEASE!! I mean why hold Gretchen up to a higher standard than that weasley turd spawn you call a son? And Jim Bellino? <pukes> what was all that, "It's not our reality" bullshit he was spouting off in the lingerie store? (Referring to her so much as casting a glance at another man). And Alexis with that "He's my king" crap... my head hurts. Those are the kind of marriages that crash the hardest....I can't wait!!!
This whole group is a god damm train wreck. Really Gretchen is the only one minding her owm business and not worrying about the others And the other poster was right- She doesn't owe Tamara anything!!!
i could not sleep after alexis set back women's rights about 50 years...do you think her husband lets her vote? what a pig. and her tits? are you kidding me? interesting about her last marriage, but shocking that she met her first husband in college, because that means she went to college! this woman makes my blood boil, its not healthy for me. and donn? sorry, sgm, but he is a drunk. check it out. i feel really confident about this. gretchen makes me crazy with her inane jokes and stupid cackling laugh. fingernails on a chalkboard! slade is so gross...i know he lost all his money and his house from a source i have in coto. remember when he had that huge watch and hummer? suprised he filled out that sock so well! as you can see, i am way too involved with these bitches, but at least they make me feel super smart.
more on vicky and her repulsive face later...how she makes any money doing anything is beyond me. the only person with any character at all is vicky's daughter, brianna.
Lizzy love your comment yeah Alexis tits, I mean they hang down like pears on a tree and they aren't very attractive, but I guess that is how its done in Coto?
Donn almost make me like Vicky. I loved that whole exchange with the husbands after golf.
Slade is still a famewhore and maybe Gretchen is too
Gayhooker is the Oscar Wilde of basic cable.
Another vote for Donn! You gotta wonder whether/how much the producers goad Vicki to stir her up and make her spout idiocy; since her kids are nice and her husband's normal, there must be some nice normal in her. I guess.
I agree with a previous poster, this group is awful, especially with all their teens and toddlers getting "trained' so early. Eeeuck. Maybe they gave us that little glimpse of Tammy & Quinn last week because they know we needed a shot of non-whore now that Jeana's gone.
Wait? So I shouldn't be half as interested as I actually am in Alexis? I hate her, but she takes me back to the ridiculousness of the first season of RHOC for some reason and I love her for that.
I told you Gretchen and Slade were secretly cute. So far, I really don't hate them and I sort of think they work well together...although I know I will hate myself later for saying that.
My theory is that Donn just doesn't give a shit anymore and I love him for that. Even when Vicki invited that guy into town, Donn was like "Huh? Isn't somebody coming to town? Where is he coming from? Who? What?"
This is my question: in what reality is a mother/daughter plastic surgery day normal? I am not even talking from a financial perspective either. I mean seriously....who the fuck does that?
Get a fucking life, Tamra. I am physically weak and never try to fight anyone physically because I know I would lose, but I want to punch that bitch in the face. I mean, seriously.
I think Donn is the bees knees, and I agree that Vicki must have some good characteristics that we just don't see to induce hime to stay with her. Alexis and Jim...vomit. So fake, so hypocritical. They make my skin crawl.
jim - asshole controlling monster
alexis - not sure I have a descriptor yet for her
tamra - total stain
gretchen - seems the sanest or them all
vicki - jealous whore
slade- like a dumb dog just coming back for more.
Jesus what a bunch of loonys