A picture is worth a thousand Cheetos . . .

Alternate title #1: Celebrities--they're just like us! They have itchy butts too!

Alternate title #2: Hey Britney, going to the show?

Alternate title #3: Tight sweats + too much cleavage in a glittery tank top + scrunchie + scrunchie on top of head + smoking + picking underwear out of crack = poor Britney

I know you have some too. Bring it!

P.S. I went out tonight and am going to bed without watching Workout. I'll git 'er done sometime soon. While you're waiting (ON EDGE, I'm sure) for my recap, please read this deeply satisfying article that Paige (love her!) found about Jackie Warner suffering some real life consequences for her shit-ass behavior last week.

Thanks to IDLYITW for the Britney photo.

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

Serena Williams

Why, shove it in a pair of jeans 2 sizes too small and hold your breath till you take them off with a pair of pliers. Jesus, it hurts just to look at this.

Note to Ashton Kutcher: STOP IT

I was never a fan of Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd. It makes me squirm to see other people squirm, even if those people are celebutards. But I understood the concept--members of young Hollywood playing extravagant jokes on one other, ha ha, I get it.

Have you seen Ashton's new show on E! ? Man, that's awkward to punctuate, but I'm talking about Pop Fiction. It is described as "a prank show targeting paparazzi and gullible media outlets." Right. "Gullible media outlets" is code for you and me and Michael Kors and anyone else who has ever enjoyed an occasional Us Weekly.

The pranks on the show vary, but there is always a scene showing the celebrity help plot the ruse, and talking about how funny it's going to be and how stupid the paparazzi is. I'm not going to defend the paparazzi because they do seem to be a bunch of lowlifes, but they are in the that field because it's profitable. They sell their photos for big bucks because we (I) want to see them.

Remember Paris and the shaman? Yeah I fell for it. Very funny. I can't stop laughing. Too bad that after that, everyone caught on to the lame jokes, such as Audrina from The Hills getting a ridiculous tattoo, Mario Lopez giving Eva Longoria a super-expensive Cartier necklace, and now apparently Kathy Griffin hanging out with Britney's Adnan. I'M OVER IT, Ashton. Stop fucking with my news! While you and your pals are having a great time, you're not fooling anyone and my people and I are having to weed out all this crap. I just want my straight celeb gossip; is that too much to ask?

While I'm at it: to all of the celebrities who participate in this show and whine about being swarmed by photographers, BOO HOO. If you are that upset by all of it, then take your money, move to Nebraska and practice your "craft" in community theater. OR, here's a concept: be discreet. You can't strut down Robertson Blvd and then complain about the attention you attract (Lindsay Lohan, I'm talking to you, young lady!). If you don't like either of these choices, then stop complaining because you clearly relish it on some level, just like Spencer and Heidi.

I'm serious, Ashton. I know your wife is racking up the bills at her plastic surgeon's office, but there are better ways to make money. Actually--do you have a camera? Because you could make some crazy money selling pictures of her bleaching her mustache and clipping her toenails. Think about it.

The opposite of "Yum-o"

Someone needs to fire her stylist asap.

Speaking of the Kardashian-Jenners...

Have you seen the blog Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians? Because Bruce Jenner is the most convincing man who looks like an old lesbian:

It's kind of like a weird optical illusion. Who knew you could make a whole blog out of this? (that's totally a Kardashian girl behind him, right?)