"You might know this little guy here--Ryan!"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 
Why, yes, Tamra! I think I do remember the lad. Isn't he your perpetually unemployed fucktard son whom you affectionately refer to as a "man-whore"? The one you hired to bone Gretchen help tend bar at your formal party for the Housewives? Yes, I am familiar with him.
Many of you have washed your hands of Real Housewives of Orange County because this episode was offensive on so many levels, even by reality tv standards. To you I say, please avoid Rock of Love Bus; it's even worse, if you can imagine. I'm not even going to cover the events in the first 40 minutes of this week's RHOC, because really it was just filler leading up to the debacle that was Ryan and Gretchen (and Tamra). Well, maybe I'll cover 18 year old Raquel's drunken bowling, but only to illustrate the point that microphones do not magically turn off when you are engaging in monkey business in the bathroom--a lesson that would have been of benefit to Ryan and Gretchen as well.
To set the scene: Tamra takes an etiquette class because Simon is British (!) and thinks Tamra could use a little instruction. To practice her newly learned manners (oh, the IRONY), she decides to host a formal dinner party at her house, catered by Top Chef contestant Brian Malarkey (who, incidentally, is adorable--what's his story? Anyone?). Tamra asks for tequila to be incorporated into the menu because Sir Simon's new business venture has something to do with tequila.
Let me back up a bit. Through the first 40 minutes of the show, we see Gretchen really struggling with the emotional burden of her terminally ill fiance. He is has been in the hospital for a long stretch and recently told her that he doesn't want to live any more. She knows that it's not good for her to spend every waking moment at the hospital, but says that if she takes a break, she feels guilty which is made even worse by other people (TAMRA) judging her.
Economic Note: did you all catch a glimpse of Gretchen's fancy-pants pedicure? And those long-ass French manicures on everyone? Swear to God, nail salons in OC must be recession-proof.
Back to the party. Ryan has decided that he now wants to have a career as a bartender, so Tamra hires him for the night to be a "bartender's helper." Considering how much he talks about getting drunk and how much we see him getting drunk, I would expect Tamra to have a little more faith in his tequila-pouring abilities, but whatever. She knows him better than we do.
Everyone arrives. Doesn't this look like a happy crowd?
I think Vicki left her WOOHOO at home.
Dinner is served. One of my biggest pet peeves is when picky eaters make barf faces/noises when served food they don't like. Either eat it or don't, but don't make it a big fucking production, especially if you are at a party and ESPECIALLY if it is scallops prepared by a cutie-pie Top Chef dude.
I am so sorry, Donn. Truly. (Team Donn, please click HERE for a way to show your love and support. Many thanks to creative and hilarious Megan at BB8 for making this happen.)
Tamra makes a toast and gets teary-eyed as she says "I think of you all as family." Once again, Lynne stuns with a brilliant deadpan (stoned) comment to the camera: "I don't think she realized Frank and I were there." HA!
Simon asks Tamra to tell everyone what she has learned in manners class. Tamra talks about "Euro-peens" and demonstrates the Continental style of eating. Gretchen, who's already had a little too much alcohol, does a toungue-y XXX version of the Continental. She proceeds to make orgasm sounds and suggestive remarks at the table that cause everyone at the table to do a double-take. She announces that she hasn't gotten laid in 8 months. It's all rather inappropriate and full of FORESHADOWING.
Meanwhile, Tamra is conspiring with Vicki to get Gretchen even more drunk--"naked drunk," in fact, and "we're gonna try and make her do something stupid." Why? Tamra thinks that Gretchen is a phony and that the tequila will bring out her "dark side." Even though it's obvious that Gretchen is already hammered, Tamra is shouting "Gretchen needs another shot!" and there's this creepy wink-wink thing going on with Vicki and her. As all of this is going on, smarmy Ryan is all over Gretchen like white on rice, and she's drunk and starved for attention and flirting like crazy. We're all watching helplessly as Tamra's evil plan starts to unfold and Gretchen gets more and more out of control:
Not pretty. Check out Jeana's expression (and Tamra's).
And Lynne's:
Lynne tells the camera, "It was not good. I was worried for her." You know that when pothead Lynne's worried, there's a problem. Jeana looks very uncomfortable throughout and says "Gretchen didn't need much convincing" when it came to doing more shots, and that she is "very concerned because [Gretchen] had no control of her actions." (look at all of these quotes! I feel like I'm writing a term paper, for God's sake!)
The mutual flirting and touching escalate. OH SHIT.
Know what Vicki says to the camera? "What Ryan and Gretchen do is none of my business. If they want to hook up, I don't care." NICE. Thanks for reminding everyone why you are such a world-class bitch.
Then comes the clincher on the whole Tamra-is-the-devil issue. Lynne reports that she and Frank have offered to take Gretchen home, but Tamra declined on Gretchen's behalf, saying that Gretchen will spend the night at Tamra's (lair). OH SHIT again. Is there any question that Ryan and Gretchen's rooms will just happen to adjoin?
Next, Tamra tells the camera with barely disguised glee that she notices that Ryan and Gretchen have disappeared from the party. What a sick mofo.
Cut to a bathroom door where we hear Gretchen's slurred whisper "I am engaged to a very nice man" and "you totally turn me on." Totally edited, but still. Not good. Not good AT ALL. We are left with a "to be continued."
Nice work, Tamra. Way to take advantage of a woman in the midst of a personal tragedy and pimp out your son.
Let's discuss this. No doubt Tamra's behavior was deplorable, but what is Gretchen's responsibility in all of this? She's a big girl. Yes, she was vulnerable, but no one was forcing her to take those shots and nuzzle Ryan (icky). At some point, no matter how drunk and sad you are, don't you say to yourself "this is all being filmed and I'd better shape up before I ruin my life"?
Opinions, please.
Reader Comments (56)
As a date rape victim myself, I was shaken by this episode. And for Tamara to hand over Gretchen's drunk ass self to her son to molest on a silver platter was just terrible. I wished that the camermen had broken down the door - and I wish that they had taen the kids liquor away at the bowling alley also. I can't believe that anyone thought that this was entertaining. Tamara and Simon are also very lucky that Gretchen didn't collapse from alcohol poisoning...I hope that G sues them for Tamara Sues rolex!
Holy Crap...what a night! First- Ryan has no problem hooking up with a married, vulnerable, so highly intoxicated that judgment was severely impaired female, shows what a fucking bottom-feeding, smarmy, low-life douche-bag he is. And I say, the apple does not fall from the tree.
Second, the highly obvious Oedipus Complex that Ryan and Tamara exhibit is stunning...You know the theory that the son wants to fuck his mother and kill his father??? I mean, come on, Gretchen who essentially looks identical to Tamara and the issues that Ryan has with step-dad??
The psychoanalyst who is lucky enough to have this bunch in their office would make a fortune!!
Lastly, whoever commented that this was all Gretchen's fault and she is to blame because she got drunk, blah, blah, blah. Look, this kind of thing happens all the time, and there was probably not any form of assault that went down in the bathroom between Ryan and Gretchen.
However, when people say that the it was the woman's fault because she got drunk, and if she got drunk she would have not been raped, you are essentially apologizing for the rapist-and creating a culture where it is more and more difficult for women to report rape (because they were drunk, so it was their fault, right?)
Women have the right to get drunk, that does not give a man the right sexually harass or rape women.
Look, these women do not represent wealthy, classy people. They are all a bunch of hag ass messes who are a botox shot and a Bebe clearance rack away from gutter trash. Vicki is a dead ringer for Droopy Dog, Tamra is a skanky battle pig who needs to be told she's too old to rock Juicy tracksuits, and Lauri, well her face just scared the shit out of me. They all have bad hair, bad skin, wear too much make up and their children are the anti-Christ. Ryan has serious rapey face and we will definitely be seeing him on a future episode of To Catch a Predator.
I agree with Mrs. Limestone, what Tamara did is shameful given that they are all supposed to be friends; however, at the end of the day Gretchen is RESPONSIBLE for her own actions. I am younger than Gretchen but I wouldn't even think for a moment to say "my friends made me do it" - after all, if she cannot handle the alcohol she shouldn't drink it. More so, knowing that it will be documented by TV crews.
Lucinda, you need to get goin' on that blog of yours--you def have a way with words! "Skanky battle pig"? omfg. AWESOME.
I understand everyone's reference to date rape, but we don't know what happened in there. We were not in that bathroom (thank GOD) and Gretchen could very well have been saying "I'm engaged to a very nice man" while squeezing Ryan's twig and berries.
Bottom line: we don't know. But hopefully we will next Tuesday.
"however, at the end of the day Gretchen is RESPONSIBLE for her own actions. I am younger than Gretchen but I wouldn't even think for a moment to say "my friends made me do it" after all, if she cannot handle the alcohol she shouldn't drink it."
Right Ania...if a woman cannot handle her alcohol and she is raped... it is own fault for getting drunk in the first place.
That is what men who rape say to justify their actions.
I love Lucinda.
Good lord this is the first real episode that I've actually wanted to see this season, but after reading your recount, I'm not sure I can live with myself. They're all very naughty and they should all know better.
On that note, I think I still have to see it!
Yes, Gretchen was responsible for her own actions. But there was a lot of sneaking in another drink when her old one was almost empty. I am sure she lost count of her drinks. I was worried about alcohol poisoning. And Gretchen had to specifically tell Ryan-don't touch me here,and no we can't do this,etc. It bothered me she had to spell it out. He kept pushing someone who was way too intoxicated to consent to anything. At least Gretchen told him she was engaged. I think Tamra wanted Gretchen to forget she was engaged. And Gretchen didn't. So she said Ryan turned her on-so what. She still told him no. I had a hard time sleeping after watching this episode. I don't want to see a sober guy take advantage of a drunk girl. Too "rapey" for me.
I would give the hairy eyeball at Gretchen meaning that Ryan turned her on. I would say ANYTHING to try and placate a man who followed me into the bathroom and was groping me/blocking the door/lord know what kind of creepy date rape mauling. I would think it was well you do turn me on but......
It was very rapey. I hope that she can sue the Barneys.
And does the bravo crew intervene at ANY time? Like letting the underage kiddos drink at the bowling alley??? I hope none of them got into a car after that. And what about helping Gretchen out? Did she need to scream bloody rape/murder for someone to knock on/break down that door?
Jeana's blog defends Tamra.
http://www.bravotv.com/Real_Housewives_Of_Orange_County/season/4/blogs/index.php?blog=jeana_keough&article=2009/01/party_time
Interesting.
I wasn't surprised Jeana defended Tamra's dumbass. Jeana is always defending the underdog, which repeatedly gets her ridiculed by TamTam and the Vickster. Jeana needs to grow some balls and/or stfu. Just when I started to like her...
I'm sick of these bitches claiming to all be so friendly and on good terms. BULLSHIT. At least ATL keeps it real with the mutual hatred of one another.
P.S. lol @ Vicki left her WHOO HOO at home. haha!
I am kinda alone in that I don't watch any of the Real Housewives. Apparently, I need my TV to be much trashier b/c I have faithfully watched all seasons of Rock of Love, including Charm School. Its the most disgusting, and at the same time, wonderful show.
To Ania and Mrs. Limestone...
Do you have any idea how vulnerable Gretchen is? Hopefully you will never know. But stop with the ignorant proclamations meanwhile.
Tamra's a c-word.
(I can't even say it anonymously.)
I think it takes a person with courage to intervene.
Clearly not one of those ladies REALLY made an effort, (at least what we were able to see) to call Tamra on her behavior. Lynne made a small effort to avert the booze and check on Gretchen later. They are all a little off in my book and frankly have their heads up their asses.
brian malarkey stuff - pretty funny
http://amuse-biatch.blogspot.com/search/label/Brian%20Malarkey
Why is everyone asking each other why one of the ladies didn't intervene? What about the guys??? Simon is somewhat of a parent figure here. Why didn't he get involved and put a stop to it? I am always amazed at how easily women will turn on other women, looking for a reason to be judgemental and bare their claws, and totally ignore the fact that there were men involved here too. This is why men get away with sexism. Because we give them an out!!! Wake up ladies. These guys are just as sick as their wives.
To Anonymous at 9.58
Are people ever responsible for their actions and behavior or can everything be excused? Let's forget for a second the situation with Ryan - wasn't Gretchen acting improperly? Even if her fiance wasn't in hospital dying, wouldn't her sexual comments, innuendos and touching of other men be inappropriate for a someone who is in a committed relationship. Or does alcohol excuse everything?
Worst couple vote:
Shane and Jo or Ryan and Gretchen?
Oh, that is a tough one. Jo is more annoying than Gretchen, but Shane is hotter than Ryan. I'm stumped.
I'll just be blunt.........we're watching souless whores (male & female) with money. Period. Good entertainement. As for Jeff's children, I hope they have a damn good attorney who can keep Gretchen from getting her hands on too much of his money.
I can't believe I missed this episode. Where is the all day marathon when I need it? Great recap though. I am a HUGE Gretchen fan. I don't care that she's 'engaged' to an older man who she 'loves'. I'm fairly certain she was using Jeff for his money and then he got sick... and now she's taking care of him. They obviously don't have sex. And I'm sure she's more than ready for a young guy to show interest and ravish her. But come on Gretch. Don't be obvious about it in front of those crazy bitches. Get it together. Then again, when I'm hammered? I don't make the best decisions. Can't wait for the next episode.
Point well taken. The guys ARE just as guilty as the women for not calling Tamra on her crap.
SGM, loving all your recaps, you have me LOL all the time! Finally caught this epsidode last night. WOW, Tamara is a vile, nasty girl who is just so jealous of Gretch.
"nasty drunk" why would you wish that on anyone?