Cover Letter
Thursday, December 4, 2008 Dear Bravo:
It has recently come to my attention that I do not work for you. It's true. I do not receive a Bravo paycheck, I do not have a Bravo 401(k), and in the mornings, Andy Cohen does not walk into my office and say things like "Dude. If Sharon (our bitchy secretary) keeps making personal calls while I'm standing right there, we are totally sending her to work for Sheree."
It's all very disappointing because working for you is my dream.
Bravo, I like what you're selling. I like selling what you're selling. I like talking about it, I like writing about it, I like creating embarrassing screen shots.
But I'm more than just a fan. I have ideas. For shows, and the website. Quite frankly, the website needs work. Trying to navigate the video clips, especially since you've added those mofo commercials, is like watching Don try to get through to crazypants Vicki. Incredibly frustrating. (fyi, I can do Bravo similes all day long)(and oh, the footage of passive-aggressive Vicki going completely bonkers apeshit on her adult son because he didn't want to go to Mexico with her? Breathtaking.)
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "why should we pay her when she's giving it away for free? We are a soulless corporation. We're going to steal any good ideas from her blog and crush her dreams." My response: I consider that to be RUDE and UNBECOMING of a major tv network, especially one that employs Mr. Tim Gunn (oops, not any more). Also, I am holding out on you. Big time. Like Kim, I do not give it all up without being PAID.
In conclusion, let me show you what I plan to wear, should you hire me:
It's for casual Fridays. All of the other days I'll just trade out the jeans for a little pencil skirt. Oh, and there will be platform pumps. Most definitely. If this wasn't a cover letter, I'd be all "what do you think about THAT, bitchez?"
I eagerly await a personal call from Andy Cohen offering me a job. Or do you know what would be even better? Have Jeff Lewis call me! That would be really awesome of you.
I'm going to go pick out some office furniture now (don't worry, nothing too expensive).
Love,
SGM
p.s. I would have never EVER let that stinker Date my Ex hit the airwaves. Would have been squashed the minute I heard the word "Jo." Just so you know.
Reader Comments (27)
You go Girl...
Unfortunately, I inadvertently watched an episode of Date my Ex (Bravo's on 24/7 at my house) and Jo's skin is so broken out, it's truly awful. Gross...
:-) Cathleen
SGM, sweetie- i've been catching up on your blog (and almost spit out my morning coffee TWICE because you are so freaking funny). PLEASE wait on the furniture for the new bravo office for a bit- once you ensconced as VP in charge of snark here in LA, we'll go pick it out together, ok? and maybe have a few long lunches on your generous expense account.
i'll make sure the color scheme of your office matches your high-heels- or better yet, how about an all-white office, so SGM is the *only* color in the room?
oxoxo-
m21