"I've always wanted a Louis Vuitton birthday cake."
Monday, October 13, 2008 
Oh, but of course you have, you obnoxious woman! In the premiere episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, it's Sheree's birthday. You know, the one who's at the tail end of a long drawn-out divorce and looking for "a lump sum, some seven figures"? The one who claims she's down to earth, yet "can't live without [her] entourage"? And by entourage, she doesn't mean friends, she means her huge staff: a chef, publicist, hair and make-up people, a personal assistant (who is name-checked as Evander Holyfield's daughter), and some other unnamed dude who seems to be her event planner/butler/gay husband. Plus we see a maid roaming around in uniform more degrading than Zoila's. All of this help for someone who has no paying job.
Sheree's party was eerily similar to the parties featured on My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV (particularly Jazmin's, which is SO worth watching). Sadly, Sheree is not turning 16, and her sense of entitlement and astonishing lack of humility are even less charming at age 38. More about her party later.
If you'd like to read more about Sheree in general, please visit this site for a lively and highly entertaining debate on Sheree's character from people who claim to know her. My favorite quote, directed at the whole cast (I think), is "the real women of Atlanta need to kick yall azz." FOR SURE.
Now that we've established that Sheree is a complete asshole, let's look at the others:
This is Lisa Wu Hartwell behind the wheel of her Hummer. She introduces herself as follows: "I am a real estate broker, a clothing designer, I also paint and make jewelry and I write movies and I'm an actress." And an astronaut! And unicorn tamer! Okay, okay, she didn't say those last two, but I couldn't resist the perfect set-up. If you thought Vicki from Real Housewives of OC was hyper, she's got nothing on Lisa. Lisa makes Vicki look like an invalid. She's also very tight with Sheree, so that's just another mark against her.
Next is Deshawn, who is married to NBA player Eric Snow and just moved into a ginormous mansion that is decorated like a model home (not a compliment, Deshawn). She seems very sweet, but then some incredibly dumb shit comes out of her mouth.
For example, her husband is out of town most of the week during basketball season. "It's hard when Eric's not here; I'm somewhat of a single parent," she laments and then Bravo's brilliant editing kicks in with Deshawn talking about how she's going to hire an estate manager, chef, executive housekeeper, maid staff, nanny and governess (yes that's right, a nanny and a governess). There's also a scene where her young kids are bouncing off of the walls and she leaves the room, saying "I'll be down in the [private] beauty salon if you need me." I'm sure single parents all over the country are crying her an effing river.
Ne Ne!
Poor Ne Ne was completely humiliated on national television by Sheree. Apparently Ne Ne and Sheree have a complicated history (think Jill Zarin and Ramoner), but Sheree invited Ne Ne to her birthday party. Ne Ne buys a new D&G dress, hires her favorite make-up artist, and is shown bubbling over with excitement about the party, but when she shows up to Sheree's, she gets turned away at the door because her name wasn't on the list. OOOOOOOOOOOH! Security is called! Cut to Sheree at the party, who glibly tells the camera it was "an accident." Cut to Ne Ne in the driveway, screaming for her car and justifiably furious and embarrassed. Instead of going out to rectify the situation herself, Sheree has her publicist apologize and invite Ne Ne in, which everyone knows is total bullshit move and just adding insult to injury. Sheree, I don't know Ne Ne personally, but if I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open. There will be PAYBACK, and it will be BLOODY. I can't wait!
Finally, Kim. I actually like her because there is no pretense of any type of work or productive activity. Her life and her luxury brand addiction is readily admitted and generously funded by her sugar daddy, aka Big Papa, who is a celebrity but doesn't want to be on camera. I, for one, am so curious as to who this dude is. Also, this is a wig, right?
I had two favorite Kim moments in this episode. First, when she changes into a one-of-a-kind Britney Spears c. 1999 streetwalker outfit at a gas station en route to Sheree's party.
"This is just not classy and I'm so classy" she says as she rolls her eyes and shimmies into her outfit. Gotta love a girl who can operate without a stick up her ass (SHEREE). But for real, who (aside from Kim Kardashian and porn stars) wears thigh high boots to a fancy party? WHO?
My other favorite Kim moment was when Kim's best pal Ne Ne was turned away at Sheree's party. This photo says it all:
However, I think Bravo could have more accurately dubbed it as "what-EVER!" Again, Bravo, you need me in your corporate offices. Major props to Kim for leaving with Ne Ne even though I'm sure she desperately wanted to stay. Any guesses as to how old Kim is? I was thinking 35-36, but she turned 30 during the taping of the show. Yikes. Isn't it interesting that the things people do to make them look younger actually end up aging them?
I am going to watch this show again, if only to see Ne Ne exact her revenge on Sheree. Don't disappoint me, Ne Ne girl!
Will you be watching?
One more thing--someone we all know and love is trying her hand at the recap game. This is what she has to say about Real Housewives of Atlanta:
These women are unapologetic, bringing it, blinging it, Prada-pumping, booty-jumping and letting everything hang out.Very interesting! Check out the rest of her review here.This show highlights the "Black Los Angeles" - the fortunate African American set of women who have married professional athletes, benefited from high-profile divorces or are seeded by their sugar daddies . . . .
For those you who haven't watched the show but want to, view it in its entirety here.
Reader Comments (16)
Sheree made me cringe! Deshawn seems to be a disgusting person also. I hate to admit it but I think I would have fun with NeNe and Kim.
It's funny you made the My Super Sweet Sixteen reference because I do believe Sheree's daughter was on that show. You might have to do some fact checking on that because I'm passing on third party information. I think I'll keep watching just so I can hear Kim sing.
I CAN WATCH IT?! wheeee!
{but do i really need to after this recap? nah. my new fave show. i loves trashy wimin.}
i've got to catch up on your radio show, too...your voice is ADDICTIVE! and yes, i mean that in a creepy way.}
holy hell. 30? that is sad, sad, sad. I thought she was 43. really.
I can't watch. it's too disgusting. I can't take it. Those women are an embarrassment
There are some rumors that Big papa is Doug from "the Hills" Daddy, who is a married real estate guy in Hotlanta.
Gotta love shows that make me feel classy even though Im poor!
thank god for the subtitles.
but i won't be watching much more. it's all too contrived at this point.
I made my husband watch it with me and we thought it was disgusting/hilarious. Sheree is SUCH A BITCH and I don't really mind Kim that much. I am so not buying that she is 30.
And my husband thinks Big Poppa is Ruban Studdard. Sigh.
I want to hang out with nene and Kim. They remind me of my best friends in college.
well...it just goes to show, that just because you have money, doesn't mean you have taste (or style. or class). it just means you have money (well, it means that their husbands have money...which really bugged me when they went on & on about how successful they were. successful at landing a rich, dumb man, i guess).
That picture of Sheree just says it all. So perfect. And Kim is 30?? I thought she was definitely in her 40s, too!!! Yikes.
It's so gross, yet so addictive. I love how in the coming attractions Sheree says she prays for NeNe. Riiiight.
Anyone who declares: "I am soooo classy," which I think every single housewife screeched at some point during this episode, is automatic evidence that that person is not.
And seriously, their homes. THEIR HOMES. It's all that faux finish "Tuscan" McMansion shite. Say no to faux!
Also: $18,000 for an 11 year old's B-day? She gets a Murakami Louis Vuittion (2nd one). That's child abuse. They're obsessed with labels but don't have the innate elegance to carry them correctly. Haven't they ever read the Emperor's New Clothes? In the end, their images are as hollow as their heads.
dood... that was awesome!
Nice commentary. You have managed to turn something so shameful into pure sunshine.
I too wonder what is up under that wig. Not cute.
I am off to stake out the sunglasses counter at Neiman Marcus in hopes of meeting one of these ladies. I will send you an autograph if I can get one.
I swore I was not going to watch this, but I did. And now I will have to continue watching it, I'm in hook line and sinker! Damm you Bravo.....So trashtastic
Had to watch. It was like a trainwreck.
But I'll totally watch the entire season.