Punching, and violence
Sunday, January 20, 2008 
My husband walked in the door from work the other night and said, apropos of nothing, "if you could punch anyone in the world without suffering any repercussions, who would it be?" It was the topic of discussion on the radio on his drive home. He had his answer and wanted to know mine.
Before I tell you my answer, I will preface with these two thoughts.
1. This is a total guy question. I have no interest in punching anyone. Not only would it hurt my fist, but I would do absolutely no damage, which would be embarrassing.
2. This may surprise you, but I really don't hate anyone enough to punch him or her. In fact, I like most everyone. There are exceptions of course, but very few.
Because my husband will answer such questions as "if you were gay, which celeb would you want to sleep with?" (George Clooney), I decided to skip the 2 thoughts outlined above and answer him.
Rachael Ray. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone who reads this blog with any sort of regularity. I've threatened her with a lawsuit. I've practically put a bounty on her head. I could punch her, if I so desired. She's asking to be punched, don't you think?
My husband was shocked: "But she's done nothing to you!" He went on and on about it, for approximately 2 minutes. He demanded a person I knew in real life. I couldn't think of anyone. I asked him whom he would punch, and he named this guy who played on his soccer team in college 14 years ago. Then in his celeb category, he picked Brett Favre. Don't ask; there are many reasons, most having to do with Favre shit-talking the Broncos many years ago. My man knows how to hold a grudge.
Whom would you punch? No need to preface with your distaste of violence because I've already covered that.
Celebrity or not. Purely hypothetical. Answers please.
Reader Comments (39)
The chair of the board where I work. Everything is overshadowed by race and she roadblocks everything we do, so when it's late, she can bitch. Just a kick in the shins to get her attention.
Celeb: Brit-Brit. She's just a waste of space now. She needs to disappear for a year or two and get her act together.
Fabian Basabe and (don't punch me) Beyonce. It's the speaking voice that does me in.
sgm-
since you already picked rachel ray, i have to go with a second oprah protegé, that horribly smug dr. phil. god, he makes me so angry...
course i'd have to punch him and then run really fast, 'cause he looks like he could kick my ass easily.
in real life- um, nobody (today, anyways :)
I am sooooooooo with you on Beyonce. American Express, L'Oreal, DirectTV, Samsung, Armani, Tommy Hilfiger perfume: what a spokeswhore she is. Not to mention the "I wish I had white-girl hair" extensions...
I have laughed out loud at each and every one of these. And then I read them again and I laugh again and even start snorting.
Who knew violence could bring me such pleasure? It has inspired me to finally make a decision on my real life punch. Actually, I like PF's idea of a crisp open handed slap (Dynasty-style) to the woman at my old work who loved Ann Taylor so much and drove me completely out of my mind with her ceaseless nasal-voiced complaining.
I would also like to extend a slap to Brandon Davis because he is such a spoiled brat (and also to get another male in there).
Thank you, my darlings.
Celebs: Gwyneth Paltrow, Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise and Renee Zellewegger (sp?).
I laughed out loud reading everyone's responses - too funny.
i have a few. i'd like to injure.
tyra banks
celine dion. actually, i'd like to take her thin, petite face and squeeeeze it till her eyeballs popped out.
while i will not act on these well thought out tortures, i have no problem voicing them.
Well there are so many good choices here, but I have not seen Nancy Grace yet, so I'll pick her.
Ooooohhhh this is fun. Hands down Sandra Lee on the Food Network. Her and her tacky tablescapes!
oooooohhhh I love this post.
I have a friend I would like to give a crisp open handed slap to. Not because I want to hurt her. I just want her to get her life together.
Cele:
George Bush
Bill O'reily
Nancy Grace
But if I can only pick one it would be Bush.
omg, i TOTALLY agree. rachel ray is SO annoying and whiny. and she seems mean to her husband.
love your blog too:)
I would punch my co-worker Jackie...
Just found your blog on faithsalutes and have to say, it's hilarious. Also, I hate the way Rachel Ray refers to Olive Oil as EVOO...seriously?
YOU I would punch YOU in the face
Anon, I'd say you're overdue, yourself.