"Well, she needed to learn some manners...."
Friday, January 28, 2011 
Last night, I was on the edge of my seat watching part one of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, waiting for the good stuff. It never came. Granted, I missed the last 10 minutes because the person running Comcast apparently decided to take a smoke break and things all went to pixelated frozen dvr hell. But I did sit through 50 minutes of pretty boring. Why can't we just skip to Cedric and alcoholism? That's what we really want to know about, Andy Cohen.
The one thing that did interest me last night was Taylor. I have a secret: I have liked her up until now. I haven't told you because I wanted to maintain my journalistic objectivity (ahem), but I thought she was basically a nice person, someone who had made some mistakes (the lips and Russell) but she wasn't denying it or digging herself deeper, she was taking responsibility and making the best of it. Sometimes she did this by spending vast amounts of money on ridiculous things, such as jaunty pink top hats and diamond Barbie necklaces and parties for uninterested four year olds,
but sometimes she did it by volunteering. She's also from Oklahoma and as a Kansas native, I have an inbred (so to speak) love of Midwesterners, even the ones that look pornographic while eating cotton candy.
Side note: I have had this theory all season long that her name is not really Taylor. No one in 1970s Oklahoma names her girl-child Taylor. I knew she was probably born a Tammy or Brenda, and when she hitched her way to sunny California, she changed her name to Taylor. On WWHL a few weeks ago, my theory was confirmed when she admitted that her real name was Shana but that everyone called her by her last name, Taylor, so she changed her name to Taylor. So was her name Taylor Taylor at some point? I need this clarified if I am to sleep at night.*
ANYHOW, Taylor picked a fight with a drunk person on the finale and somehow expected things to end with hugs and Euro-kisses. I didn't buy it but I was willing to overlook it because I blamed Lisa for manipulating Taylor Taylor into doing this disastrous thing. But last night, Taylor was a total smirking b-hole to Kim. I think it's a valid question, you know, asking why Taylor threatened violence--even as a joke--when she claims to come from an abusive background. Instead of apologizing, she did this sarcastic smiling and winking thing and basically insinuated that Kim was the biggest fuck-up to ever walk the earth.
Then she looks to Kyle as if to say "can you believe this crap?" When Kyle stares into her lap and ingores her, she says to Kyle, "maybe we should talk about her frame of mind that night." And everyone except Taylor knows that Kyle is thinking "I can talk shit about my jittery flailing mess of a sister, but you? You cannot." We can all see it in a bubble over her head, this unwritten rule of families, but Taylor doesn't get the hint and now I DESPISE HER. She may even be worse than Camille! Well, maybe not. Camille's pretty bad.
I should have know, I should have known. Many of you tried to tell me.
I do love the Maloof, though. She cried at the Grammer marriage montage, you guys! She's a tender heart.
P.S. My friend Casey sent me a link to TMZ early this morning, saying "Kim drunk at the airport!" and I was all "omg, isn't she like, 22 months pregnant?" But of course she meant Kim Richards. It's painful to watch, esp "do you know the name?" Aughhhhhhhh. Holy smokes.
Let's discuss. Get thee to the comments.
*Footnote 1: This website says her name was Shana Hughes AND that Russell filed for bankruptcy in 2005. Strange, isn't it, how "Housewives" and "bankruptcy" keep showing up together?
Reader Comments (24)
She was HORRID!! You hit the nail on the head regarding her WHOLE act. I can't wait to see her do a 180 turnaround as everyones crying and hugging Kim when she breaks down about her addiction.
i can't say as i despise any of these sluts. but i love you with a tender heart.
Suckedy sucked.
I dont hate taylor either. The way kim calls her out is just so.... IRRITATING! I would be annoyed with her too if I were Taylor.
Ah! Our Comcast was doing that, too, and it turned out that the....cable....was....degraded? Or something? A guy came and he fixed it in about 3 minutes and then charged us $30. We were mad about the $30 but now the cable works again, so...
Bring on part two, this was a snooze fest. I'm so over the 'who would be interested in you without Kelsey' discussion that Camille invented.
Yawn.
I came to these BH bitches rather late, having basically given up on the Housewives franchise. Taylor is a classic Mean Girl. She may play the "unhappy marriage" card to the other girls, but she is CONNIVING. That giant upper lip tells the whole story. Kyle is the most beautiful. But she is poor and married to a commoner, even though he is hot. There isn't enough hotness in the world to make up for being poor. A rich troll would be preferable to poor Mauricio. This makes Kyle evil. She will sell out her own sister without blinking an eye. Lisa is English. Enough said. She can't help herself. Adrienne is so rich she doesn't give a shit about these other chicks. But whoever did that to her face should burn in hell. Camille acquitted herself rather well on the reunion. Really, she is almost as pathetic as Kim.
Liked taylor till the final episode. When I saw her start the fight then try to force kim to cover her lie. I was disgusted at that point.then I put together everything she's said all season and feel like an idiot for not seeing it. it just screamed mean girl. I want to believe kyle was ignoring taylor because she didn't want taylor to go there but I. Don't think that's it. I think kyle is just as vile as taylor.
Here's what gets me. Girlfriends get together and bich about husbands ,sisters,moms, in laws. That's what good friends do. No one expects said friend to take those comments and use them as ammo on their loved one. Not only is taylor a shit stirring biotch she's a shitty friend that you can't count on to keep her mouth shut!
Love adriene, still like lisa ,starting not to hate camille so much. At least she has the good sense to be embarassed over her actions.
Other then that.. id like to tar and feather (for lack of a better punishment) AC for dragging this shit out 2 episodes. Although I heard part 2 airs feb1st. Anyone know if that's true?
Camille's little smirk when asked about things like the prenup continue to send chills down my spine. Her ever changing story about what Kyle said to her continues to not make sense, and as big of a bitch as Kyle was being when she said it, she was right - Camille is only admitting she was wrong now that everyones been making fun of her for it.
Taylor has a chicken wing in her upper lip. I continue to admire how she confesses to being a gold digging trophy wife, whine about it, and still happily continue it all at once.
Kim, for once, looked calm, rational, and I continue to apprecicate how natural she looks. I can't spell appreciate at 3am.
B-hole is going to be my new favorite insult.
That Camille smirk!! That's the same smirk when talking about her four nannies and their many houses. I disliked her greatly all season long and then I felt sorry for her on the last episode. Now I feel duped.
Kyle's a bitch. Kim's a mess but Kyle's behavior toward her is condescending, manipulative and violent. Talk about not having your sister's back...ever.
Fishface makes me sick. She started everything with Kim. And Kim was right on with her comments about the irony of Taylor being involved with an anti-abuse charity (or whatever it is).
Love the Maloof!! She is like the eye of the storm.
And Lisa. Even though she couldn't see that Cedric was just using her.
Now that Cedric is gone, i hope Lisa will grace us with another awesome piece of eye candy LOL
Ya, i thought the same thing, no way is her name Taylor. But I couldn't have made up SHANA. That's so perfect.
She is horrible, and The Maloof is completely cool. Even if she is married to the monkey guy from SNL.
Shanna Hughes (her actual last name) Taylor Ford (she apparently tried to claim was a descendant of the Ford family when she and Russ were grifting in Florida) Armstrong is a fake-face cunt. I even doubt the abuse story (why did both Adrienne and Russell look a bit surprised when she went into her 'story' at the charity event?) and I don't care how mean that is.
She has lied all season about what she said, to whom, and why. She put Kim down at every opportunity - why the fuck would she accuse Kim of 'riling her up' to Camille, if not to try and poison Camille against Kim? Then, to her surprise, Camille went after her real target, Kyle. D'oh. Of course, that doesn't even get into the fact that the footage showed no 'riling' by Kim at the airport.
Pretty funny that she meets Russell in 2004 and is presumably engaged then, as they married in 2005 and he declares bankruptcy in 2005. It doesn't seem likely that her hands are clean in their joint financial history. And I think he actually deserves better than her - they are barely out of the newlywed stage and she took every opportunity in every lunch and confessional and party scene to cry over the fact that she married an introverted person. Way to show loyalty.
Kim can call her out every day, twice on Sundays, and do it while piss drunk and I'll still prefer her to Taylor.
Instead of Kyle looking down in her lap when Taylor insulted Kim, that's when Kyle should have gotten off the couch and sat next to Kim as a family unit. Taylor is a shit stirring bitch. Never was a fan of Camille, but Taylor is the sneaky back biting kind which is more worse than Camille ever was.
Can't wait for the day of karma biting off those fishlips.
OMG! You're back! There should have been some big announcement on CNN or something. Or BRAVO.
I agree! Someone's totally gonna get fired at CNN for this. :) (Thanks for the welcome back)
Ugh - I want to smack that smug look off Taylor's big fat lips in that top photo above. She is vile. I HATED the way she kept giving Kyle the side eye when she was talking about Kim, as if Kyle was going to agree with her. And what ABOUT Kyle? Why DIDN'T she disagree or at least stand up for Kim when Taylor was doing that? I don't want to ever hear her say another word about Kim not having her back, because in that entire reunion I don't recall Kyle ever having Kim's back.
As The Hubs would say, they're all a shower of whoooores. Don't ask - I guess it's some Irish saying...
Okay, they're not ALL a shower of whoooores, just a select few. I like Lisa (duhhhh), Adrien (who knew?), and Kim (anyone who saw the wonder that is the movie Tuff Turf has GOT to love her).
Mwah!
Shannan
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O.K., you know how excited I was. Really!! I mean, I called you and everything. Disappointment to the nth degree!! I expected so much more from Andy. That was terrible. Throw us a bone, here! Tell us what the falling out between Lisa and Cedric was. Tell us how Kyle really feels about her manhands. Tell us how much money Adrienne really has and why her brother didn't respond to the wedding invitation I sent him to my wedding 9 years ago! These are the things we want to know! O.K., done with my rant. Carry on and pray that Tuesday gives us something!
Those Maloofs don't know the party they missed!
Dear SGM,
I've had "ComcastMike" out to my house. The servicing was unsatisfying.
Sincerely,
Harvey Millstein, CID
Harv, you get what you pay for.
That reminds me--the valances for our game room look wonderful. I'm so glad you talked me into the gingham.
You're welcome, SGM. And please thank Frank for helping during the installation. I apologize for any awkwardness, but well-hung window treatments require tight maneuvering.
Sincerely yours,
Harvey Millstein, CID
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ran across your blog and got to reading! I have laughed out loud alllllllllllllllll day about these comments regarding whe whoresssss, per one comment noted. Everybody and I mean everybody has been on point! All of them are pitiful I think except Adrienne because she was the only one to see what was really going on with Kim, she definately was ambushed at that party. But the worst of the worst even outside of Camille was KYLE!!!!! She sold her sister out every chance she got and if you remember, she was the only one to show up at her daughter's graduation party. The other sister sent a present. Regardless of her issues with her sister there is no way she should treat her like that and let other "friends" do her like that. We have all been fussing and cussing about her at work! I love your blog and these comments. Thanks for the laughter!!!!
Can't believe how fabulous your site is...can't believe I just found it!