"JOY KILLED IT SHUT IT DOWN SHE OWNS IT I DIE"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 
That doesn't make a bit of sense to those of you who have not watched The Rachel Zoe Project, does it? Don't worry; this recap will introduce you to The Secret Language of Rachel Zoe.
I'd like to begin by revealing that I feel a deep spiritual connection with Rachel. She is a dramatic gasper, I am a dramatic gasper; she loves Michael Kors, I love Michael Kors; she's afraid of her assistant, I am historically afraid of secretaries. It's almost like I am her long lost sister, except for the fact that I don't have her fashion sense, jet-setting lifestyle or hatred of Perez Hilton.
So let's just do a rundown of the main characters, and I shall weave the storyline therein. Sound good? Let's get started!
1. Taylor, Rachel's assistant. I hate to give her top billing, but I just need to get her out of the way. As an anonymous star pupil from my last post commented, Taylor is a "raging snatch." Her teenaged eye-rolling, ugly commentary and overall surly demeanor begs for a smack in the face. Look at this photo:
You want to smack her too, right? She spends the whole show exuding nastiness to Brad, Rachel's newly hired second assistant. Taylor is in charge of training Brad, but decides she "can't be bothered." Instead, she alternately screams at and ignores Brad, who's only screwing up because she won't tell him what the fuck is going on.
Brad alerts Rachel to the situation. Rachel initially acts all hardass--"I need to talk to Taylor IMMEDIATELY"--but then she IMMEDIATELY pusses out. Well, not completely, but she takes Taylor out to dinner for the discussion, and brings husband Rodger along as "another voice of reason" because Taylor is clearly a scary, unpredictable hellbeast. This is how it goes down: Taylor starts yelling about how incompetent Brad is. Rodger lays down the law and explains how much more efficient the office would be if Taylor would just take half hour out of each day to train Brad. Taylor rolls her eyes and shouts "FINE!" I'm surprised she didn't shout "I hate you! I wish I was never born!" before storming out.
Can't you see, Rachel? Taylor's negative energy is so draining.
Did you note how Rachel generally showers praise on "Tay" to the camera, such as: "Taylor is my rock. She thinks FOR me, she thinks BUH-fore me." Meanwhile Taylor shoots daggers from her eyes as she talks about how Brad is with Rachel in NYC and that they're probably shopping at Chelsea Girl while she's busting her ass in LA. Oy vey. This girl needs to be shipped off to one of those boot camps for troubled teens. Pronto.
2. Rachel. The big storylines for Rachel in this episode are "expanding [her] brand," a phrase which she used approximately 42 times in this episode (still love you Rach, just keeping it real), and the dressing of client Joy Bryant for a big high fashion event in LA.
Rachel goes to NYC to meet with some suits about creating a line of everything on the earth as it relates to fashion. Personally, I think the phrase "developing the brand" would have been more appropriate than "expanding the brand," as she has no product line right now. Maybe SHE is the brand? I don't get it when people refer to themselves as a brand. Anyhow, before she meets the execs, she meets with Michael Kors to find a dress for Joy Bryant and discuss being a brand.
Hi Michael Kors! I love you! He's his usual fabulous self, and when he's describing these gowns to Rachel, she's so overcome with excitement that she clutches his hand with great fierceness. It was beautiful, and I'm sad that I don't have the means to show it to you here, where we could watch it over and over. Side note: her make-up does look a little Joker-ish here, but it didn't during the show. Girl has a heavy hand with the black eyeliner, but it works.
After they look at dresses, Rachel says to Michael, "I've seen you go from Michael Kors to MICHAEL KORS" and asks what it is like to produce a line of everything in the gd world. He tells her to buckle her seatbelt because she's going to be cra-zy busy. She asks when is she going to have a baby, which sounded like a subtle proposition to me. But really? She wants to have a baby? That kind of shocked me. She'd better get crackin' with some cheese fries because no matter how much I like her, I think she's too skinny to be making babies.
The two part with a hug and Rachel goes off to her meeting. But first, she has to psyche herself up beforehand with a call to Rodger. This is exactly what is so endearing about her--she's the top celebrity stylist in the world and is calling her husband because she's nervous about failing. She still looks nervous when she walks into the conference room with her ginormous coffee, hair, fur coat and sunglasses. But everything turns out fine, and plans are made to suck us all dry.
Moving on to Joy. Rachel works hard for the money, folks. Not only that, but she likes her clients and genuinely loves to see them "SHUT. IT. DOWN." (Rachel speak for "look incredibly amazing"). When she saw Joy wearing the perfect dress, she started to cry a little bit. I love that her job makes her so happy. And that she has cocktail rings as big as doorknobs.
I was surprised to see that Joy had lots of "fittings" (which just means she comes to Rachel's studio and tries on dresses), and that 4 hours before the event, Joy still didn't have a dress. I'd be a little, uh, FREAKED OUT, but maybe that's because I'm a midget and have to have everything tailored. Apparently if you're size 2 and 6 feet tall, you can shimmy into anything and make it work. Make that almost anything--a few gowns were rejected because they didn't fit properly. Anyhow, a red Zac Posen is the winnah, and upon seeing Joy on the red carpet, Rachel says that Joy "KILLED IT SHUT IT DOWN SHE OWNS IT I DIE."
I don't know why the repetition of her stock phrases fill me with such joy, but they do, and to hear them strung together like that--I almost passed out.
After the event, she's in her robe in the bathroom with Rodger, talking about how she doesn't want to give up styling in order to expand the mother-loving brand. I wasn't really listening, as I was trying to decide if Rodger was cute, and also whether we would see Rachel without her make-up.
Sadly, we don't. (look at her watch! I need her watch!)
One more thing--you've seen Rachel's Piperlime picks, haven't you? Of course you have. I've always suspected that these picks were made by an overworked assistant who knew Rachel's "aesthetic" (i.e. brands she wanted to promote) and that Rachel had no idea what was on that website. Wrong! They actually send her a bunch of shoes and she sits on the phone with Piperlime and gushes in detail about her favorites. God love her. (Piperlime and Rach, you'd better not be manipulating us on this one).
3. Brad. The emotionally abused second assistant. Used to work for Vogue, dresses full-on East coast, is super-gay and loves Rachel. Remember the red dress in which Joy KILLED IT SHUT IT DOWN SHE OWNS IT I DIE? Brad had picked it out of many and said to Taylor, "isn't this perfect for Joy?" and Taylor just sneered at him and told him to be quiet. The kid's obviously got talent and a sense of humor, but for now, he walks on eggshells around Taylor and tries to coddle her with jokes. Good luck, my brother. From the looks of "this season on The Rachel Zoe Project," you will experience even more suffering at the hands of Tay. You will even shed some tears. I am so sorry.
4. Rodger. Rachel's husband and business manager. The vestigial "d" in his name distracts me. Seems like a nice, solid guy and Rachel adores him. I'll tell you right now, she's so busy that I'm worried about their sex life.
He's kind of handsome, but I'm not really one for floppy 80s hair. He definitely has a Todd Oldham thing going on, don't you think?
(wtf is Todd doing fanning the cash money like that?)
_______________
While The Rachel Zoe Project is missing the rapid fire repartee and sexy hotness of Flipping Out, it is still definitely worth watching, even if you don't feel the spiritual connection that I do. The show is clearly one big commercial for every luxury brand and accessory on the earth (not to mention Rachel's own brand), but I don't even mind because we are given an insider's view of celebrity styling and because Rachel lays herself bare--she lets us see her insecurities and that not only makes her likable but also pretty brave.
Am I the only one who hopped online to shop after this show? Rachel has convinced me that I need some highly impractical skyscraper platforms. FYI, the wide-leg pant and platform pump look makes my chest constrict with happiness. I. Can't. Breathe. I love it that much.
Let me know what you think. About everything.
(NOTE: my computer is on its last leg. I had to SHUT IT DOWN (alternate use) about 5 times last night and am praying it will let me post this. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you know that I am wrapped up with the Geek Squad and/or negotiating with Frank for a Mac. Or maybe I will be curled up in the fetal position and weeping. Keep me in your thoughts.)
Reader Comments (45)
Let's not forget how completely "bananas" Joy looked and how "insanity" it was when she put on that dress. Killer recap, sister. YOU TOTALLY KILLED SHUT IT DOWN YOU OWNED IT I DIE!
PS: Didn't you love Brad asking Tay if she was going to turn on her "bitch switch"?! I'm so adopting.
hate to be the lone (pseudo)hater but mz. zoe is biting her stock phrases from drag queens! i've been hearing "SHUT IT DOWN", "WORK IT", "OWN IT" for about 20 years, which means it's been around for much longer. she's biting RuPaul's (and all of his sistahs') rhymes. but arent't they all?
i'm still loving it. LOVES IT.
also i'm only Anon b/c i don't have a logon YET. SGM is the biz.
i am sooo with thisismylife.
brad would bring out my bitchfest FOR SURE.
its not hard to find ways to be useful without having someone spell them out for you!!
I have to weigh in on the Brad issue--he's no Chris Keslar, that's for sure, but he's not bad--just likes to chit chat and that's not Tay's style. I'm going to have to see more of him before I really form an opinion.
The bulimia jowls! Yikes, I didn't even recognize that but I think you may be right. Dammit. The loose clothing kind of suggests eating disorder too?
Taylor lovers, stay with me. We need your side of things--thanks for speaking up.
As for drag queen language--no doubt that she copied it from someone else--good point, but for me it's really about the repetition, not to mention the delivery.
I don't know why everyone is feeling so bad for Brad. Sure Taylor is v bitchy but I had to take her side when the gowns were wet and Brad took off to weep instead of cleaning it up asap. You got to think/act fast in this line of work.
I did like her book. It does talk about her styling etc and has some decent advice but I really liked how open she was about her life. She said smth like u know shit will happen, move on. Amen.
okay, honestly! why hasn't anyone commented on the fact that rachel is obviously anorexic and looks terrible! all the wrinkles that have been botoxed, and she claims to be 36? seriously ladies! sheesh. maybe if she would eat something aside from a grapefruit and a giant coffee, i would like her more. she looks like a coat hanger with chipmunk cheeks.
I think the fact that Rachel Zoe even has a show is a sign of the times we live in. She could, maybe, stop buying Birkins at $6k a pop and, oh i don't know, give that $6k to a charity? puh-leeeze! We sure live in a Republican, fed-for-yourself country don't we? She is a terrible example to young women (anorexic much?) and has yet to say/do anything of any relevance, and yet she has a tv show featuring her and (God forbid) her new "brand"?
Love your recap!
Honey, get yourself a Mac. You are far too cool for anything else.
On a practical note, Rachel needs more
s p a c e. Her studio is as messy as the back of Taylor's hair. Her clients do not need to traipse through her home, (yeah we know her house is cool and she has a great aesthetic) for fittings. Just wait till sunglasses and jewelry samples for the Zoe line start arriving from Italy for Rachel's approval. What then? One less Birkin and vintage Lanvin dress = $ for a great showroom/studio.
Is "own it" something drag queens made up? I think it started as psychotherapy jargon. Drag queens aren't behind EVERY great invention (although they were instrumental in particle physics).
I definitely will be watching it again! Mostly because I love the clothes and I'm waiting for Brad to go off the rails and have a total catfight with Tay. lol
On another, not as flattering note, I kind of have to agree with Perez (who I don't regularly look at) about the lip situation. Rachel takes off her glasses and it's all good from the nose up. From the nose down however...it looks like somebody forgot the cardinal rule of moisturizer with SPF.
Rachel Zoe is surprisingly likeable, for sure. I think she's really going to benefit from having a reality show. Unlike *some* people, i.e., everyone else.
SGM, you rock my world. I die!
I think I have to watch this show- she gasps, she wears dramatic clothes, she loves dressing up her clients, silly, impractical luxury items are all over the place, making viewers covetous. Also: in total agreement that girlfriend needs some cheese fries, whether she decides to make babies or not. Elbows should never be the thickest part of an arm.
Loved the show, loved the recap even more. I just want to wrap up sensitive Brad in a cashmere blanket and rock him to sleep while tousling his hair and say, "There there. It will aaaaall be OK."
Breaking News: "Shut it down" and "killed it" are not Zoe-isms. These terms have been used in the "urban" community for eons. I guess they're mainstream now. Back to your regularly scheduled program.
I could not comment until I actually saw the show. Wow--you were dead on about Taylor. Brat city.
Brad -- I'd like to see him play the part of Andrea in The Devil Wears Prada. He couldn't even fetch a Starbucks.
I wasn't even going to watch this show til I saw your positive recaps--I just figured I would hate Rachel Zoe after things I have read about her in the press.
I did watch though, and I found her amazingly disarming and actually...quite nice.
Though I like Brad I thought his limp ass reaction to the wet gowns was pretty pathetic, and I am not sure if he's really a worker or just one of those people who creates drama to make it seem as though he's overworked.
Taylor for sure acted like a territorial bitch, but....I noticed after several of her most vile outbursts that she had a bit of a self-aware smirk, as though she knows what she is doing...could any of this drama be scripted, or suggested, by Bravo? I hope not, I am so fond of several of their shows. Thanks SGM for turning me onto this one.
Yes, a little late, but oh well...
First off, I Love The Show. I love the show like daddy loves Shelly (movie line, I digress). I don't care that it's focused on materialism or that it's an hour long commercial for luxury brands. In the world we live in, I could use a break from discussions on politics, oil and war.
Awww, Rachel, I would love to be a fly on her wall. Yes, she looks a bit haggard in the face, but I still think she's adorable. She inspires me to want to look my best even if it is just a regular ol' day.
Taylor...ok, although I'm sure she knows her shit and exactly what to do when Rach spazzes out, I really wish she could just take the time to explain things to Brad. Seriously, she went on complaining for minutes on how the racks were "horrendous" and "horrific" yet she doesn't explain how they are horrendous or horrific until Brad finally points out that he doesn't know how the clothes should be arranged. How is a person supposed to know how you like things unless you tell them?
Oh, but I noticed a discrepancy. In the first episode when Rach is on the phone with Piperlime her fingernail polish is nude. Yet, supposedly after her call Rach goes to speak with Brad and her fingernail polish is now a dark shade of deep purple. What the heck is that?!
As far as her husband, I think he's a sweetheart. Most boyfriends/husbands would roll their eyes if their girlfriend/wife was acting like the world was ending just because she can't find the right dress/shoe/jewelry.
I agree with an earlier comment, I enjoy your recap of the show just as much as the actual show. You say it like it is!
Rachel is so different than I thought and I really like her, but that Tay is a hag. Love the Bradster, though!
Thanks!!
i have yet to watch more than a 5 minute clip but with your delightful posts I am there in front of the TV
thanks for catching me up SGM